Friday, January 25, 2008

Untitled

You know how you have so much on your mind, but your fingers can't keep up with your thoughts and it seems pointless especially when you just...

AAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

As of right now, I'm off-duty in the "Help me with my problem" department.

Well, at least for the rest of today...

What was that magic soap of the '80s? Calgon?

Advertisers should just stop marketing this crap if it doesn't work...

Monday, January 21, 2008

The End of the Internet...

I've only met them a handful of times. In fact, it may even be a stretch to say that much, although I am pretty sure it's about five...

I have four cousins on the Hughes side, and I don't know them at all. I do remember at one family get-together down in Kentucky, when the all us boy cousins went riding on our bikes and discussed the "haunted house" in the field across the street. There was one other time that we--that is myself, my older brother Tom, our cousin Matt, and one of the missing Butterfields, recorded ourselves singing Lee Greenwood's "And I'm Proud to be an American." (Screechy, as you can imagine... We were like eight or nine--what did you want, Charlotte Church?)

Having the entire Internet at my disposal, I have attempted for almost a week now to find out something--anything--about where the Butterfields might be, but all to no avail. It seems even the World Wide Web isn't as universally world-wide as the name implies. I did manage to find their mother's and step-father's address and phone number within five minutes, thanks to Google, but there's history there--not involving me, thank goodness--perhaps I was too young to be involved, and I'm not about to start now!

So I ask: Joshua, Rebecca, June, and Jacob--where the heck are you guys?! It's like you have all fallen off the face of the earth, not leaving so much as a byte behind!

Of course, I can imagine horrible scenarios: Uncle Joe is a child molester, and Aunt Sharon killed them to protect her new husband (well, not so new anymore, I suppose--I only met the guy once, though--easily more than ten years ago, so he's still new to me...) from being arrested in the ensuing investigations. Or, Uncle Tom, their father, didn't want them living with the new Joe, and a violent suicide-murder pact took place to protect them from evil Joe and Sharon... Who the hell knows? Perhaps the four Butterfields simply aren't Net savvy? I would make a bust about growing up in the South, but it would seem very anti-productive at this point...

Perhaps I could get Dateline to start a new series: To Find a Butterfield. Or we could make a horror movie simply named Butterfield, in which a Butter monster takes it's revenge on the I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Godzilla Cloverfield monster...

Don't ask me why I suddenly had a desire to find them: I've no clue. Perhaps it's the bitter cold temps that make me cabin-feverish--a reconnect with less-well-known cousins could make the dead of winter seem to go by a bit faster--who's to say? But it does seem odd that not one shred of Butterfieldiness (that I know I'm related to) can be found...

Perhaps I've found the end of the Internet?

Ironic, that--the Internet ends in a Butterfield... Somehow, it lacks the fuzzy-warmness the name implies... There should at least be a pot of gold...

But then again--Cloverfield wasn't exactly about leprechauns and rainbows, was it?

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Hucka-bum Wants a Theocracy...

Really--is anyone surprised? Here are just a few of the--shall we call them "Christian Warrior Strategies"?--I know, "divinely inspired" changes Huckabee would like to see in the United States:

Huckabee says an amendment banning abortion and another banning same-sex marriage "are the two areas I'm talking about. I'm not suggesting that we rewrite the Constitution to reflect tithing or Sunday school attendance."
Oh, okay--but why stop there? I mean, what's next? An anti-divorce amendment? An anti-gambling, anti-drinking, anti-Muslim amendment? Where does it stop? When does "amend[ing] the Constitution so it's in God's standards" become "close enough"? What brand of Christianity should we use? And, if the lie perpetuated by the right-wing is true--that the Founding Fathers were supposedly "pro-God" and "anti-secularism" and wanted to have a Christian Theocracy here in America--why isn't the Constitution already "in line with Biblical standards"? Maybe because none of these things are true?! And, of course, if Huckabee is so sure he speaks for MOST Americans, and that our Constitution somehow needs amended to reflect "most American Christians" values, he should have no problem with Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Ron Paul, or Barak Obama amending the Constitution similarly, right? I mean, they're all Christians, and in Hucka-Lala Land, all Christians in America want abortion illegal and those icky gays to just stop falling in love, am I right?

