There Won't Be Soda Machines in Heaven...

I remember the great debate at bible college in the years of 1995 through 1997. No, it wasn't if the elect were the Jews, Angels, or disciples, or even Christians. No, it was also not whether God was first one person then three, or three persons than one. It wasn't even who actually wrote the book of Hebrews.

It was "Is it soda, or Pop?"

Yes, we students of the bible really knew how to get down to the nitty-gritty of a subject. The two most represented states were West Virginia (where the college was located) and Pennsylvania. Anyone from the east side of PA knows it's called soda. End of story. Any one from West Virginia, and even western Pennsylvania called it Pop, no ifs, ands, or buts. Then there was the one girl from Spain who always called it "Coke." It could have been Pepsi, Slice, or RC Cola, it was all "Coke" to her.

I don't know why this was going through my mind today, but it got me thinking, what kept us, as professed Christians at the time, from debating the real issues? Why did we avoid real in-depth bible study?

I was reading a post on Debunking Christianity called No Such Elective Offered. In it, the author talked about how Christians, while attending church all sixteen hundred times each week a service, worship group, or prayer meeting is offered, the Christians are there, but they are so busy agreeing with what they think they know about the bible, but they aren't learning about how the bible actually came about.

And, I almost hate to say, in all my two years of attending Appalachian Bible College, there was really no course on teaching actual bible history. And do you know why? It's not really that conservative's don't care, per se, but they use their bible as history. I know, I know, it's not the same thing.

But I think the mind-set goes something like this (having been there myself my whole life, I think I have a better clue than atheists and agnostics who haven't been raised and surrounded by conservative Christians). There really is no need for Christians to study how the bible came about, cause the answer lies in these passages:

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• 2 Peter 1:20 Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.
• 2 Peter 1:21 For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake [as they were] moved by the Holy Ghost.
  and
  
• 2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness

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I won't even get into how many private interpretations there actually are of the bible, since apparently Paul and Peter never considered a country with 1,800 different branches of Christianity (just a guess...).

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Following these passages, therefore, if the word of god is so good and perfect and inspired by god, it meets all their needs, as well as tells them everything they need to know. But these next verses, I think, seal the deal for most of them:

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• Col 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.
• 1 Timothy 6:3-8 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, [even] the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness; He is proud, knowing nothing, but doting about questions and strifes of words, whereof cometh envy, strife, railings, evil surmisings, Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself. But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into [this] world, [and it is] certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

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And even now, I won't go into just how many people have been killed in wars, murders, and such in the name of religion, let alone Chriistianity.

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So why does a Christian not want to hear about evolution? Or carbon dating? Or even other religions? The bible tells them so.

And even at conservative Appalachian Bible College, our great debate? What do we call what we drink. Because apparently, we only need be satisfied with the clothes we have and the food we eat. Sounds like a perfect set-up for a cult. Unquestioning followers, no thirst for knowledge, no need to ever think about anything but what to wear, what to eat, and what the bible has to say.

So whether it's soda, pop, soda-pop, or coke, it doesn't matter. As long as you show up for church on sunday, god will take care of everything.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

...but that's enough about me... how are you all?

So I worked Saturday for about 5 hours, then went to my parent's house as my sister and niece were up visiting. Enter lots of games, lots of laughs, and a late night. But that's okay, right? It was Saturday!!!

So I wake up Sunday morning, having spent the night at my parents since it was so late when we finished what felt like our millionth game of pictionary... It was about 9 a.m. I go upstairs to the living room, where my father and mother and sister are watching a sermon on television... Whoop-dee. But I look around...

"Where's my dog?" I ask. "Out on the deck with Cheyenne?" (Their dog.)
"Shh..." My mother waves her hands as she says this.
"Well, I let him out this morning to go to the bathroom..." And he trails off.

Now, let me say, my dog does like to run away when he's bored! This is like the sixth out of seven times they've watched my dog and he's run off (that might be a slight exageration). Now don't get me wrong, he's run away on me, too. Usually when my stupid-ass neighbors feel like they need to tell me trivial, unimportant things about themselves and their families.

But I'm not upset. He always, always comes home in an average of three hours. So I go outside, have a ciggie (Oh, yeah, FYI, the quitting didn't stick--round two next weekend) and yell his name a few half-hearted times. I go back in. Mom's crying about something the pastor said, getting caught up in her own type of religious hysteria. Dad looks up and says, "Any sign?"
"Nope. What time did he run?"
"About seven-thirty."
"Okay, he's got about an hour and a half left. I think I'll call the gate."
"No, don't do that," my dad says. He's hoping to avoid a fine for having an unleashed dog running around, but since he always comes back, I just drop that line of thought.

Now, reader, calm yourself. I am not callous. Just a realist. Plus, this isn't like center-city New York or anything... It's in the Pocono's, bordered by state game lands, and lots and lots of deer and forest. And he always comes back. Now what I didn't count on is some goody-two-shoes hick with a chip on her shoulder. At about noon, I'm worried, but I won't let it show, cause I know my family will want to "pray" for him. Rich knows I'm worried, too, but he keeps my family distracted like a good husband so they won't get on my nerves.

Me and Dad hop in the truck about one and start circling the surrounding area. Nothing. Then my mom decides she would like to go with me to pick up something locally I won on eBay... I don't want to leave until Hawthorne is back, but I know my being there won't change anything either, so we go, and it was a nice three hour distraction.

But when I get back, my dog is still no where around. I decide, Dad be damned, I'm letting the gate know I'm missing my dog. I'll pay the damn fees (stupid fascist home-owners association!), I just want Hawthorne back!

After I call the gate ("No, Hawthorne, not Popcorn. About 50 pounds, looks like a big Jack Russell Terrier with big brown cow spots."), I begin calling around to local animal shelters, leaving about three messages before there's a knock at the door. I hear Mom yell, "Answer that!" (Yeah, like I'm going to ignore the knock?), and when I open the door, there's a rent-a-cop.

