God's Total Quality Management Questionnaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How Did You Find Out About Your Deity?
   1. __ Newspaper
   2. __ Bible
   3. __ Torah
   4. __ Book of Mormon
   5. __ Divine Inspiration
   6. __ Dead Sea Scrolls
   7. __ Television
   8. __ Tabloid
   9. __ My Mama Told Me
   10. __ Burning Shrubbery
   11. __ Near Life Experience
   12. __ Near Death Experience
   13. __ National Public Radio
   14. __ Other (please specify):
       _____________________________
       _____________________________
   
   
   
2. Which Model Deity Did You Acquire?
   1. __ Yahweh
   2. __ Jehovah
   3. __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
   4. __ Krishna
   5. __ Allah
   6. __ Zeus & entourage (Olympus Pak)
   7. __ Satan
   8. __ Gaia/Earth Mother
   9. __ Odin & entourage (Valhalla Pak)
   10. __ Jesus
   11. __ Mithra
   12. __ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer)
   13. __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
   
   
   
3. Did Your God Come To You Undamaged, With All Parts In Good Working Order and With No Obvious Breakage or Missing Attributes?
   
   1. __ Yes
   2. __ No
   3. IF NO, please indicate the problems you initially encountered here. Check all that apply:
      __ Not eternal
      __ Finite/Does not occupy the entire cosmos
      __ Not omniscient
      __ Not omnipotent
      __ Not infinitely plastic (incapable of being all things to all creations)
      __ Permits sex outside of marriage
      __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
      __ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, et al)
      __ Permits bad things to happen to good people
      __ Looks after life other than that on Earth (particularly that galaxy in Virgo full of Jews)
      __ When beseeched, doesn't stay besecheed
      __ Requires one or more of the following:
      1. __ burnt offerings
      2. __ virgin(s)
      3. __ sacrifices
      4. __ foreskins
   
   
   
4. What Factors Were Relevant In Your Decision to Acquire a Deity? Please check all that apply.
   1. __ Indoctrinated by parents
   2. __ Needed a reason to live
   3. __ Indoctrinated by society
   4. __ Needed focus in whom to despise
   5. __ Imaginary friend grew up
   6. __ Wanted to know Jesus in the Biblical sense
   7. __ Hate to think for myself
   8. __ Wanted to meet girls/boys
   9. __ Fear of death
   10. __ Wanted to piss off parents
   11. __ Fear of life
   12. __ Needed a day away from work
   13. __ Desperate need for certainty
   14. __ Like organ music
   15. __ Need to feel Morally Superior
   16. __ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
   17. __ Shit was falling out of the sky
   18. __ My shrubbery told me to do it
   19. __ Other: ___________
   
   
   
5. Are You Currently Using Medication?
   1. __ Yes
   2. __ No
   
   
   
6. Have You Ever Worshipped a Deity Before? If so, please check false god(s) you were fooled by.
   1. __ Mick Jagger
   2. __ Cthulhu
   3. __ The Almighty Dollar
   4. __ Bill Gates
   5. __ Left Wing Liberalism
   6. __ The Radical Right
   7. __ The Sun
   8. __ Baal
   9. __ Ra
   10. __ The Moon
   11. __ Beelzebub
   12. __ The Designated Hitter Rule
   13. __ The Great Spirit
   14. __ The Great Pumpkin
   15. __ Cindy Crawford
   16. __ A burning shrubbery
   17. __ Elvis
   18. __ Dennis Rodman
   19. __ Tinky Winky
   20. __ Other: _________________
   
   
   
7. Are You Currently Using Any Other Source of Inspiration Besides God? Check all that apply.
   1. __ Tarot
   2. __ Astrology
   3. __ Lottery
   4. __ Television
   5. __ Fortune cookies
   6. __ Ann Landers
   7. __ Dianetics
   8. __ Palmistry
   9. __ Psychic Friends Network
   10. __ Self-help books
   11. __ Biorhythms
   12. __ Masturbation
   13. __ Alcohol
   14. __ Bill Clinton
   15. __ Hollywood
   16. __ Tea Leaves
   17. __ EST
   18. __ CompuServe
   19. __ Mantras
   20. __ Jimmy Swaggert
   21. __ Crystals
   22. __ Human Sacrifice
   23. __ Pyramids
   24. __ Wandering around the desert
   25. __ Insurance policies
   26. __ Burning shrubbery
   27. __ Tinky Winky
   28. __ Barney Fife
   29. __ Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll
   30. __ Miss Cleo
   31. __ Other: _________________
   
   
   
8. God Employs a Limited Degree of Divine Intervention to Preserve a Balanced Level of Felt Presence and Blind Faith. Your Preference Is? Check all that apply.
   1. __ More Divine Intervention
   2. __ Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
   3. __ Less Divine Intervention
   4. __ Don't know... what's Divine Intervention?
   