Of course, Hucka-bum doesn't stop there:

"I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again. I think the radical position is to make a change in what’s been historic."
Fundie say what?! Where does this silly false logic come form! I know it isn't in their bible, but it must be a side effect of "spirit movement." I know we've covered this false "slippery slope" crap before, so you can just read this and save me the trouble repeating myself...

Of course, if rewriting the foundation of our country in the name of "moral obligation" wasn't enough ("Save the Fetus's! Save Our Marriage's!!")--and please note, he thinks it is okay to tell people whom to love and whom to have kids or not--he thinks it is NOT okay in--well, here. I'll let him explain it:

"South Carolina people know true conservatism when they see it. You don't like people outside the state telling you how you ought to raise your kids. You don't like people from outside the state telling you what to do with the [Confederate] flag. In fact, if somebody came down to Arkansas and told us what to do with our flag, we'd tell 'em where to put the pole."
Ahh... Sounds like something Jesus would have said, doesn't it?
"I'll tell you where to put that cross, Pontius Pilate!!"

So what have we learned here today?
  1. It's okay to demand unwanted children from women
  2. It's okay to dictate human love between genders of consenting adults
  3. It's NOT okay to tell people which flag to fly
In which case, I'll be flying a flag that says "Go to Hell Huckabee!"

After all, I can always tell him where to shove the pole if he doesn't like it... But then again, that maybe be too reminiscent of a homosexual act, wouldn't it?

Well, maybe it isn't so gay when a Christian does it... We'll just ask Ted Haggardy... Or Senator Craig... They could always give advice to Huckabee on how to shove the pole in a compassionate, conservative, Christian way, couldn't they?
Sources: Here, here, here, and here.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Russian Glare...

Yesterday, driving home from work in a 1/4" of snow, the radio announcer said, "There are so many accidents to report, it would take too long to read them all. Just remember, go slow, give yourself extra time, the roads are bad!" as he slipped us in to the nth repeat of a song by Finger Eleven.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a 1/4" of snow, and the idiots hit the roads in record numbers, causing my 40 minute commute home to be almost 2 hours... What never ceases to amaze me is how many SUV's and large pickup trucks I see stranded on the sides of Routes 309 and 100 while my rear-wheel drive Mustang cruises on by with nary a wiggle in its fanny...

Morons.

Today, however, almost all the snow had melted (as there was SO MUCH of it to melt!) and the radio announcer said, "No accidents or delays to report just the normal slow spots with the Russian Glare," as we swung into the nth repeat of a song by Beyonce...

Huh?! I immediately pictured a 20-foot-tall Stalin hanging out alongside all the various highways and byways, strong disapproval at the American consumerism he saw rampant around him; Going Godzilla on people's asses as they tried to end Friday on a high note at a local pub, meal with their family, what-have-you; Shouting "Down with Capitalism and Democracy!" in his fur-lined winter hat! I imagined the footage on the 6 o'clock news, the YouTube videos, the sob stories of lost loved one's when Stalin stepped on their car/ate the dog/flossed with their clothesline!

Then I realized: Rush and glare. Rush [hour] and [sun] glare. Not "Russian Glare." "Rush and glare."

Enunciation is key, I suppose. I placed my sun glasses on as I crested the mountain on the way home, at least glad that it was sunlight (not snow) and SUV's (not Russian dictators) I was contending with this Friday evening...

After all, who needs that after a week of work?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Two Weeks and Counting...

Two weeks seems to be the going theme 'round these parts. For two weeks now, we've had an addition to the family (supposedly temporary)... Her given name was Mary. I could go into the ironies of having a female yellow lab named after the mother of a pretty popular man-god hybrid (should I ask her for her paw-tograph?), but we've given to calling her Large Marge. In another strange twist of fate, this was also the nickname of our junior high bus driver...

