Monday, July 28, 2008

And the Lie of "Culture of Life" Continues its Blatant Hypocrisy...

President Bush on Monday approved the execution of an Army private, administration officials said. It was the first time in over a half-century that a president has affirmed a death sentence for a member of the U.S. military.

With his signature from the Oval Office, Bush said yes to the military's request to execute Ronald A. Gray, said the officials, who revealed his decision only on grounds of anonymity. Gray had been convicted in connection with a spree of four murders and eight rapes in the Fayetteville, N.C., area over eight months in the late 1980s while stationed at Fort Bragg.


The death penalty was outlawed between 1972 and 1984, when President Reagan reinstated it.
I'm not saying Ronald (Gray, not Reagan...) didn't do some very brutal and heinous crimes (both Gray and Reagan...)--far from it, it wouldn't be too far off the mark to call him more than a bit inhumane.

But why is it okay for a government body to justify its own murders?

Could you be the one to pull the proverbial switch? Would you be the one?

Then... what makes you any better of a human being than Mr. Ronald Gray?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Becoming a Man... Again...

There I was--feet hanging out my passenger window, head underneath the steering wheel, sweat pouring from me like god had just parted the Sweat Sea, and there's a knock on the drivers' side window.

I bang my head on the steering wheel as I try to maneuver my head around to get a view of whoever feels they need to disturb my work.

"Hey, D., what's--what's going on?" I ask as I dip my head back into the shadowy places under the dashboard.

"What're you doin' there, neighbor?"

"My key is broken in --in the ignition and-- and-- I'm trying to get the-- the-- the-- FUCK! Ouch!--get the ignition contraption out so I can get to the Umph! get to the broken half of my key removed..."

"Is that technical talk for you broke your key and can't get it out?" He laughs. "How long you been at that?"

"Oh, I dunno... Half hour?"

He laughs again. "I'll be right back--I got the tools to do that."

"Oh, that's be--Ow!--that'd be great. Thanks!"

I have full faith in D. He works at Mac Trucks, after all. He stares at vehicle parts all the live long day, as does his wife. If anyone can make short work of this, it'd be D or my younger brother Mike...

All too soon, D is back with his tools and step-son. Step-son talks to me about inane teenage type stuff while D's head disappears underneath my dash. Pretty soon another neighbor wanders over. "What's going on?"

"He broke his key in his car and can't get it out!" Step-son practically shouts. I simply nod in agreement that I, the fuck-witted moron, have broken my key in the ignition. I take another drag as Stepson goes on about different keys, locks, and broken scenarios. Pretty soon neighbor number two also has his head hanging inside the interior of my car as he and D assess the situation. After another half hour goes by, with D and neighbor 2 changing positions frequently, me interjecting at certain pauses that they don't need to go on and I appreciate the offer, they finally, sweat-drenched, emerge from Betsy's interior.

"Sorry, Jason, but there's nothing we can do. You might want to call a garage."

"Well... okay, thanks guys, I appreciate it." As I watch the threesome walk away from Betsy, I place my hand on her hot exterior. I don't have a couple hundred sitting around to treat her. I feel like I've just been told she needs chemo, or another expensive treatment which I can't afford. Like she should just be put down, like an old dog who can no longer climb the stairs.

"Fuck that!" I shout, and dive back into Betsy's internal... stuff. I was here to save Betsy.

To make a long story short, I managed to do what a bunch of straight guys who know their cars couldn't--I not only removed the entire dashboard, steering column, ignition mechanism, and removed the broken key, I put it all back together again exactly the way it was when it rolled from the factory onto the showroom floor. When I was finished two hours later, I emerged from Betsy and shouted, "Fuck Yeah!! Argh!!"

Rich and Ann (my sis-in-law) showered me with much praise while D said with some surprise from across the yard, "You got it? Wow!"

Wow frickin' right, wow! I'm the dude who knows how to put gas in the car, check the oil, and turn on the headlights...

Now I'm like an auto mechanic or something... And I thought I was a man before!

Perhaps I'll open that garage I've just now realized I've always dreamed about, eh? No? Really?

Monday, July 21, 2008

What if God Was One of Us...?

I actually forgot how sexy god was, to tell you the honest truth. Since Joan of Arcadia went off the air eons ago, Rich has been belly-aching and belly-aching about this tragic loss in his life... So, being the loving, caring, wanting-to-not-listen-to-the-whining-anymore husband that I am, I bought him Season 1 for our 9-year anniversary...

Thus, I refound sexy god... I'd sleep with him in a heartbeat... If I weren't already taken... Or a Mormon... Hmm....

Of course, a lot of fundies love to think that if god were one of us, he'd be going to church very Sunday, munching on wafers and drinking wine, and whipping out a "Bless you!" to every Tom and Hairy Dick that walked by, preaching the virtues of preventing gay marriage and keeping women from controlling their reproductive lives...

You really think an all-powerful deity would care? Do you really?

As Gandhi once said, "I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

I've been trying to avoid certain subjects lately ("No, we all love your gardening stories, Jason--really!") while waiting for something I think I'm not supposed to know about to resolve itself... It's been going on for--what, three, four weeks?--but things are stalled, at an impasse, as it were.

I'm trying to be nice. It's hard these days, though, let me tell you. Since I no longer fear confrontation like I used to (and don't ask me why--I have no idea...), it is now an effort work to keep from confronting people on issues of great consequence...

Sigh. The ironies of life, eh?

At least god became sexy... Albeit briefly, and, as ever, fictionally...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

How Does Your Garden Grow?

So it's been a rousing success, as the pictures can attest. Every ear of corn is developing silks (which means we'll be eating corn), the tomatoes are perfection (all three varieties), the peppers spicier than your average Latin lover, and the green beans? To die for!