   
   
9. God Also Attempts to Maintain a Balanced Level of Disasters and Miracles...
   Please rate on a scale of 1-5 his handling of the following (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent).
   1. DISASTERS:
      ___ Flood
      ___ Famine
      ___ Earthquakes
      ___ War
      ___ Pestilence
      ___ Plague
      ___ SPAM
      ___ AOL
      ___ Plague
   2. MIRACLES:
      ___ Rescues
      ___ Spontaneous remissions
      ___ Crying statues
      ___ Stars hovering over jerkwater towns
      ___ Water changing to wine
      ___ Water changing to ice
      ___ Walking on water
      ___ DVD players that set their own clocks
      ___ Saddam Hussein still alive
      ___ Getting any sex whatsoever
   
   
   
10. Do You Have Any Additional Comments or Suggestions For Improving The Quality of God's Services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)
    ____________________________________
    ____________________________________
    ____________________________________

If you are able to complete the questionnaire and return it to one of our conveniently located drop-off boxes at least 30 days before the Rapture, you will be entered in the One Free Miracle of Your Choice drawing (chances of winning are approximately one in 6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power, depending on number of beings entered).

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Adapted from "God Wants to Know," © 1993 B.C. Brown

It's Quiz Time!

Congratulations, Jason!
Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.


Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

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To find out what your IQ is, click here.

A Quiz on Religious Philosophy

You are Agnostic

You're not sure if God exists, and you don't care. For you, there's no true way to figure out the divine. You rather focus on what you can control--your own life. And you tend to resent when others "sell" religion to you.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Gunshot, huh? Go figure...

You scored as Gunshot. Your death will be by gunshot, probably because you are some important person or whatever. Possibly a sniper, nice, quick, clean shot to the head. Just beautiful. Suffocated 80% Gunshot 80% Natural Causes 73% Disappear 73% Drowning 67% Stabbed 60% Suicide 47% Bomb 47% Posion 47% Eaten 47% Disease 33% Accident 27% Cut Throat 13% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

SIDE NOTE:
Is it just me? Or did my pretty, pretty blog go all bonkers and look all fucked up now? I can't figure out what happened, as it looked this way at work right after lunch, and now I'm at home and still looks screwed up... Trust me, if it looks the same to you, you aren't seeing what I'm seeing...

Sigh.

Hopefully blogger will fix this mess they've made of my world...

Look! Someone Out There Says I Can Play a Sport!!!

I don't know about you, but I've never cared for sports, but I've also never been really good at them either, so they both kind of keep me from actually enjoying even watching sports, let alone participating... But apparently someone out there thinks I have a 50/50 shot at being a football player...

Hehehe, I'll be towel boy! :D

You scored as Football. You should play football- its the most popular high school and college sport, and creates a ton of school spirit. Football 50% Soccer 33% Basketball 33% Golf 8% Baseball 0% Volleyball 0% Softball 0% Field hockey 0% Track 0% Swimming 0% Lacrosse 0% Ice Hockey 0% Tennis 0% What sport are you meant for?? created with QuizFarm.com

This Ain't No Theological Quiz...

Although it would be fun if Tom were to take this one! :D

You scored as Out and Proud Queer. You're the Out and Proud Queer. Everyone knows you're gay, and if they don't, they soon will! Just watch out for those rural parts of America, where Rainbows are something shot at with shotguns by rednecks! Out and Proud Queer 80% Politiqueer 60% Drag Queen 30% Slut 20% Twink 20% Circuit Boy 20% Drama Queen 20% Str8 boi 20% Gym Bunny 10% Abercromibe Boi 10% Mess 0% Attitude Queen 0% What gay personality are you? created with QuizFarm.com

The Ramifications of Online Quizzes: Harmless Fun or Spiritual Indicator?

Tom worries too much. I suppose that's what older brothers are supposed to do.

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He just wrote a coherent post (seriously, folks, it's not nearly as rambly and unedited as his usual comments here usually are--it's more along the lines of his good writing as opposed to his free-association type posts...), but I'd like to touch on a few of his comments, as we Hughes' brothers are prone to do with each other's thoughts. It's part of what makes being a Hughes so great, if I do say so myself...