Two weeks is also the amount of time it takes for a test to come back on whether Monsters have indeed invaded a human body! You'd think with all the hype around "We have the best health care system!" and "We spend tons more money on health care!" there would be a little machine you would just hook up to and --Badda-bing badda boom!--you know if you have a Monster or not. But there are more important things, you know, than making sure people don't die needlessly: There's the whole "gay marriage" issue, the "Save the fetal tissue!" movement, not to mention the "The bible is a science book!" mania. One wonders about the amount of good that could happen if these people actually tried to use this passion for things like feeding the orphans, the widows, the needy and poor as opposed to just crying about how against things all the time--you know, things their man-god hybrid seemed so all-about back in the day...

Two weeks is also the amount of time it takes from the time your company decides to stop its 401(k) program until you get your check...

Two weeks...

Time is a funny thing, isn't it? It could be an illusion, sure, but my nifty digital alarm clock surely doesn't think so, and my boss would be quite upset if that was a reason I was late, wouldn't he? Never mind the loss of my 401(k), something about arriving late and trying "Time is an illusion, sir" doesn't seem feasible. I'd be out a lot more money than a few months of 4% deferment, I can guarantee that!

Regardless, time also allows us to take a step back, breathe a little breath, and look for the silver lining (does anyone else wonder why it isn't a "gold lining"?). Things seem a bit better after a few days, and hope is allowed once again to enter through the mind's eye. It could be because two dogs are more fun than one... It could be because a doctor doesn't seem as worried as you think he would be given other circumstances. It could be--just maybe--that life must go on. Time must go on. The bill collectors don't stop calling just because you're worried about tomorrow, let alone two weeks from now. Large Marge and Hawthorne still need fed, still need to go outside, still need to be shown that they, too, are an important part of life.

Sure, bad things could still happen. In two weeks, this blog may have a completely different tone, depending on what is found out about the Monster. In two weeks, the world could end, Bush could drop a nuke on Iran, or poodles could take over the world... Who's to say?

I'll let you know in two weeks...

(Not to worry--I'm sure I'll have much more to say until then...)

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Monster Hiding Under the Bed...

I pondered not posting this. I know the person who has the Monster is probably ten times more anxious than I can even fathom. But feelings aren't for hiding, or keeping a secret. And worries and fears are a part of love, and sometimes things need said, even cryptically.
It's been a nerve-wracking few days and nights. The Monster is back. The one that causes the pit of your stomach to accept no sustenance, to make the minutes interminably long as you lay in bed and ponder every conceivable outcome, watching 1:00 become 1:01 become 1:02...

The worry, fret, anxiousness...

It's not even my Monster--but it is the Monster of someone I cherish, and that alone makes me wish it were mine, that they could be freed from the burden...

That back-stabbing Mistress Knowledge makes things worse, when you investigate the Monster. Suddenly you realize you haven't pondered every scenario, thought about every detail, known about every tiny intricate thing that may or may not be true...

As we stand on the precipice, trying to discern how far down Despair actually goes, you wonder: Is there a ladder anywhere? A rope? A back-hoe with enough dirt to fill it in, make it go away? How will money issues factor in?

Ahh, money. The Monster is not the consumer of it, but the Monster needs much to keep in control, or perhaps even kill it altogether...

For those who have been opposed and forestalled universal healthcare since the 90s--you are killing actual people, you know. As you sit in your homes and wonder, "Why do we need it, anyways?" I'll tell you--Monsters. That's why. Monsters that tear families apart in ways you only portray "the gays" as doing. Monsters that feed on the poor, the uninsurable, the "pre-existing conditions" that make a Monster have free reign on the human market.

I have some plans, some ideas that may or may not help. But Monday is the day when we find out if the Monster is, indeed, back. Monday is forever away--an eternity. It's almost a mockery of a weekend--brings whole new meaning to Monday Blues.

Am I being too... too flip? It's how I try to deal. When there's nothing that can be said or done, when words fail, when small acts of kindness are reduced to nothing... Flip helps, if only to stop an overwhelming sense of despair...

Dear Cherished One, you know who you are, and you are most likely reading this: Please know you are loved. In the silences on the phone, the over-chipper emails, the long, long nights when others are also staring at the stars, wondering what can be done.... You are loved. You are cared about.

And we will help you fight the Monster with whatever we have: mind, body, and soul.