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RAC: You lose the dog?
Me:(Hopeful) You found him?
RAC: He a pit bull?
Me: Uhh...
RAC: Choker collar?
Me: He breaks all the normal collars...
RAC: Licensed?
Me: Not really...
RAC: Rabies?
Me: Oh, no-no-no, he doesn't have rabies! (Nervous laugh.)
RAC: No, is he vaccinated against rabies?
Me: Oh, of course!
RAC: He a pitty?
Me: Pity? (Confusion at this apparent straight-guy lingo we've morphed into...)
RAC: Pitbull?
Me: Well, half...
RAC: You feed him? He looks awful skinny...
Me: Oh, you did find him! (Spirit soars!)
RAC: You feed this dog?
Me: What? Of course I feed him.. He eats three full bowls of food a day! Listen, did you find my dog or not?
RAC: He's on the other side of the mountain.
Me: Okay... (Is that close? Is that bad? Spirits nearing depths of despair...)
RAC: Got a car?
Me: Yes... (No, you stupid fuck, we have three cars in the driveway with three obviously-older-than-sixteen people in the house, but no car. Dumbass.)
RAC: Follow me...

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I so wish I was making this shit up...
So I follow him about six miles--in a car, belive it or not--to a small, nondescript house tucked away in the woods. He pulls over and puts on his four-ways, so I do the same and quickly exit my car. I see my dog (and he sees me and begins whining and yipping), but RAC grabs my arm before I can go up to the house.

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RAC: He licensed?
Me: Um, no... (Oh, God, we have to do this again!)
RAC: You know that's a fine...
Me: Fine, write up the ticket, I'm going to get my dog.

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So I walk (jog... okay run) up to the house. My dog is chained to a post on, I shit you not, a foot-long leash. 1. Foot. That's 12 inches. This doesn't immediately register, as I'm so happy to see him. I unhook him as a woman exits the house to stand next to him and me as I hug him and he licks me to death.

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Hick:He yours?
Me: Yes, thank you! (No, I randomly walk up to people's houses with a rent-a-cop and pet peoples dogs and let them off their leashes! You mean you don't?)
Hick: Friendly pup. He a pitty?
Me: Half... (Why do people ask this all the fucking time? Is there a pitbull version of Cujo that I haven't seen?)
Hick: He's awful skinny... Ate a bowl of food that I gave him...
Me: Yeah, well, he's always hungry!
Hick: You feed him?
Me: Yeah, three bowls a day! He's got a fast metabolism that I envy!
RAC: Sir, you have a leash for him?
Me: Uh, yeah, it's right there in the car.
RAC: Well, son, until he's on the leash, please do not let the dog off the porch leash.
Me: No, it's okay, I'm going to put him in the car now--
RAC: Son, leash the dog, then go procure your leash, and then you may transfer the dog to your vehicle.
Me: But--
RAC: Sir, please do not make me repeat myself.
Hick: (To RAC) He feed that dog?
RAC: He says he does...
Me: (Coming back from the car, losing patience) Three bowls a day. He has a very fast metabolism.
Hick: Sure is skinny little fellar. Ate a whole bowl of food here, he did.
Me: Yeah, um, can I offer you money or something? (No shit Sherlock, I just told you he eats three fucking bowls a day! Of course he'll eat something if you put it in front of him, he's a fucking DOG, you dumb shit!)
RAC: Now, son, I'll need to see proof of licensing for this dog within 7 days. Can you produce proof of licensing this dog within seven days?
Me: Yeah, if I need to.
Hick: You need dog food or something?
Me: No, thank you--
RAC: I'll need to fine you a couple hundred if you don't.
Me: Yeah, sure, no prob--
Hick: You ain't from here, are ya? You talk funny... What is that accent?
Me: Accent? (I talk funny?)
RAC: You don't live here? Who's house were you in?
Me: (Unsure who to answer) I, uhh, grew up near Philly, I live near Lehighton now, just up--
Hick: I suppose you sound like you're from Philadelphia.
(Well, I'm so glad I sound legitimate to you!)
RAC: Lehighton? Son, can I see some ID?
Me: Yes, um, here's my driver's license (Handing him my wallet)
Hick: Why you up in these parts?
Me: Visiting my folks... (None of you business, maybe?)
RAC: I can give you ten business days.
Me: For what?
Hick: I thought you was raised in Philadelphia?
RAC: To show proof of licensing of the pet.
Me: They moved up he-- Oh, yes, okay, do you have an address I can mail that to? (Oh my fucking word! Did I die and go to hell? Is this where gay people spend eternity, in hickland surrounded by idiots?!? Help, someone!!!!)
Hick: He's been here since about 8 a.m. When did you notice he left?
Me: When I woke up.

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So, to make a long story barely shorter, I got the damn dog licensed, ran him to the vet to realize he sprained his ankles either chasing deer or dealing with a leash made for rats, am currently mailing out the proof of licensing to make sure I don't pay a damn fine, did not get to relax due to worry, my dad feels guilty as hell for this but won't admit it and instead would rather ignore the whole issue, and Rich has the whole week off and is spending it in Maryland visiting his brother, sister-in-law, and new nephew....

BTW, I also had overtime tonight. So much for quality alone-time.

I want someone to license me. Apparently I talk funny.

Randy Quaid Isn't Rich Enough...

Not surprising, considering that the only two good movies this mediocre actor has ever been in is Brokeback Mountain and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

And now he's suing Brokeback Mountain because he didn't make enough money for his, what, four lines? Maybe five lines? From the article, he

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accuses the filmmakers of getting Quaid to cut his seven-figure asking price by portraying Brokeback as a "low-budget, art-house movie with no prospect of making money."

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Excuse me? Seven figure salary?!?!?!?! I'm lucky I have a FIVE figure salary... Is he that lose with the money?

Okay, maybe they misled him, who am I to know? Of course, I certainly didn't expect anyone who was straight to even know it existed, let alone go see it, or even want to strike up a conversation with me about it. But whatever...

A gander at the INMD shows that he's been in 108--that's ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT--films, TV shows, or movies. Now you know he wasn't making his seven figure salary for all one hundred and eight... But I mean, come on... He's upset that he got paid a lower salary? After 108 shows and movies? That's a lot even for a bad actor such as he.

Now if we look at the past year's blockbusters according to the IMDB:

Gross.............Movie

• 380,262,555 Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
• 289,188,779 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
• 288,795,853 The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
• 234,280,354 War of the Worlds
• 216,959,345 King Kong
• 209,218,368 Wedding Crashers
• 206,456,431 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
• 205,343,774 Batman Begins
• 193,136,719 Madagascar
• 186,336,103 Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Does anyone see Brokeback up there? Because Randy's lawyers are stating that

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Only later [...] did Quaid learn Brokeback was a Hollywood-backed production with a budget worth "millions more" than he'd been told.