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I, of course, feel the need to rectify something about the Theological Quiz I took a few days back. I took the quiz not only because it would be interesting to see what I would rate, but because I'm a sucker for the things--hell, quiz me to see the likelihood of the hair-balletic predisposition in the genetic RNA strands of my body, I don't care! I'll take the quiz! (By the way, if anyone knows where that quiz could be located...) I actually was disappointed because, with some of the questions, there wasn't a "I disagree with the entire question as valid" box. Granted, there weren't many like that, but I feel it should have been an option. Of course, as any good fundie would say, "Rejecting spirituality is never an option," but I'll leave the fundies alone for the moment. Trying to be nice and all.

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It is true I read a lot of things that I am predisposed to agree with. Who doesn't? But I've actually written up quite a long list of books that I would like to acquire (another reason you find me digging through the book boxes at yard sales), and I hope Tom will be happy to hear, Spong is included among them (but of course, so is Stephen Hawking, but I'm pretty sure they won't be conflicting reads!). Barclay and Borg are also represented, but Tom, you are always more than welcome to drop off some things you'd like me to read whenever you drop off the nephews (although I doubt I'll be reading them while the neph's are present! :D). We'll see if Christmas this year holds any Borders or Barnes & Noble gift certificates, although I'm sure Tom will appreciate the fact that we never receive them.

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I'm not exactly sure the history of atheism, as it were, but David Hume is also on my list of books to buy and/or read. Atheism certainly enjoys more social status than it used to thanks to developments in science and non-spiritual philosophies, although there is a persistent stigma of evil that is associated with the label. People, even non-fundies, often associate "evil" and "bad" with a person who even remotely expresses a thought or idea presenting atheism as a practice or belief system (for although atheism professes a non-belief in a deity, it is still a belief system, but we can go into that another time). In a totally ironic note, Christians themselves were considered to be "atheists" by the Romans for expressing non-belief in their gods of the day, so I guess the irony lies in the full circle of things that have come and gone!

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I don't know if anyone but another person who has struggled with homosexuality can appreciate that piece of your soul that dies growing up the way we did. I'm sure there are plenty of other "sins" or "challenges" that young Christians (and older ones!) deal with, each with its own set of desperate prayers and clinging's to faith... but I don't feel I'd be able to justify the pain on this public forum, although the draft sits there constantly being edited and changed... Perhaps in the future...

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And dude, I would never have called you a "shitty" older brother... just a disconnected one... :D I, on the other hand, prefer written dialogue as my thoughts are easier to sort through and study and think about. I have never been a very good debater, let alone a person who openly encourages confrontation (you should know that!), but I also feel written debate and discussion allows for more thought, more conscientious and critical explanation which, in turn, allows for less miscommunication--although it also presents the problem of conveying emotion (i.e., someone who is in a bad mood may read something totally innocent as an attack)--but I think my use of smiley faces [:D] and sarcasm is quite clear, although I could be wrong...

Theological Quiz...

You scored as Modern Liberal. You are a Modern Liberal. Science and historical study have shown so much of the Bible to be unreliable and that conservative faith has made Jesus out to be a much bigger deal than he actually was. Discipleship involves continuing to preach and practice Jesus' measure of love and acceptance, and dogma is not important in today's world. You are influenced by thinkers like Bultmann and Bishop Spong. Modern Liberal 68% Emergent/Postmodern 54% Classical Liberal 50% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 25% Neo orthodox 14% Charismatic/Pentecostal 14% Roman Catholic 4% Reformed Evangelical 0% Fundamentalist 0% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Thanks to Bill Arends at Art of the Rant for feeding my addiction to online quizzes... :D

Another Interestingly Pointless Quiz... I May Have an Addiction...

You scored as Tolkien. You are the most credited author of mankind! Mr. JRR Tolkien. Creator of Middle-Earth and renowned poet. You enjoy smoking weed. Tolkien 70% Jacques 65% Homer 60% LaVey 60% Aesop 55% Vergil 50% Dumas 50% Dickens 45% Twain 45% Dante 40% Milton 35% Who's your classic author? created with QuizFarm.com

For the record, I have never smoked weed, so I wouldn't know if I would enjoy it or not... Oh well.

And Just For Shits and Giggles...

I took another quiz... Isn't life grand?

Which Animaniacs Character are You?