I want to see you live long into your twilight years, sitting with me on the front porch of an old folk's home... Something named "Shady Pines," perhaps, or "Forever Meadows." We'll sit, and laugh, and reminisce. We'll drink lemonade, make fun of the other oldies, hit on male nurses way out of our league (not to mention our decade!), and wonder why the kids don't visit more often...

I love you. And am ready to fight for you, whatever you may need...

Monday, January 7, 2008

Creationism, Faith, Proof, and... Well, Does It Really All Mesh?

Despite tons and tons of scientific evidence, right-wing groups much like the ill-named "Family Research Council" spends much of their time and resources trying to scrape together enough "evidence" (READ: mis-read on purpose data to support preconceived silly notions) in an effort to "prove" the tales taken as history in the bible.

The latest round of "outrage" came in the form of an email entitled "Design Found, Intelligence Lacking in Latest Attack by Darwinians." Because, you know, that's what science is all about, right? Disproving a fairy tale! Despite the claims of the title of the article, they present no links OR names of the, and I quote, "peer-reviewed articles on the concept and the credentials of 700 doctoral-level scientists who have publicly questioned Darwinism." In other words, they know that if they tried to hold up any one of these "scientists" it could be blasted away by the common lay-person in a nano-second (which, of course, they would argue didn't exist as it isn't mentioned as a time period in the creation story).

The article follows here in its entirety:

The National Academy of Sciences and the Institute of Medicine have mounted yet another attack on the scientific theory of intelligent design, publishing an 89-page book titled Science, Evolution, and Creationism. The new publication falsely equates "intelligent design" (a scientific theory which infers the necessity for intelligent design from scientific evidence) with "creationism" (a term usually used for a theory of origins that begins with the Bible or some other religious text). It also lumps together concepts of microevolution within species (such as the development of antibiotic-resistant bacteria), which are not controversial, with the more contested theory of macroevolution, which seeks to trace all existing forms of life to a common ancestor. It appears to dodge altogether the crucial question of how living things could have arisen from non-living things in the first place. It also slanders intelligent design as "unscientific" despite peer-reviewed articles on the concept and the credentials of 700 doctoral-level scientists who have publicly questioned Darwinism. Perhaps the biggest problem with the defenders of Darwinian evolution is that, ironically, they have reversed the roles in the supposed historical "war between science and religion," by declaring Darwinism to be inerrant dogma, and punishing its doubters by burning them at the academic stake.
Here's a clue about why microevolution (otherwise known as "adaptation on a small-scale) is EXACTLY the same thing as macroevolution: Macroevolution is nothing more than the accumulated sum of all the microevolutionizing that the species has been going through that has resulted in a distinct, new species.

Mind-boggling, isn't it?

I suppose we need to point out the differences between the terms before we can get into any lengthy (or not-so-lengthy, as the case may be) discussion as to why they are, at heart, one and the same.

Macroevolution: is used to refer to any evolutionary change at or above the level of species. It means at least the splitting of a species into two (speciation, or cladogenesis, from the Greek meaning "the origin of a branch", see Fig. 1) or the change of a species over time into another (anagenetic speciation, not nowadays generally accepted [note 1]). Any changes that occur at higher levels, such as the evolution of new families, phyla or genera, are also therefore macroevolution, but the term is not restricted to those higher levels. It often also means long-term trends or biases in evolution of higher taxonomic levels.

Microevolution: refers to any evolutionary change below the level of species, and refers to changes in the frequency within a population or a species of its alleles (alternative genes) and their effects on the form, or phenotype, of organisms that make up that population or species. It can also apply to changes within species that are not genetic.

Source: Macroevolution: Its Definition, Philosophy and History by John Wilkins
Despite what creationists would have you believe (and yes, "Intelligent Design" is just poorly disguised creationism...), macroevolution and microevolution and quantifiable, scientific terms which actually mean something--not just general lazy terms carried on the winds of whim.

Regardless, in science, there really is no "fine line" in which microevolution suddenly becomes macroevolution in all cases: at some point, however, science recognizes that a macroevolution has occurred when a species that used to be one and the same is now not interbreeding, cannot interbreed, and show distinct signs of being different.

