| You scored as Tolkien. You are the most credited author of mankind! Mr. JRR Tolkien. Creator of Middle-Earth and renowned poet. You enjoy smoking weed.
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So now the idea is in my mind. Apparently, from her past experiences, an ad in the paper increased her sales... So I go online, place an ad in the paper to run for Friday through Sun... Then they call me to confirm the ad and arrange payment... $65 FREAKIN' DOLLARS FOR A THREE DAY, 15 WORD AD?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! So I manage to trim 15 words to 12 and cut out Friday and Sunday, so it will only run Saturday and I STILL have to pay $35 for the fuckin' ad... but I figure, it might be worth it.
Sylvia: Hey, you're still having that yard sale, right?
Me: Um, yeah, I think so... why?
Sylvia: Are you putting an ad in the paper?
Me: I wasn't planning to... we didn't last time and made out pretty well...
Sylvia: Oh, okay, well, I'll still be there...
Rich agrees. Is ecstatic, actually. He apparently missed the $25 price tag from earlier as he was making lunch for everyone.
Sylvia: I'll clean your pool for $25.
Me: Have you seen our pool? It hasn't been cleaned in two years! But sure, for $25, you can clean it.
Sylvia: Seriously? You'll let me clean your pool?
Me: Have you seen the pool? I'm getting the better deal here!
Sylvia: It's that nasty?
Me: Hey, you can go look at it, but don't say I didn't warn you...
Sylvia wanders down to the pool, and returns with a look of disgust mixed with horror.
Sylvia: $75. To clean it out.
Me: I dunno, you said $25 originally...
Sylvia: Yeah, but that's just gross!
Me: Hey, talk to Rich. It's his job to clean it out, and if he wants to pay you to do it, that's up to him...
Sylvia: Fine. $50. I'll do it for fifty.
Me: Talk to Rich. His chore. I'll still let you do it for $25 though.
Mom: Oh, that's not nice. Your pool is gross!
This, said the church, was incontrovertible proof that Galileo was a heretic...
Joshua 10:13 And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. [Is] not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.
Habakkuk 3:11 The sun [and] moon stood still in their habitation: at the light of thine arrows they went, [and] at the shining of thy glittering spear.
Cracked me the hell up!
Hey, God here. I have to say, you humans amaze me! You figure out all these cool things, how they work, how it happens... I mean, look at me. I say, Hmm, I want a blue whale, and Poof! There's a whale! But then you guys, you know, you just kind of take my whale and say, "Oh look, this is how he breathes, and this is how he swims, and this is what they do to make such-and-such happen... You make me amazed by what I do!
I will now proceed to destroy their entire fear-based argument about the "evilness" of this issue.
U.S. Senate To Vote On Homosexual Marriage June 6
The most important vote in the Senate this year! The future of our children is at stake.
Dear Jason,
On June 6, the U.S. Senate will vote on the constitutional amendment defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman.
Time is short! It is critical that you contact your senators and ask them to vote for the Marriage Protection Amendment (MPA).
Once homosexual marriage is legal, our religious liberties will be stripped away. Even pro-homosexual marriage advocates agree with that statement. To understand how this will happen, please take time read Dr. Maggie Gallagher's very detailed and accurate article by clicking here. Print it out and give a copy to your pastor!
We expect Democratic senators to vote to kill the MPA. The public is not aware that the Democratic National Committee has given thousands of dollars to homosexual groups to help promote homosexual marriage.
The groups supporting homosexual marriage have activist judges waiting to make homosexual marriage legal. It is expected that the Washington state Supreme Court will rule homosexual marriage legal as soon as the elections are over. Some feel the ruling has already been made, but they will not release it until after the November elections. They don't want to hurt the pro-homosexual liberal nominees in the elections.
Only a constitutional amendment will stop homosexual marriage from becoming the law of the land.
Take Action
It is extremely important that you email your senators today, and get as many others as possible to do the same. Please, please forward this to your family and friends!
Click here to send an email to your two senators.
If you think our efforts are worthy, would you please support us with a small gift? Thank you for caring enough to get involved.
Sincerely,
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association
P.S. Please forward this e-mail message to your family and friends!
Most fundies take this as free license to knock on your door on any given day (and from my experience, usually a Saturday morning, the day you are trying to sleep in and ignore the banging at the door!), and try to get you to come to church to learn about the love of Jesus. But what strikes me, perhaps in a quite silly way, is the word "creature." A quick look at the word "creature" in the original Greek, and the definition is, in its entirety:
Mark 16:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
Basically, anything that God has created. Hampsters, crab grass, sugar maples, duck-billed platypus's, even the person trying to sleep in on Saturday morning.