You have megalomaniacal impulses regularly. That's not necessarily a bad thing, however, as you have the cranial capacity of a small planet. Trying to take over the world is hard work, though, and you're not above exploiting your lessers. Even now, you have a plan that's being enacted which will pitch the world's economy into turmoil, leaving the floodgates of trade exposed for the sole owner of stock in the Pets.com � company! You are en route to taking over the world!

Oh, and you ARE pondering what I'm pondering.

Click here to see my Livejournal.

And another ...

The Expatriate Achtung! You are 38% brainwashworthy, 27% antitolerant, and 28% blindly patriotic

Congratulations! You are not susceptible to brainwashing, your values and cares extend beyond the borders of your own country, and your Blind Patriotism does not reach unhealthy levels. If you had been German in the 30s, you would've left the country. One bad scenario -- as I hypothetically project you back in time -- is that you just wouldn't have cared one way or the other about Nazism. Maybe politics don't interest you enough. But the fact that you took this test means they probably do. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. Did you know that many of the smartest Germans departed prior to the beginning of World War II, because they knew some evil shit was brewing? Brain Drain. Many of them were scientists. It is very possible you could have been one of them. Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would not have been a Nazi. The Would You Have Been A Nazi? Test - it rules -

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 53% on brainwashworthy You scored higher than 41% on antitolerant You scored higher than 32% on patriotic

Link: The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Not Sure How I Feel About This...

I mean, you all can obviously tell I like taking multiple-choice online quiz's for no apparent reason...

the Cutting Edge (61% dark, 46% spontaneous, 31% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 74% on darkness You scored higher than 52% on spontaneity You scored higher than 34% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Who Knew?

Thanks for taking Beliefnet's Belief-O-Matic quiz.
Your results are below.

Remember: The top score on the list below represents the faith that
Belief-O-Matic, in its less than infinite wisdom, thinks most closely matches
your beliefs. However, even a score of 100% does not mean that your views
are all shared by this faith, or vice versa.

Belief-O-Matic then lists another 26 faiths in the order of how much they
have in common with your professed beliefs. The higher a faith appears on
this list, the more closely it aligns with your thinking.

Rankings:

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (87%)
3. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (77%)
4. Secular Humanism (76%)
5. Neo-Pagan (75%)
6. Reform Judaism (72%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (66%)
8. New Thought (62%)
9. New Age (61%)
10. Mahayana Buddhism (61%)
11. Sikhism (59%)
12. Scientology (57%)
13. Hinduism (56%)
14. Nontheist (54%)
15. Taoism (52%)
16. Jainism (50%)
17. Bahá'í Faith (43%)
18. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (40%)
19. Orthodox Quaker (40%)
20. Orthodox Judaism (36%)
21. Islam (34%)
22. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (28%)
23. Eastern Orthodox (26%)
24. Roman Catholic (26%)
25. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (25%)
26. Seventh Day Adventist (24%)
27. Jehovah's Witness (16%)

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Who knew we all had so much in common?

He's Still My Superhero...

...but he was hoping he'd be the Flash... silly Rich! :D

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern 85% Spider-Man 60% The Flash 60% Hulk 55% Robin 45% Catwoman 45% Superman 40% Wonder Woman 40% Iron Man 35% Supergirl 30% Batman 15%

Hot-headed. You have strong will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test


...and it turns out our best friend Scott is:


Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 80% Wonder Woman 77% Robin 77% Supergirl 72% Green Lantern 60% Catwoman 55% Batman 50% Iron Man 50% Spider-Man 45% The Flash 45% Hulk 40%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Really?

Your results:
You are Robin

Robin 77% Superman 75% Green Lantern 70% The Flash 65% Batman 65% Spider-Man 65% Supergirl 57% Iron Man 50% Catwoman 50% Wonder Woman 47% Hulk 40%

Young and acrobatic. You don't mind stepping aside to give someone else glory.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...
I never really liked his costume.. to many colors... I was hoping to be aquaman, but apparently that isn't an option... I always thought he was hot!

Hmmm....

You scored as Green. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'> Anarchism 83% Democrat 83% Green 83% Socialist 42% Communism 42% Fascism 17% Nazi 8% Republican 0% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

Hehehe, I'm an Idiot...

I am 18% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

Finally, a quiz that tells me I have an ego...

Took long enough...

How Weird is That?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

I Passed 8th Grade Math (Barely)... Could You?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 7/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

How Do You View the World?

Your World View

You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.

What Is Your World View?

How Evil Are You?

You Are 28% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?