For example, new species of plants arose via polyploidy (when the chromosome count multiplies by two or more) (de Wet 1971). One example is Primula kewensis (a new type of primrose), which was created when Primula verticillata and Primula florbunda (each with 18 chromosomes) interpollinated. The new flower, Primula kewensis has 36 chromosomes and cannot breed with either of its parent species, but can promote itself with itself, thus fitting the definition of a new species, having also the added benefit of additional chromosomes (meaning that the argument of creationists that all changes within genetic components are bad is a false claim). The new prim rose (pictured here) not only added to its genetic code beyond what was given it by its parents, it can now NOT go back and undo this! It can't even try to tone it down by continued breeding with its parent species! It is a NEW SPECIES. It is evidence of macroevolution.

Of course, creationists think that macroevolution only applies when dogs turn into fish and orangutan's turn into people! Not only is this a false use of the term (meaning that creationists think only when huge amounts of both micro- and macroevolution have occurred has macroevolution actually occurred) it shows a basic ignorance of very basic scientific concepts. And while creationists can continue to ignore vast amounts of evidence concerning both micro- and macroevolution (see here for 29+ evidences for macro [heavy reading, but well worth it!])

But this is all just smoke and mirrors to a creationist, isn't it? Their beef isn't really with evolution. We have to be honest (even if the creationists don't): The biggest issue creationists have with evolution is the misguided notion that somehow it should speak to where life came from, when all Darwin was doing was explaining where the variety of life came from. But it is a logical question to draw from a discussion on the variety of life: where did this life come from?

Of course, creationists would have you believe god sneezed into some mud, and that miraculously it made a man. And when god realized his mistake in not doing a double-sneeze, he then had to amputate a rib from Adam (as apparently, in the beginning, there wasn't enough dust to go around to make a woman) in order to try to make his mistake at least a fun time for Adam.

Yes, god allergies are easier to believe than sound, reliable evidence and facts, isn't it?

Science has actually made some amazing headway into this question! The following are just a sample of the amazing amount of actual scientific links (READ: NOT to Answers in Genesis or any other pseudo-science site) about some of the theories and discoveries about where life might have come about: Really, this could go on forever. Is there any conclusive evidence yet? Of course not--and there may not be for some time! But I will tell you one thing conclusively--none of the evidence supports the God Allergy Hypothesis of Creationism!

As Douglas Adams once put it in his most brilliant of books, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It proves you exist, and so therefore, you don't. Q.E.D.."

"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.
You have to wonder though--these fundies that, instead of relying on faith like a child, twist and falsely present data in order to make their faith seem more "realistic"--do they actually have faith at all? Does their over-riding need to try to "prove their faith correct" actually negate the faith they are supposed to hold above all else?

My New Husband...


It's okay, Rich understands... At least, he says he does...

A bit too muscle-y? Perhaps...

We can work on that...

I just hope Reichen and Keanu understand... They were good hubby's, but sometimes a boy just needs a change for change's sake...

Oh, that's right... You can catch my new BF on American Gladiators. I remember I used to watch this show with my grandfather back in the day when the 'rents were too cheap to get cable, but the grand-rents weren't. Plus, they had air conditioning...

Ah, the good old days...

Did I just hear someone ask who Reichen is?



He was on The Amazing Race a few seasons ago... Dated Lance Bass fr a bit there? You know, before he found true love with me, of course...

He'll understand as well...

Friday, January 4, 2008

How Much Do You Trust Iowa?

The more popular Huckabum gets, the more I worry... What is it with these so-called "evangelicals" anyway? What is this overwhelming need they have for a "pastor-in-chief"?

The audacity of evangelicals to think they have an obligation to tell everyone how to live!