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Yeah, "millions." Okay, well, it did make about $82 million so far... Kind of chump change, though, if you look at the years' actual top blockbusters... Hmm... Not really a big money maker... But then again, I never imagined Randy Quaid as a big money-maker either...

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

So I was talking to my parents last night, and my mother brought up that name... you know, Fred Phelps. She had just heard of him for the first time ever like two days ago while watching Good Morning America. My first response was, "What rock have you been hiding under?"

But then as we talked further about this hateful little man, it became clear--she had no reason to have heard of him before. His hateful kind have never targeted housewives before. Regardless, though, Good Morning America let her know what vile pigs they were, but in a much more polite way...

And then I thought, I wonder what he has to say for himself about this picketing of soldiers' funerals? I, for one, while I certainly do not support the war in and of itself, there isn't a day goes by I don't hope the soldiers are all safe, hope that Dancing Monkey Bush does a better job at getting them the supplies they need, hoping they finally (even though I know he doesn't) have a plan to get our troops home... I do not support the reasons we went there, but now that we are there, we need to do everything in our power to make sure that

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1. The soldiers get anything and everything they need to do their job.
2. The President knows that he's an idiot and no one believes his lies about why we're there (except other idiots).

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But Phelps? What's his take on the whole picketing of funerals? We all know why he pickets the funerals of gay people--because he's a hateful little man who strongly believes that being gay is sinful... I'll simply say, he has every right to believe that, not that I agree, but I also do not think he should be picketing funerals... Regardless, back to what I was saying before, this is what Phelps has to say on his website about picketing the soldiers' funerals...

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Why do you picket soldiers' funerals?
Here are some axiomatic matters of fact:

• These turkeys are not heroes. They are lazy, incompetent idiots looking for jobs because they're not qualified for honest work.
• They were raised on a steady diet of fag propaganda in the home, on TV, in church, in school, in mass media - everywhere - the two-pronged lie:
  1. It's OK to be gay; and,
  2. Anyone saying otherwise, like WBC, is a hatemonger who must be vilified, demonized, marginalized into silence.

Therefore, with full knowledge of what they were doing, they voluntarily joined a fag-infested army to fight for a fag-run country now utterly and finally forsaken by God who Himself is fighting against that country.

They turned America
Over to fags;
They're coming home
In body bags.

America used an IED to bomb Westboro Baptist Church on August 20,1995 - an act of terror aimed at terrorizing us into discontinuing our nationwide Gospel preaching against the homosexual menace.

When America thus became WBC's terrorist, God became America's Terrorist.

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So, why do I do this to myself? So that you can all know that the wolf is really a scared little puppy with a brain the size of a baby birds. If you ever do happen to meet the Phelps clan, tell them god is still waiting to hear from them... and he does not accept collect calls... No really, the Bible tells me so... It does!!

Can I just say, though, if god really is working against America and is terrorizing us, he's doing a piss-poor job... unless Dancing Monkey Bush is our punishment... in that case, god's just hired yet another incompetant servant...

So I Have to Let Dar Know...

So I tried Dar's suggestion of the armor-all car wax... and I have to say, it works tons better than Clorox against the evil orange rust stains that plague my home and house. It actually took the sink two days--TWO DAYS--as opposed to two hours for the drip part of the sink to turn orange... and it was also much easier to wipe the orange off. I would like to thank Dar for her brilliance and for this wonderful idea... and, I would be cleaning my whole bathroom this weekend, but you need to see the post below for what I will actually be doing this weekend... and unfortunately, it doesn't involve drinking, sleeping, eating out, a movie, or time with friends and family....

Although it does involve overtime in my paycheck...

Somehow, though, that doesn't seem like adequate compensation...

The Best Laid Plans of Men and Morons...

So every year for the last four years, we here have worked on a very popular tax guide. The last three years a wonderful young woman named Alyssa worked here and took care of it. Before she left this company, she left very explicit instructions on how to do this book, and a few of the other big name jobs that we do....

Do you think the morons around here can handle it? They're literally sitting in The Grand Scheduler's Office, scratching their heads, calling Alyssa repeatedly and e-mailing her, wondering why she won't call them back... (Psst! Maybe it's because she hasn't worked here in over seven months!!!!)

I hate morons....

Of course, let's also keep in mind that the tax guide has been in house for three weeks now... And in those three weeks, you all can see the results of moments of boredom here at work when they had nothing for my department to do... And now--get this, no joke--they want my whole department (about 5 people in total) to give up their Saturday (yes, two days from now, when we all already have plans and things to do and places to go) to come in and edit it....because they, in three weeks, couldn't get it ready for my department... in three weeks (That's fifteen working days for those of you arithmetically challenged...)

I wish I were fucking kidding.

I'm glad they think we live to work. It's good to feel needed, isn't it?

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In another blast of stupidity from the state that gave us Dancing Monkey Bush, is a news article stating how police are now arresting people in bars for being drunk. Imagine that... drunk people... in a bar.... I can see the logic behind the thought, but what's next? The return of Prohibition, for one. That's the only logical conclusion to this trainwreck of thought and practice....

Of course, maybe if less people had to work morons, less of us would be drunk in bars... Food for thought...

Things I Already Knew About Myself...

...except that no personality test tells me I am an egotist, which I know I come off as...

So, essentially, I am a Mohaired, Soul Seeking Considerate Architect... a little less
SciFi-ish, a little more HGTV-ish...

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Considerate Architect

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Can anyone tell it's been a slow past two days at work?
Apparently, all the little colors in the box mean something different about my personality, and on the web site it tells you what each one stands for and how you rate compared to the other 30,000 people who took this same test...

The problem with such tests is you can make it say you are anything, as all the question in this, the Mohair one, and the Soul Seeker one are all multiple choice... so unless you are very honest with yourself and know how you honestly are, it will simply reinforce long-held lies to yourself about yourself...

But who am I to ruin a bunch of inane fun on so dreary a Tuesday?

Here's what the colors mean (although I don't know which color corelates to which trait):

About You

• You are an Architect
• Your preference for concrete, visually pleasing things, combined with your confidence and your respect for order make you an ARCHITECT.
• You are logical and detail-oriented, which allows you to get things done efficiently.
• You are quite sure of yourself, so that you tend to know the best ways of doing things.
• Your eye for aesthetic beauty and style indicates that you know a lot about design.
• Having a routine and sticking to it is important to you; you find comfort in tradition and familiarity.
• Self-reliance is something in which you take great pride—you are confident and down to earth.
• You have a basic faith in yourself in many areas of your life, allowing you to be self-assured when facing challenges.
• You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.
• You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

If you want to be different:

• Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.
• Question how much you know about things by imagining different possibilities.