- the act of founding, establishing, building etc
- the act of creating, creation
- creation i.e. thing created
- of individual things, beings, a creature, a creation
- anything created
- after a rabbinical usage (by which a man converted from idolatry to Judaism was called)
- the sum or aggregate of things created
- institution, ordinance
Will the fundie turn to the donkey and say, "Blow it out your ass!"? Or, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."?
And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? Numbers 22:28
So here we are, in America, having one of the hugest immigration issues our history may have ever faced, but we'll be damned if we don't celebrate something with a reason to drink!!! Plus, I'm Irish, so it's not like I need a real reason, just something that sounds good... (hehehe... sounds good!)
The 5th of May is not Mexican Independence Day, but it should be! And Cinco de Mayo is not an American holiday, but it should be. Mexico declared its independence from mother Spain on midnight, the 15th of September, 1810. And it took 11 years before the first Spanish soldiers were told and forced to leave Mexico.
So, why Cinco de Mayo? And why should Americans savor this day as well? Because 4,000 Mexican soldiers smashed the French and traitor Mexican army of 8,000 at Puebla, Mexico, 100 miles east of Mexico City on the morning of May 5, 1862.
The French had landed in Mexico (along with Spanish and English troops) five months earlier on the pretext of collecting Mexican debts from the newly elected government of democratic President (and Indian) Benito Juarez. The English and Spanish quickly made deals and left. The French, however, had different ideas.
Under Emperor Napoleon III, who detested the United States, the French came to stay. They brought a Hapsburg prince with them to rule the new Mexican empire. His name was Maximilian; his wife, Carolota. Napoleon's French Army had not been defeated in 50 years, and it invaded Mexico with the finest modern equipment and with a newly reconstituted Foreign Legion. The French were not afraid of anyone, especially since the United States was embroiled in its own Civil War.
The French Army left the port of Vera Cruz to attack Mexico City to the west, as the French assumed that the Mexicans would give up should their capital fall to the enemy -- as European countries traditionally did.
Under the command of Texas-born General Zaragosa, (and the cavalry under the command of Colonel Porfirio Diaz, later to be Mexico's president and dictator), the Mexicans awaited. Brightly dressed French Dragoons led the enemy columns. The Mexican Army was less stylish.
General Zaragosa ordered Colonel Diaz to take his cavalry, the best in the world, out to the French flanks. In response, the French did a most stupid thing; they sent their cavalry off to chase Diaz and his men, who proceeded to butcher them. The remaining French infantrymen charged the Mexican defenders through sloppy mud from a thunderstorm and through hundreds of head of stampeding cattle stirred up by Indians armed only with machetes.
When the battle was over, many French were killed or wounded and their cavalry was being chased by Diaz' superb horsemen miles away. The Mexicans had won a great victory that kept Napoleon III from supplying the confederate rebels for another year, allowing the United States to build the greatest army the world had ever seen. This grand army smashed the Confederates at Gettysburg just 14 months after the battle of Puebla, essentially ending the Civil War.
Union forces were then rushed to the Texas/Mexican border under General Phil Sheridan, who made sure that the Mexicans got all the weapons and ammunition they needed to expel the French. American soldiers were discharged with their uniforms and rifles if they promised to join the Mexican Army to fight the French. The American Legion of Honor marched in the Victory Parade in Mexico, City.
It might be a historical stretch to credit the survival of the United States to those brave 4,000 Mexicans who faced an army twice as large in 1862. But who knows?
In gratitude, thousands of Mexicans crossed the border after Pearl Harbor to join the U.S. Armed Forces. As recently as the Persian Gulf War, Mexicans flooded American consulates with phone calls, trying to join up and fight another war for America.
Mexicans, you see, never forget who their friends are, and neither do Americans. That's why Cinco de Mayo is such a party -- A party that celebrates freedom and liberty. There are two ideals which Mexicans and Americans have fought shoulder to shoulder to protect, ever since the 5th of May, 1862. VIVA! el CINCO DE MAYO!!
Don't you just love how all the fundies proclaim "diversity" as long as you subscribe to their theology? Not that religious beliefs are the only thing diverse about our world, but their view of morality and religious teachings leave very little room for individual anything, let alone beliefs.