Not that Truth Wins Out is the most objective news source in the world (but I like to think it helps keep my in-box evenly distributed between all the other right-wing crap I get!), but I read an article from them that is very disturbing. How much truth there is in the allegations has yet to be determined, but the first article points out that:

In 1998, Mike Huckabee co-wrote the book, “Kids Who Kill” with Reconstructionist author George Grant. Grant is an ideologue with extreme, even dangerous religious views.
[...]
...prominent members of the Christian Reconstructionist movement – which believes Old Testament law should replace the Constitution and that the Bible also justifies corporal or capital punishment for adulterers and homosexuals, among others.
[...]
This passage is from Grant’s 1987 book “The Changing of the Guard” (Ft. Worth, TX: Dominion Press, 1987), pp. 50-51.
“Christians have an obligation, a mandate, a commission, a holy responsibility to reclaim the land for Jesus Christ - to have dominion in the civil structures, just as in every other aspect of life and godliness. But it is dominion that we are after. Not just a voice. It is dominion we are after. Not just influence. It is dominion we are after. Not just equal time. It is dominion we are after. World conquest. That’s what Christ has commissioned us to accomplish.”

So what? you may be thinking. So he wrote a book with a nutjob in 1998. Big whoop! Yes, that was only 10 years ago--ten SHORT years ago. And he wrote it with this nut-job well after Grant's extremist views on our land were published in 1987!

But is that it? Is this where the ties between Huckabum and Grant end? After all, a book written together does not a life-long common-goal make, right?

Then I read this article, in which it seems that on December 20th, Mr. Huckabum went to a fund-raising event hosted by these extreme Christian Reconstructionists:

Huckabee's base is reflected by sponsors of Tuesday's fundraising luncheon (requesting up to $4,600 a couple) at the Houston home of Steven Hotze, a leader in the highly conservative Christian Reconstruction movement.
So not only did he write a book with one of these reconstructionists, but he's accepting their money as well! Something tells me Huckabum isn't too afraid of standing by his base... A base, which I remind you once again, stands for:

[...] believes Old Testament law should replace the Constitution and that the Bible also justifies corporal or capital punishment for adulterers and homosexuals, among others.
Aren't you the least bit curious to find out what "among others" means? From another article:

many Reconstructionists would institute the death penalty for a number of offenses, among them striking or cursing a parent, adultery, homosexuality, "unchastity," rape of a betrothed virgin, witchcraft, "incorrigible" juvenile delinquency, blasphemy and propagation of "false" religious doctrines. Some favor stoning as the biblically preferred means of execution.
Bet some of you are now saying to yourselves, "You know, maybe that Mormon dude wasn't so bad?" Well, guess what--if he would have won, I'd've had a whole 'nother blast for him... But I suppose that one will wait until we see how he does in New Hampshire... And I'm going out on a limb here and going to project Moromney as NOT the winner... But that's just me...

You think Shrubya fucked our country over good? Wait til Huckabum gets in there--it'd be an amazing thing to see someone fuck up worse than Shrubya, but I'll tell ya--every time a fundie-elected official sets the bar even lower, the rest of them race around to see how much lower it can go--there must be some type of award show on the 700 Club the rest of us don't know about, something like Survivor and Amazing Race all rolled into one, hosted by Falwell's Ghost and Pat Robertson. I'm going to imagine the object of the game is to see who can ruin our democracy and society more, in the hopes that it will collapse, and then they can usher in their self-fulfilling prophecy of an Anti-Christ...

Don't get me wrong--the bible is nothing if not a story people put way too much stock in in life! But it is amazing how the mass delusions can make something come true, if only to screw the rest of us over out of pure spite.

Here's a prophecy for you--if, through some strange twist of fate, the Christian faith doesn't go the way of Zeus (like it should have YEARS ago!), they will destroy the world as we know it (if the extremist Muslims don't beat them to it, of course!)

Why can't religious people all just be like the Amish? Live your lives, don't worry about what everyone else is doing, and stick to what you do best--loving god, and loving your neighbor...? (you know, WITHOUT stoning them?)

Of course, I also have to wonder how many so-called evangelicals even know of Huckabum's ties to this even-more radical group? Perhaps they're all for it, but don't want to say anything yet in the hopes they won't end up going down with a sinking ship if the "reconstructionist movement" doesn't go so well? You know, tacit agreement in silence? What would really be a kicker is if most of the right-wing fundies cried out against the "reconstructionists" being too extreme! Ha!

Anyway, I've gotta go make post-Christmas cookies for the extended family get-together tomorrow....

Catch ya's later...