How You Relate to Others

• You are Considerate
• You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.
• You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.
• You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.
• Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.
• Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.
• Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.
• You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.
• Your close friends know you as a good listener.

If you want to be different:

• Because other people would benefit immensely from your understanding and insight, you should try to be more outgoing in social situations, even when they make you uncomfortable. Others will want to hear what you have to say!

Your Personality Chart
»Glossary of Traits
This chart shows thirteen personality traits. Each bar indicates the percentage of test takers who entered a lower value for that trait than you did. For example, if Confidence is at 80, that means that 80% of people entered lower values for confidence questions than you did. Based on a sample of 30,000 users.

• Confidence: 72
• Openness: 50
• Extroversion: 20
• Empathy: 46
• Trust in others: 74
• Agency: 28
• Masculinity: 78
• Femininity: 72
• Spontaneity: 56
• Attention to style: 16
• Authoritarianism: 36
• Earthy/Imaginative: 50
• Aesthetic/Functional: 62

At First I Was Simply Mohair...

...and now I am a "Seeker Soul"... The Mohaired Seeker Soul... Has an "SciFi Channel Original series" kind of ring to it, doesn't it?

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges. You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions. Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist. Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!). Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others. And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you. You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically. Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas. Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Suffer the Fools...

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He must be a thorough fool who can learn nothing from his own folly.
- A.W. Hare and J.C. Hare

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Every year--every year--a pair of geese nest outside near the exit to our office building. Every year--every year--the company sends out a memo to:

• Not feed the geese
• Use the other exit or you will be attacked after she lays her eggs behind the bush just outside the door
• Not to throw things at the geese--they are only trying to raise their young in peace and quiet

And every year--every single fucking year--a couple of idiots not only feed, disturb, and harass the geese, but they wonder why they get chased and attacked by the geese when they aren't throwing things at them.

Someone give me hope that there are less fools in the world than my eyes and ears tell me there are.... someone? anyone?

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On another note of foolishness, apparently some cracked drywall is being credited for miraculous healings in a church down south...

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Sigh. Is it okay to say I weep for the future of this country?

Let's Talk About Surrogacy!

For those of you who don't know, I have an ad on craig's list looking for a potential surrogate mother. Here is an e-mail I received from Jennifer M. in regards to that ad. (Last name has been omitted to protect myself from libel or slander lawsuits...):

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I was on craigs list and saw your ad. You were very bold to put an ad like that on the internet. So i know that you must want a child badly. I am a new mother, my child is just 5 months old and i now know the joy of parenthood. Reading your ad made my heart break. I to know that longing that you both are feeling right now because I to felt the same way. Unfortunately I must tell you that the hole in your hearts that you are feeling can only be filled by god and god alone. He created you both and is now tugging at your hearts to accept him and let him change your life. You know that having a same-sex partner is wrong. Repent and accept Jesus as your savior and you shall be forgiven. I will be praying for you both and hope that realize this sooner than later. I am sorry to say this but I pray that you do not get an answer to your ad. Oh and by the way it is illegal to pay someone to have a child for you! Get married to a women and you can have as many babies as you like.

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On a brief sidenote, with all the "persecution" I get from these right-wingers, you'd think I'd be yelling about how oppressed I am! But, back to the subject.

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So Jen has empathy for me. Whooppee, hip-hip-horray for Jen. I want to know why someone like Jen thinks that, not only does she need to start out by expressing her empathy for me, but then to think, even fantasize, that she has the ultimate answer for me. Apparently, my ad has enough pitifulness in it that even the Christians feel badly for a woeful sinner such as myself. But then, to top off her ignorance of the human condition at large, she tells me that hiring a surrogate mother is illegal. Hmm.... so all these years that sterile hetero couples, homo couples such as myself and Rich, and all other types of scenarios of infertility having been solved through the legal hiring of a surrogate are illegal?!?! So says Jen M.

And I wonder what all the infertile hetero couples think of little Jen M.'s solution... get married and have all the kids I want, eh?

1. First off, marriage does NOT equal kids.
2. If I were to get married, I would be living a lie, which would end up hurting the woman I married, my children (for teaching them that to live a lie and be untrue to who you are is okay), the marriage itself, and the countless other friends and family affected by so unholy a union.
3. Jen said get married to a "women." So, polygamy is okay again?
4. I do NOT know, nor has it been my experience that having a same-sex partner is wrong. I dare say, Jen is wrong for assuming that everyone should be married to an opposite-sex person simply because she finds the experience joyful.
5. Three women who I am in the process of conversing with have already answered my ad...
6. And lastly, Jen, sweetheart, even though I'm sure your very deluded heart is somewhat in the right place, I know of at least--at least--a hundred other people praying about my gayness, same as you are now doing. And didn't your Jesus say that "where two or three are gathered in His name" that "your prayer would be answered"? Honey, if it ain't answered by now the way you like, it ain't gonna be...

What is it about a person that allows them to grow to accept the surrogate parenthood of the church? Genetic predisposition? The environment they were raised in? As an individual, a person with life, I feel that to accept to idea of self-hatred, self-loathing, and servitude to an unseen being, as it were, would be to deny, even abhor, the life we have. Life is, indeed, a gift. So why would one choose to deny any of its experiences? Now, don't get me wrong here. I do NOT advocate drug use, bodily whoring, or any other activity the clearly would not only shorten your life, but could make you very ill in the process... but this clearly popular sense of subjecting oneself to despising one's right to enjoy life?

If you could have interviewed slaves back in the day, I'm sure a great deal of them would have said they were quite happy with their lots in life. Quite content to serve the white master, to bring him his food, to be beaten on a whim, and such. Some people feel (and I shudder at this thought) pride in being humiliated as a person. And I suppose that some of the slaves would have been quite happy to have never attained their freedom for the comfort and security of their surrogate "parents," or masters.

I'm sorry, but life ain't always fair. Everyone knows that, whether they like to admit it or not. Life isn't always easy. But I would rather have a difficult, hard-to-attain sense of freedom and life than to give up any parts of my life on the whims of desert wanderers, let alone a bunch of pompous asses in suits telling you you aren't worthy. If, indeed, there is a god, I am of the mind that he wouldn't want us to forgo anything in this life. I could be wrong, but I'm willing to take that shot. It's just a shame that so many like Jen are happy with their slavery, claiming "freedom in Christ."