On the whole, we've learned a lot this year, our cherry-popping virgin year of all-out vegetable growth. Never count your spinach before it's outside: One of the biggest disasters this year, as they all popped up on the dishwasher, but once they met the great outdoors? Not so much. Popeye would be disappointed. Apparently you need very sandy soil to grow spinach successfully (lesson number 1 for spinach), and even then it can be very finicky about soil moisture content (lesson number 2...)

Also, cucumbers suck. Or, at least, in my soil they do. I even bought the "Straight 8" variety, meant to withstand elephant stampedes and polar bear excursions. But where elephants and polar bears fear to tread, clay soil was the enemy it could not beat. I'll try again next year--after all, this fall I'll be getting bucket loads of cow poop from a local farmer who apparently is wallowing in the stuff in order to boost the "nitrogen content" of my soil (can't wait for fall! Who wants to help shovel some shit around?), and from what I hear, nothing beats cow shit when it comes to growing vegetables. Go circle of life!

Corn, however, I found almost too easy. I heard plenty of horror stories on the net about growing your own corn and I was wary, to say the least, about going this route in the vegetable world... ? Seems I should have worried more about the greens and less about the yellow... Who knew?

Massachusetts Rocks!

In less than 15 minutes on a voice vote, the Senate agreed to repeal a 1913 law that prohibits gay couples from out-of-state marrying in Massachusetts.

"This eliminates the last (piece) of state discrimination in our marriage laws," said Marc Solomon, of Mass Equality.
Perhaps we won't need to go to California after all, eh? Rest of story here.

Monday, July 14, 2008

"What You Need is a Good Haunting!"

So says my mother at least once a month, usually as an inevitable observation ending a disagreement over god the father, Jesus the son, or Holy Casper the ne'er-do-well. As if the appearance of Scrooge were in any way proof of a god who's supposed to send people to the penthouse or the oven upon completion of this earthly domain...

On a recent excursion up to the Pocono-laden sanctuary of all who hold Jesus so dear, we had a lovely dinner (as the 10 hours of heartburn afterward can attest) and then proceeded to get down to the general catching-up of our weekends (they with my run-away dog, me with a trip to Maryland), and Sylvia, the red-headed goddess of all that is massage (and one of two blood-sisters) screamed, "Wait! Mom! You have to see this picture I took! There's a ghost!"

No, seriously...

So Sylvia whips out the tried-and-true ghost-busting device that Peter Venkman used to find Slimer and proceeded to declare to all the world that this undeniable proof was all she needed to believe! (Okay, maybe not in so many words, but about that passionately!). Mom is ever ready to believe, of course, and says "Oh! Let me see!"

Enter a five-minute dissection of the photo as to where the ghost actually resided...

No, seriously...

The picture in question which holds the unadulterated proof is here:

Well, you know how these cell pics are... You can only get so big a photo, you know? Luckily, ghosts know no such pixel restraint...

What? You don't see the ghost? Here, let me up the resolution... Change the color spectrum.... counter-point the surrealism of the underlying metaphor...

And tada!:

In all honesty, I didn't see him either until I added some of the ingenious tools employed by the Area 51 employees (I have a man on the inside), but some people just have that "second sight," you know? It's amazing his uncanny resemblance to Rock Hudson, don’t ya think?

Now that would be a good haunting...

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Let Me Count the Ways...

I do apologize for the long silence, dear reader. You see, my life has been one hectic, overblown sense of haplessness and exhaustion over the holiday weekend and the gumption to write just hasn't been there. Call it a slump, call it a sense of euniu, but don't call me late for dinner, okay?

It's a bit more complicated than that--you see, first there was the complete and utter meltdown of my motherboard (and no, that is not a reference to my mother's surfing days, long since gone...), followed by the scheduled-out-the-ass picnic, which in turn led to the "Is this your dog out in the middle of the highway?" conversation at one in the morning on Saturday (which, for the record, it wasn't, and thus we had a second dog for two days whilst trying to locate it's owner), the baby sitting responsibilities of four ferrets while certan family members go on vacation (well-deserved on their part), outlets in the basement trying to put on a fireworks show of their own (thanks again for fixing that, Dad!), and honorable mention must go to my boss who continues to assume I'm an idiot even after 7 years of service making green things...

Starting at about 9:00 pm EST on Thursday, July 3, 2008, just now ending on Tuesday, July 8, 2008, with me playing with my first ever brand-new computer, plugged into outlets that are no longer feeling patriotic with fireworks displays, while Hawthorne enjoys watching the four ferrets play in their playpen and Fred (the other dog) is back with his wonderful owners (aged 600 and 660, fresh off babysitting Jesus while god went and smote some poor soul for wearing plaid today...)...

I'd like to say "It's been fun!" but Momma always said not to say anything if you couldn't say something nice (although a quick drive around the water cooler leaves me wondering how many orphans there really are in the world as their mother's didn't seem to teach them a damn thing), the one silver lining I can point to is that I finally have a computer which will run SimCity 4... (yes, yes, I'll put my supernerd costume back on...)

There's much more to say, of course, but that falls under Momma's wisdom, so until situations resolve themselves, I'm taking the high road and ignoring the holier-than-thou riffraff in the hopes that all things will come to a happy resolution... If not, well then there will be hell to pay (and it should go without saying, that's in the most metaphorical sense as we all know there is no such place...)

I promise something of substance soon (for SimCity 4 love can only last so long) but hope that you'll bear with me as I learn how to operate a computer that doesn't have any technical difficulties! It's amazing how many technological things have changed since Windows 98!