Monday, March 20, 2006

Let's Talk About Surrogacy!

For those of you who don't know, I have an ad on craig's list looking for a potential surrogate mother. Here is an e-mail I received from Jennifer M. in regards to that ad. (Last name has been omitted to protect myself from libel or slander lawsuits...):

I was on craigs list and saw your ad. You were very bold to put an ad like that on the internet. So i know that you must want a child badly. I am a new mother, my child is just 5 months old and i now know the joy of parenthood. Reading your ad made my heart break. I to know that longing that you both are feeling right now because I to felt the same way. Unfortunately I must tell you that the hole in your hearts that you are feeling can only be filled by god and god alone. He created you both and is now tugging at your hearts to accept him and let him change your life. You know that having a same-sex partner is wrong. Repent and accept Jesus as your savior and you shall be forgiven. I will be praying for you both and hope that realize this sooner than later. I am sorry to say this but I pray that you do not get an answer to your ad. Oh and by the way it is illegal to pay someone to have a child for you! Get married to a women and you can have as many babies as you like.
On a brief sidenote, with all the "persecution" I get from these right-wingers, you'd think I'd be yelling about how oppressed I am! But, back to the subject.
So Jen has empathy for me. Whooppee, hip-hip-horray for Jen. I want to know why someone like Jen thinks that, not only does she need to start out by expressing her empathy for me, but then to think, even fantasize, that she has the ultimate answer for me. Apparently, my ad has enough pitifulness in it that even the Christians feel badly for a woeful sinner such as myself. But then, to top off her ignorance of the human condition at large, she tells me that hiring a surrogate mother is illegal. Hmm.... so all these years that sterile hetero couples, homo couples such as myself and Rich, and all other types of scenarios of infertility having been solved through the legal hiring of a surrogate are illegal?!?! So says Jen M.

And I wonder what all the infertile hetero couples think of little Jen M.'s solution... get married and have all the kids I want, eh?
  1. First off, marriage does NOT equal kids.
  2. If I were to get married, I would be living a lie, which would end up hurting the woman I married, my children (for teaching them that to live a lie and be untrue to who you are is okay), the marriage itself, and the countless other friends and family affected by so unholy a union.
  3. Jen said get married to a "women." So, polygamy is okay again?
  4. I do NOT know, nor has it been my experience that having a same-sex partner is wrong. I dare say, Jen is wrong for assuming that everyone should be married to an opposite-sex person simply because she finds the experience joyful.
  5. Three women who I am in the process of conversing with have already answered my ad...
  6. And lastly, Jen, sweetheart, even though I'm sure your very deluded heart is somewhat in the right place, I know of at least--at least--a hundred other people praying about my gayness, same as you are now doing. And didn't your Jesus say that "where two or three are gathered in His name" that "your prayer would be answered"? Honey, if it ain't answered by now the way you like, it ain't gonna be...
What is it about a person that allows them to grow to accept the surrogate parenthood of the church? Genetic predisposition? The environment they were raised in? As an individual, a person with life, I feel that to accept to idea of self-hatred, self-loathing, and servitude to an unseen being, as it were, would be to deny, even abhor, the life we have. Life is, indeed, a gift. So why would one choose to deny any of its experiences? Now, don't get me wrong here. I do NOT advocate drug use, bodily whoring, or any other activity the clearly would not only shorten your life, but could make you very ill in the process... but this clearly popular sense of subjecting oneself to despising one's right to enjoy life?

If you could have interviewed slaves back in the day, I'm sure a great deal of them would have said they were quite happy with their lots in life. Quite content to serve the white master, to bring him his food, to be beaten on a whim, and such. Some people feel (and I shudder at this thought) pride in being humiliated as a person. And I suppose that some of the slaves would have been quite happy to have never attained their freedom for the comfort and security of their surrogate "parents," or masters.

I'm sorry, but life ain't always fair. Everyone knows that, whether they like to admit it or not. Life isn't always easy. But I would rather have a difficult, hard-to-attain sense of freedom and life than to give up any parts of my life on the whims of desert wanderers, let alone a bunch of pompous asses in suits telling you you aren't worthy. If, indeed, there is a god, I am of the mind that he wouldn't want us to forgo anything in this life. I could be wrong, but I'm willing to take that shot. It's just a shame that so many like Jen are happy with their slavery, claiming "freedom in Christ."

I'll leave you all with this thought:

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
--Epicurus 341-270 B.C., ancient Greek philosopher

Not that I'm saying all answers can be found with Epicurus... but it is worth thinking about, isn't it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I just want to apologize for the ignorance of others. As a surrogate and egg donor for several gay families, I find it humiliating that other people judge and hurt others when most surrogates find themselves to be giving and caring women.

Best of luck on your journey. The right one will come into your life.