I'll leave you all with this thought:

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"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
--Epicurus 341-270 B.C., ancient Greek philosopher

---

Not that I'm saying all answers can be found with Epicurus... but it is worth thinking about, isn't it?

Very Superstitious...

I was thinking today (something I try not to do at work since it can get you into trouble...) about the difference between what makes a superstition just a superstition, and when it becomes religion.

I mean, besides doctrine and a building with a steeple.

I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night (great show, highly recommended to all!) and it focused a lot on weird things people feel they have to do when they have no control: like the surgeon who always has a favorite skull-cap for surgery, the other surgeon who closes her eyes and sighs almost prayer-like to the heavens before making the first cut, the patient who sees a flat tire as a sign that she shouldn't have left her house that morning...

Our culture tends to make lite of known superstitions: walking under a ladder, black cat crossing your path, the breaking of a mirror... Hell, we even made semi-horror movies out of them, like Friday the Thirteenth (all thirteen of them!) and Saturday the Fourteenth.

But if you write a book about it, establish some clear rules for what can and cannot be held as belief (as opposed to superstition), suddenly you have either a religion or a cult.

Now we all know a cult is simply a religion with less followers...

A religion is simply a cult that is part of mainstream society...

And superstition is even less than that.

I just read a story about a group of villagers in India that beheaded an entire family of five because they were thought to have cursed some people that worked at a tea garden. People here in America read this story and think, "What were they thinking? There's no such thing as cursing people and witchcraft!" (Okay, not all Americans, cause there are the Wiccans and such that have strong beliefs in witchcraft and such, and this post is not meant as a slight against them...), but still, the ludicrousness of something like that happening in America seems highly unlikely (unless you live high up in the Appalachian Mountains... but I digress).

But things like this do happen in America all the time, under the guise of "religion." Take ex-gay camps. They think through prayer and fasting and "healing," God will perform a "miracle" and make you un-gay. Or when someone is in the hospital, and their church group comes in and prays over them with "healing hands" that God *(if it is His will) will heal you.

---

Slight digression: Top Ten Ways You Know You Are a Christian Fundamentalist:

1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of other gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.
   
2. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lower life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
   
3. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in three gods- the trinity.
   
4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" --including women, children, and trees!
   
5. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that some spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
   
6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a couple of generations old.
   
7. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs --though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
   
8. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.
   
9. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
   
10. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
    --Author unknown

---

I think my "digression" makes most of the point itself, so I'll simply end with this: Christianity is nothing more than superstitions held by Jewish tribesmen from back in the day wandering the desert written down and changed by Europeans to sound more civil, given a face in Jesus, and sold as "Snake Oil" (I can't think of the real term... Sorry!) to cure your woes and give you something to believe in...

Not that I don't have faith... but one must ask oneself, where do you put your faith and why? And more than that, what is the point of putting my faith in ________?

And if you think it wrong to ask yourself these questions, you will have seven years bad luck! :D

---

P.S.-- I like the blue... I'm keeping it!

Another thought about Saul/Paul...

So we all know what a critic I am of this book the Bible that so many hold in high regard. And while always having been of the opinion that Paul should not have a place in this book, regardless of other feelings and thoughts I have about it, I just thought I'd point out something about the guy that is a glaring problem for people that take his word as gospel (pun intended...):

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ACT 9:7 And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man.

ACT 22:9 And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me.

---

My personal opinion about Paul in general? He realized that the persecuting the Christians thing was getting old, maybe public opinion was against his little crusade against them, so he decided to get back at the Christians in another way. Or maybe his conscience finally caught up with him and did decide to convert to this new religion. Perhaps he had amnesia after falling off his ass (hehehe, that cracks me up!). Who really knows? Regardless, he and Luke should have gotten their stories straight before submitting their manuscripts to the publisher.

---

---

One other thought about biblical contradictions, something for the believers to argue about:

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Matt 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (NIV)

Matt 6:3-4 "But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (NIV)

---

So which is it? I mean, at least we can say for sure Jesus wanted all to do good things; he himself apparently did plenty of good things. But should they be in secret? or not? In chapter 5 he is talking to his disciples after leaving the multitudes... in chapter 6 he's still in the same place talking to the same people (Talk about your long-winded preachers!).

Feel free to leave comments on your thoughts or feelings...

P.S.: Do we like the blue? Or should I go back to white?

It's Time for a Revival!

Okay, here is the cast of today's post:

• My grandmother (you all know how crazy she is from previous posts)
• Uncle Kip (my mother's brother and grandmother's second child; recovering and sometimes stumbling drug and alcohol addict)
• Uncle Roy (Grandmother's brother-in-law; pastor, right-wing idiot)
• Sylvia (my sister with red hair, named for the matron of this saga of weird)
• Me (brilliant, handsome, and witty teller of this tale)

---

So Kip is living with this flake Sally. Sweet girl, from the two times I've met her. Apparently she has boku pets, so many that if the authorities found out she'd be in a heap of trouble... Kip is a moron. Ever seen that show "The Osborne's"? Ozzy is my uncle Kip, but slight, slightly not as bad. So last week my mother gets a call from Sally (who Mom has also only met once or twice) to tell her that Kip is abusing her. Okay...

So my mother counsels Sally the best way she knows how... tells her that if she is getting abused, she should leave, she should report him, yadda yadda yadda... But Sally can't bear to leave all her animals in Kip's care and claim Kip has killed at least one of them...

So then Kip calls my mom, and gives her his side of the story (and trust me, between Kip and Sally, they could talk the leg off a mule...) So mom counsels him, tells him he shouldn't hit, this and that... she didn't know who to believe, and frankly, I wouldn't have known either and would have liked to just forget they exist, but ... whatever...

Enter today. Now we all know how my grandmother can't bear to part with the 10 cents it costs to call someone long-distance. So, she calls my sister Sylvia (one of the only persons brave enough to stay within the local calling zone of grandmom's house), and tells Sylvia to call my mom and tell her that Uncle Roy has "saved" Sally, but that she (Grandmom) doesn't believe it...

God, I know, there are so many things wrong with that sentence, but I'm just here to tell the facts.

Now, you have to know Uncle Roy. He ruined my grandfathers funeral, with the blessing of my grandmother, by using it as a sermon-time instead of a remebrance time... he also has the ugliest mug this side of the Mississippi... and he also claimed to "save" my gay uncle Tim, all his kids girl- and boyfriends during any given month, and so on and so forth; a real holy-roller.