We, the members of the Ten Commandments Commission and supporting people of faith, proclaim Ten Commandments Day on the first Sunday in the month of May, commencing on Sunday, May seventh of 2006. Furthermore, we proclaim Ten Commandments Day to be a day dedicated for the display, awareness, commemoration and celebration of the Decalogue which we know to be the Divine foundation of the JudeoChristian faith. We, the members of the commission, serve as a cohesive group of spiritual leaders representing millions of followers who affirm the beauty and the uniqueness of our differences. We believe that rooted in God's Ten Commandments is a Divine plan that transcends color and diversity, sanctions brotherhood of man, and respects cultural expressions in all of God's children. We, who serve as a council of leaders, are committed to utilizing our united passion to provide purpose and direction for reversing the enormous tide of immorality continuing to be released throughout the United States of America and on all continents of the world. This unified voice will culminate annually on Ten Commandments Day and serve as a global, spiritual platform calling for a renewed awareness of morality based on the Ten Commandments. This platform will respond to the call echoed throughout creation for a true expression of love, harmony and reconciliation among all nations, ethnic diversities and genders through education and rededication to the moral standard as given by our Loving Creator. Therefore, we are calling on all community and spiritual leaders; churches, synagogues, fellowships, ministries, organizations, and all who are concerned about moral values to celebrate the annual Ten Commandments Day by hosting local events in support of the Ten Commandments and what they represent. Finally, we proclaim the need to heal the wounds of history through strategic and practical objectives, proactive love and obedience to the Commandments.
I will leave it to you, good reader, to determine which side of the fence I reside on.
On Ten Amendments Day, May 7th, we come together in local communities in supporting our Constitution, the freedoms it preserves, and the rights it protects. Why is there a need to support and promote the Bill of Rights?
Powerful forces are working to undermine the principles that have kept Americans free for 215 years and jeopardize the liberties guaranteed by the Bill of Rights.
Religious activists are seeking to install God in our government. On May 7th, the Ten Commandments Day Commission and millions of followers will lobby to replace the Ten Amendments with the Ten Commandments, replacing our civil rights with their religious preferences.
Visit the Ten Amendments Day website at www.TenAmendmentsDay.org to learn about the Bill of Rights and the debates that went into the creation of our secular Constitution. You'’ll find articles about the Ten Commandments and the current court cases attempting to force religion into the government, as well as other press resources.
I thought law was to protect people from crime, which I guess in a way is "changing or correcting behavior," but I think that's more of a psychological/sociological issue, not a criminal one. But I digress. Nicole seems to be confused as to why her views are "wrong" while the so-called values of the "liberals" are okay. She says:
"We would allow people of all sorts of ideologies and races. But when you talk about the law and how the law is applied, law is effected to change or correct behavior."
I think what Nicole, bless her simple mind, fails to understand is this: I, and certainly everyone I know about, doesn't want to "teach" homosexuality any more than people want to "teach" heterosexuality. The difference between our two camps is this: She feels her opinions should be enshrined in law and everyone should abide by those laws which she deems to be "biblically lawful," while at the same time making a token gesture of "diversity"; Liberals (for lack of a more appropriate term) think it's fine that you believe homosexuality is wrong. I really do think it's okay that they think this. But where we disagree is that she thinks her opinion should be law, while I believe the law should be inclusive enough to allow for a woman to marry a woman is she so desires, or a man marry a man, and still allow men to marry women. I am not trying to make all men marry men. Not only would the overall good-looks of the homosexual population go into a death-spiral (hehehe), but, and let me be real clear about this: not everyone is gay and wants to marry a person of the same gender. Of course, not all homosexual individuals want to get married anyway, but, shouldn't we have the choice? Nicole and Corey do. Why is it so evil to allow us to choose?
"They're wanting to teach everybody about homosexuality. I'm not. Why is when they do it, it's okay, but when I want to do it, it's not okay. I disagree with them. They're wrong."
Think George W. "The Dancing Monkey" is bad? Humph. You people haven't seen anything yet. What would Christian Exodus's main goals be? Let's take a gander. From the website of Christian Exodus:
Christian Exodus has set its sights on six conservative South Carolina counties, places big enough for its followers to find jobs, but small enough places where change can quickly take place. By 2014, these political pioneers want enough people in key positions to make a dramatic impact on statewide elections.
Well, that doesn't sound so bad, you say. Sounds kind of like how it maybe should be, you say. Let's take a closer look at the so-called rights of theirs that are being violated. Again, from the site:
ChristianExodus.org desires the return of constitutionally limited government to the whole of these United States. Recent events suggest that no such return to constitutional principles is likely. Therefore, we will return such principles to one sovereign State by moving thousands of Christian Constitutionalists.