Okay, so here's the apparent "salvation" of the situation: Sally is "saved," so apparently this must mean that Kip won't beat her (if he was beating her) because god will protect her; Kip, having probably been "saved" by Uncle Roy and various others throughout his life, is still living in sin with Sally (as she is a live-in girlfriend, not his third wife) but maybe they'll think about their "sinful" lifestyle; Grandmom still thinks she knows better than god (even though she's been proven wrong by Fate, Destiny, 2 marriages, 3 kids, 11 grandkids, Death, Taxes, and her God) and thinks she's judge and jury on someone's apparent "salvation" by Jesus Christ; Mom is worried that Grandmom doesn't have enough faith (which generally I agree with) in her life, but has always struggled in her relationship with her mother anyway, and only death will change that; and I heard it all through the grapevine!

---

Now for my unfettered opinion about the whole thing:

---

This whole concept of salvation being the end all/be all I think is a load of hokey, as many of my millions of fans know by now. Not only does it go against the American spirit of Individualism (Can-Do-ism, if you will), the whole concept of a god who says you must feel like crap about yourself and your "sinful" life which you were born into through no fault of your own before he deems you worthy of escaping the flames of hell just disagrees with me to my very core. Of course, most of the precepts like these held by Christians in general were set forth by Paul, who I feel doesn't even deserve to be in the bible, much less listened to (I mean, come on, how many times have wacko's claimed to "hear the voice of God telling him what to do" after falling off his horse like a drunken idiot?). But I'll digress before my mother calls me in a panic about my "salvation" in general...

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In other news, the green font is only for today in honor of my Irish heritage form my mother's and father's families (though it is by no means pure), and you can expect vanilla white to return when I next have something to either gripe about, think about, or care about.

Have a good one!

Further Proof of My Boredom...

This is how I (briefly) spent part of my Wednesday night:


You are Mohair.
You are a warm and fuzzy type who works well with others, doing your share without being too weighty. You can be stubborn and absolutely refuse to change your position once it is set, but that's okay since you are good at covering up your mistakes.


What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Am Slowly Going Crazy...

Crazy going slowly am I...

Okay, I have no idea where that ditty is from, but it's sung to a little tune, and on days like this it gets stuck in my head, round and round and round...

---

I am slowly going crazy,
Crazy going slowly am I...

---

I dunno whether it's because it got cold again, if it's due to getting up in the middle of a great sex dream, or what, but everyone is getting on my nerves over silly little things that normally I would just shrug off.

Such is life.

I have decided that I am doing nothing tonight. How is this different from my normal nights, you say? Well, usually there's playing fetch with the dog for about an hour (and it only ever ends because I get tired of it, not he), making something for dinner, doing either a load of dishes or laundry (whichever is piled higher), talking to one of the following on the phone:

• Mom
• Sister 1 (Sylvia)
• Sister 2 (Cynthia)
• Tammy
• Scott
• Courtney

and then watching a little something on the boob-tube. Tonight I would skip straight to the boob-tube, but even that is boring lately. I haven't played SimCity for a while, but that's boring, too. I've mastered every game for my GameCube except Metroid (cause it's just a royal pain in the ass). I have no inspiration for my artwork, and since I read at work all day, a good book is the last thing I want to curl up with...

This week is just plain dragging...

I wish for nice weather, to get my hands in the dirt and garden! I found these two great, really old porch railings in Germansville on my way home last night--beauties! I even know where I want to put them in my flower garden--right along the stone pathway leading from the front yard to the side where the pool is, where the clematis vines can wind around them (along with my annual morning glories!), with hostas along the bottom and a row of ostrich ferns behind to set off the deep black I will paint them... We have a Japanese cherry that hangs over the path as well, and since I'll be replacing the old cracked faux concrete stones this year with real ones from my parent's and in-laws properties, it's gonna look fantastic! And along the other side of the house (where the neighbors house is only ten feet from mine... that was almost the deal-breaker for not buying this house), I plan on planting oriental daylillies, tiger lilies, balloon flowers, perennial geraniums, and to trim back the severely overgrown fire bushes...

But it's 40 degrees today, and is supposed to be for the rest of the five-day forecast, apparently, with snow showers expected Thursday night into Friday... :(

Remember on Monday when it was 75 with a slight breeze?

---

I am slowly going crazy,
Crazy going slowly am I...

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Septic Tanks Do Not a Saturday Make...

So it's spring again. Flowers are blooming (almost), trees are budding, neighbors are once again in the yard speaking to me when I least desire them too... and the distinct smell of an overflowing septic system assails the nostrils...

Gross, I know.

I wander around to my backyard and head for the basement door. When I open it, I am pissed. Literally. I stepped in it. It seems there was a problem somewhere in the vast maze of pipes that constituted 1940's era construction of a home. And where the labyrinthian maze of pipes came together right before exiting my domain to the aforementioned septic system, gross things were leaking in. And like any person involved in solving a problem in my first home, I called my father.

---

Me:Hello, Dad?
Dad:Well, hello there!
ME:Hey, Dad, I have an issue.
Dad:(Yelling to my mother) No, the second one! (Back at me) Hello!
Me:I have a problem--
Dad:(yelling to my mother) What's that? (Back at me) Hold on, your mother wants to say something.
Me:But, Dad wai--
Mom: Hi!

Enter 20 minutes of inane gossip
about various members of my family
Mom:Well, it was nice chat--
Me:Mom, I need to talk to Dad...
Mom:Oh, hold on... I think he left for the bank... I'll be back...

A clunk of the phone, and I hear my mother yelling
in various parts of the house
Mom:Here he is...
Dad:Hello, son!
Me:Dad, my septic tank is backing up into the basement...
Dad:Oh, sounds like you have a problem...

---

So after many questions that only required a yes/no answer, my father came down and we spent the next four hours snaking the system. And we did eventually manage to unclog the stupid thing... after being interrupted at different times by the variety of characters that are my neighbors... The only one who actually always takes a long time to get rid of is old Luther, who built my house with his brother and brother-in-law, and although he can waste eons of my time talking about who used to live where, and who did what when, and the various parts of military plane automechnics, he cannot tell me where my drain field is, where the pipes leading to the septic tank are, or anything else of actual practical value...

Such is life. We were supposed to have been going to the Philadelphia Art Museum on this day... and instead spent the afternoon smelling our bodily waste... Of course, having seen some of what is called "Modern Art," I suppose it amounts to doing the same thing...