South Carolina can secure the rights of her citizens by interposing her authority under the 10th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. The federal government operates outside its delegated powers in the areas of education, religion, abortion, domestic behavior, intrastate communication, intrastate commerce, taxation, welfare, healthcare, gun regulation, and a host of other subjects. Most powers concerning these topics are reserved to the States under the 10th Amendment. Therefore, we will see to it that South Carolina resumes her governmental authority in these matters and that our counties and State ignore federal directives in violation of the 10th Amendment.
ChristianExodus.org will continue to move Christians into South Carolina until we possess a representative majority in both houses of the General Assembly. Such a strategy will make the sovereignty debate public, and the influence of our membership will tip the scales in favor of constitutionally limited government founded upon Christian principles.
Sigh. I'm just glad I know all Christians aren't such dumb morons. I do wish they had a bigger mouth than their fundie counter-parts. But then again, then you all wouldn't find out how crazy they really were... until it was too late.
We are violated in our right to Life:
- Unborn babies are subject to slaughter by abortionists and their own mothers under any pretext whatsoever.(Is there suddenly a law that requires every one to get an abortion?)
- The elderly, infirm, and disabled are subject to forced starvation and involuntary euthanasia.(And apparently, we don't have nursing homes, we have death camps...)
- Citizens are subjected to the perils of imperialist entanglements abroad, and left unprotected from alien invaders at home.(Wait... a conservative against the war in Iraq?!?!?! Whoa, I think I feel dizzy...)
We are violated in our right to Liberty:
- Abortion continues against the wishes of many States and in violation of the reserved powers of the States under the 10th Amendment.(Again, they aren't being forced to get abortions! If you think they are wrong, then don't have a fucking abortion!!!! Is this really that hard a concept to grasp?!?!)
- Christians are denied their rights to free speech, freedom of the press, the display of religious monuments, and other expressions of faith in the public sphere.(Public sphere? Yes. Set 'em up at your churches, in your front lawns, in your graveyards... wherever the hell you want! Since when it is a "right" to force everyone else to look upon your idol worship of graven images? Oh, that almost makes it sound like you're breaking one of your top-ten commandments... something to think about, fundies! Do it wherever the hell you want, just not with everyone's money.)
- Citizens are denied their rights to keep and bear arms sufficient for the restraint of tyranny.(They are dumb, aren't they? Unless there has recently been a law passed that says you can't have a gun... and in your hands, Mr. Burnell, I think I'm happy that you think you can't have one.)
- Men, women, and children are involuntarily exposed to the corrupting influences of homosexuality, pornography, and other perversities protected and financed by the national government.(He must have fallen off the turnip truck just yesterday, folks. Don't want your kids to see something on TV? Turn the fucking thing off! Don't leave your porn sitting around and your kids won't find it! And since when is the government "financing" homosexuality and porn? Is there more going on behind Bush's shit-eating grin than the conservative's are telling?)
- Sodomy is now legal and celebrated as "diversity" by order of the U.S. Supreme Court rather than condemned as perversion. Another usurpation of the rights of the States by the federal government.(Someone should tell him that when his wife gives him a blow-job... that's sodomy. Plus, it's a fact that more straight men engage in sodomy with their wives than gay men or lesbians... Don't believe me? Look it up. I'm not doing all your work for you.)
- Families are subject to the trauma of no-fault divorce, often used to unjustly deny fathers equal protection under law and fundamental family rights.(Huh? Fundie say what? Someone sounds bitter about their latest serial-monogamy divorce...)
- Children are seized from good parents arbitrarily and under false pretexts, and placed in the care of the state, as driven by federal funding.(Please tell me he isn't trying to defend Andrea Yates here... Please!)
- Federal courts prevent children in public schools from freely practicing Christianity.(Um, no, federal law prohibits you from forcing all the other children to practice it. You can pray, your kid can pray, but since the teacher must be an example and dispenser of wisdom to all our children, he cannot endorse one religion over another, so while he won't be leading in you in prayer, you can still get on your knees and wail to whomever floats your boat about your miserable life...)
- Children who pray in public schools are subject to prosecution.(Horse-shit. And if it did happen once, I hope that prosecutor lost his license.)
- Federal expenditures on education are unconstitutional and promote revisionist history and statist sociology. Our schools continue to teach the discredited theory of Darwinian evolution.(Hah! Did he just say discredited?!?!?! I won't even bother to point out the flaws in this little ditty-bag of ill-logic!)
So says the pot to the kettle. I hate to tell them, but this isn't a government by the Christians for the Christians. It's by the people for all the people.
Americans have lost the ability to distinguish rights from privileges.