What's a Republican To Do?

So, once again, I was watching George Stephanopoulos again on ABC. This time Rep. Bill Frist was on. Once again, George asked about South Dakota's communistic law about abortions, and the banning of all except in the case of the mother's life. Again, it went very similar to John McCain's appearance on the show:

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George:So, if you were governor of South Dakota, would you have signed this bill?
Frist:Well, I've always been anti-abortion except in cases of rape, incest, and the mother's life. We have way too many abortions in this country.
George:So you wouldn't sign? Or you would?
Frist:Well, I think the voters know where I stand. I've always been pro-life and value the sanctity of life...
blah blah blah

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What is it about the right-wing? They always say their against abortion except in three cases:

1. Incest
   
2. Rape
   
3. Life of the Mother
   

So why can't they just say "I wouldn't sign that bill?" as the bill doesn't make exceptions for rape and incest? Or, better yet, why can't they even say, "Normally I would, but in these instances..."?
Because they either:

1. really don't feel that Rape or Incest are good enough reasons to terminate a pregnancy, even though it's not their child they'll have to raise and look at every day with the knowledge of where that child came from, and even of they were pushing it out of their Hoo-Hoo-Dilly hole and then giving it up for adoption, going through the whole traumatic experience of delivering a child brought about in such a fashion...
   
2. Or, they never really believed the state should tell a woman what to do to begin with but know it'll cost them votes on either side if they take a stand either way...
   

Regardless, these are the kinds of morons that have controlled this country for the past 6 years... and in the 2004 elections, the majority of Americans voted to keep 'em. Bunch of idiots in this country I live in, that's for sure. These are also the same morons that allow Dancing Monkey Bush to keep breaking the law without investigating, that want to write a law post-effective so that he never did break the law with his illegal wiretaps (even though he did), that keeps wanting to give tax breaks to people who don't need to work two full-time jobs just to keep their house (barely!), left vacation early the only time ever to insert himself into a family to tell them they couldn't take a woman off life support, who lied about Saddam and WMD and tried to correlate it into 9/11 which Saddam had nothing to do with, who spends tons of money rebuilding Iraq but can't spend half as much to rebuild New Orleans, who claims that he's still hunting for Osama bin Laden (remember him? the real mastermind behind 9/11?), and...

You know what? This could take hours. And, if I thought the average American was half-way intelligent, I know I wouldn't be wasting my breath. But, unfortunately, I think I am (wasting my breath). To all of you who are not morons, I understand and feel your anger. Make sure you vote in 2006 and 2008. Try to get our country back from these assholes. And make sure the right-wing morons know that a theocracy America is not. It is the Land of the Free. Not the Land of the Christians. People (and, yes, right-wingers, that includes women) should be able to live how they want, when they want, as they want UNLESS it infringes upon someone else's right to live how/when/as they want. And abortion, gay marriage, divorce does not meet those requirements. You think abortion is wrong? Don't have one! You think gay marriage is wrong? Don't marry someone of the same sex! You think divorce/adultery/drinking/gambling are wrong? Then don't fucking do them!!! But DON'T think that just because you think they are wrong, everyone should live that way.

So what's a Republican to do? Don't like the fact that our constitution garuntees individual rights? Either don't participate in those rights, or move to fucking China. Interestingly enough, right-wing morons and China (not to mention Iran and Cuba) agree on a lot of things. The freedoms of individuals not being necessary happen to be one of them.

I Hate Easy Listening...

We are forced to listen to it day-in, day-out here at work. We used to be able to listen to our own private little radios at out desks, but since they moved our office to another, "remodeled" location where the heat never works but the carpet has no duct tape holding it together, B101 it's been.

And I just heard Madonna's "Like A Prayer."

Remember when that song came out? All the furor over Madonna making out with a black Jesus and such... I was working at the pizza place at the Zern's farmer's market, 13 years old, and I used to jam to that while washing the damn pie pans... At church and in youth group we learned of how Madonna was evil, and her music was sacrilegious, et cetera, et cetera.

And now it plays on B101, preceded by Josh Grobin's "You Lift Me Up" and Paula Abdul's "Do You Really Want A Love to Be Forever"...

The irony of it all...

Faith and a Clorox Bottle...

I have really hard water. When we bought the house, even the home inspector was amazed at how much iron was in our water. (Side note: Anyone with an iron deficiency, stop by for a glass, it'll fix you right up!) It turns the sink, toilet, and shower orange in a microsecond. Think I'm lying? Doesn't matter. It's still orange.

Their original color is an off-white, ivory if you will. And we've tried all kinds of cleaning products to clean off the orange, and the best by far is a thing called an "Earth Sponge," made entirely of recycled waste. Rub-rub-rub, orange is gone. But I've been looking into ways of preventing the orange from setting. Cause, let's face it, cleaning the bathroom is a pain in the ass.

And, wallah! Enter Clorox. It promises to not only clean, but to create an invisible Teflon barrier to prevent hard water stains, iron, rust, and other mineral deposits from staining your facilities. And I placed my faith in that promise. I mean, come on, I was paying like $5 for the stinkin' bottle when I could get the generic at the dollar store for less than half that. But we all know how all generics and name-brands are not created equal.

So I used my Earth Sponge to erase the orange, then broke out the Clorox. I followed the directions step-by-step. Now, being an invisible barrier, I don't expect to actually see anything happen. So I congratulate myself, turn off the light, and watch my Friday-night line-up on television.

Two hours later: I go into the bathroom to drain the lizard. Crude, I know, but whatever. What do I see? An orange ring at the water line of the toilet. I lean over and peer into the sink. Orange drip stain from the faucet. I pull back the shower curtain. Orange. Orange, orange, fucking orange. I grew up in a seventies house. I hate orange (especially when paired with olive green, but I digress). Orange fucking sucks.

I realize that I have been had by commercialism once again. Invisible barrier my ass. We have yet to invent a viable use for invisible ink. Granted, how can I prove that Clorox failed? Maybe the barrier is there, but my water is just to much for it... sort of like (I'm drifting into trekie talk here, but bear with me...) the shields on the Enterprise. I can here the Tidy Toilet Bowl Man now:

---

TTBM: Captain! Shields are down 80 percent!
Capt: Hold steady course. The bottle promised protection against this enemy!
TTBM: 70 percent! Captain, we can't take this assault much longer. The Iron Moleculations are concentrating on the curve of the bowl!
Capt: Starting evasive maneuvering! Break out the Wand 6000! Scrub, dammit, scrub!
TTBM: It's no use, captain! Shields at 45 percent and falling!
Capt: Where's the back-up! Never trust a brillo pad to be there when you need him!
TTBM: 10 percent! Captain!
Capt: Dammit, I'm a ship's captain, not a maid!
TTBM: Arrgghhh! I'm orange! I'm turning orange! Nnnnnnoooooooooooo!!!!!


---

So my faith in Clorox failed me. I have yet to find a preventive measure against iron. Much like Christians have yet to find a preventive measure against sin. But at least Clorox will send me a refund, or coupons or some-such other compensation. I wonder what god will send the Christians when they find their faith is misplaced as well?

I know, I know... I can't even talk about my toilet without trouncing on the right-wing maroons... I can't help it there's a resemblance, though, can I? Shitty is as shitty does...
(I know, Bob, I know, I'm so going to hell for that, save yourself the time of writing me an
e-mail...)

So I Was Sent an Anonymous E-mail...

They signed their letter "Bob." Quotes included. I sent a reply to the e-mail person_of_the_lord@yahoo.com, but I don't hold out large quantities of hope that "Bob" will respond again, but I'd like to make some things clear in case there are other who feel the same way as "Bob."

I don't feel it makes me a hypocrite to quote the bible, or even learn some things from it. Yes, I have stated that I do not hold it to be true, by which I mean historically or as the "word of god." Does this mean that it cannot be learned from? I think any rational person would say you can learn things from a person or thing you have basic disagreements with. I disagree with things people say all the time, and most of the time I'll just nod my head, but I learn from every interaction. I read lots of books whose basic premises and claims I find ridiculous, even radically idiotic. But I still learn.

Whether that be learning about a mind-set, looking at something from a new perspective, entertaining a point of argument that I personally never considered... There are many different "ways" of learning. When as I child I learned that 2 + 2 = 4, not only did I learn that equation, I learned of the existence of mathematics, of how singular things can equal totally new things when put together, how not paying attention to all parts of a problem can be disastrous... Now, I'm not saying all these things crossed my six or seven year old brain at that time, but all of these are lessons learned from so simple an equation.

So, "Bob," just because I quoted your holy book doesn't mean I am a Christian, and it doesn't mean I'm a hypocrite, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm goign to hell (although you may believe it is so). I happen to share a long history with this book, most of my life, actually. And whether I like it or not, whether I agree with it or not, whether I view it the same way as you or not, it is a part of my life and experiences. It is a part of who I am.

I dare say, it would be foolish of anyone to disregard something simply because you disagree with it. And just because I disagree with the supposed "accuracy" of it's historical context and the "authenticity" of the author, doesn't mean it cannot be a valuable learning tool. Much like the writings of Charles Darwin, Henry Louis Gates Jr., hell, even Oprah Winfrey, can be controversial and cause much disagreement of ideals and thoughts... but it doesn't mean you can't learn something valuable from them.

And that is all I have to say about that. Hope this enlightens you, "Bob." And in the future, "Bob," if you aren't man/woman enough to put your name on your message, I wonder how your god will view this act of cowardice... I mean, if you can't even put your name on defending his "word" from a big bad evil person like me, how will you defend this action to your god?

Even though you disagree with me, I hope you've learned something...

Non-Smoking Makes Me a Dan...

And for those of you who never had the pleasure, be grateful. He was always bitchy, angry, throwing things at his desk, yelling at anyone within a ten-foot radius of his cubicle, and generally foul-tempered.

And then I thought, why am I angry about this? It certainly isn't productive, anger rarely is... I'm reminded of something I read in "The Dhammapada" translated by Eknath Easwaran...

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I have learnt through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world.

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And I am also reminded of a bible verse my one teacher oft-quoted in college:

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Pro 14:16 A wise [man] feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident. 17 [He that is] soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

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I do need to learn how to not let my temper get in the way of being a productive person, let alone a rational human being. I also need to remember how I used to be before nicotine. I need to not let boredom or irrationality control me. That is how silly e-mails from my mother get my goat and disturb reality.

**topic shift

• Kelly's eyes have bulged out of her skull.
  
• Tamie will be getting a visit from Rich and I in late April (we'll see if Tennessee can handle all the liberalism...)
  
• Bethany started talking to me again today after pointedly ignoring everyone in our department.... I am rethinking the whole existence of hell thing... :D
  (Disclaimer: That statement is me lightening up!)
  

So I Was in a Bad Mood...

... yesterday. I realize that now. And I should learn to lighten up. But here it is, March 2, my daffodils and tulips started coming up in January (when the average temp was in the high fifties), and now we are getting 3 to 6 inches of snow. I'm sure they'll never bloom now. I also had a dream last night that was very depressing for me personally, as I stated to myself that I would never be a father. I'm sure this is in part due to the fact that every year I know of at least three pregnant persons in my semi-social circles and beyond. I myself have become an uncle every year for the last 5 years. And the fact that I am poor was probably also a factor.

It's hard to have hope for the future sometimes, especially during the winter blah season. I would like to state that this feeling in no way detracts from my happiness and hope for all the wonderful families already in progress at this point, and if I were more superstitious, I might feel that this post would cause even more bad news for myself and others. But even I am not that self-centered, although at times we all are.

Anyway, I'm off to find a happy thought.

Another Country Heard From...

This is an e-mail my mother sent me this morning:


In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the godless and assigned their sharpest attorneys to the case.

The case was brought before a wise judge who after listening to the long, passionate presentation of the ACLU lawyers, promptly banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!"

The lead ACLU lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss his case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews--why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah ... and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said "Obviously your client is too confused to know about, or for that matter, even celebrate the atheists' holiday!"

The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists, just when might that be, your honor?"

The judge said "Well it comes every year on exactly the same date--April 1st!"

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." -- Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53:1

HOORAY FOR THIS JUDGE


Not that I have any huge sermons to preach or anything, but thought I'd share with the masses the latest idiocy being perpetuated by the mindless right-wing. My mother, being the sweet, deluded, naive thing that she is, simply thought it was hysterical, which is why she passed it along. So I tried explaining to her just how many of the things in this fictional story were screwed up.

She told me to lighten up. And so, not only for my mother's sake, but for the sake of Kelly's bleeding eyeballs, I will end this post before I really get revved up.

Have a nice day all!