As If the Shootings Weren't Bad Enough...

As if the families of both the shooter and his victims haven't suffered enough, every one's favorite hate-group leader has decided that his "congregation" (Read: fan-club of idiocy) will picket the funerals of those who were killed at the Virginia Tech school. His reasoning?

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Why did this happen, you ask? It’s simple. On April 16, 2007, this nation, through the offices of your military and conspirators therewith took a shot at the servants of God — your marksman was limp and lame and he had terror all around, so he did a lousy job. But what you get for your trouble is that your God shot at you! The LORD your God sent a crazed madman to shoot at your children, and he didn't miss. Get this straight — God sent this South Korean madman to kill 31 of your children at Virginia Tech. Was God asleep while this took place? Was He on vacation? Of course not. He willed this to happen to punish you for assailing His servants.

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Notice how suddenly his god is ours? Funny how we don't even subscribe to his more-illogical-than-most-fundies sky god (and also note the fact that he never says it's his god either--maybe some sort of subconscious "I know I'm a moron" truth coming through?) Of course, it's our military (as if he doesn't live in this country) and our offices (and what does his congregation do for day jobs?) that "took a shot at god." One wonders how one hunts and shoots fairy tales? Throw a bible in the air, grab your Winchester, and hope for the best? No, you're right--a hand gun would give better odds. Unless we get a clay-pigeon cannon? Hmm, so many weapons of mass fairy-tale destruction, so little time for hunting. Of course, this seems to negate logic and reason, which are the best defense against smiting sky gods, horny Hebrew teens, talking snakes & donkeys, and a risen dead guy or two, but I digress.

Of course, we realize that the Westboro Baptist Church has every right to say what they wish--this wouldn't be the United States if they couldn't! And they do have a way of making even the most "biblical" of issues seem like small potatoes to his super-sized ignorance. One wonders how people who most likely live normal,every-day 9 to 5 lives become such hate-mongers when wearing a sandwich board?

Of course, one must remember that, even though most fundies abhor the tactics of Westboro, they all agree with their message (though they place it in a more "politically correct" phraseology): God Hates Fags. Most fundies will let us off the hook with a "Hate the sin, love the sinner," but most people see through that Cover-girl camouflage. That's just a pretty way of saying "You're going to hell, but like Judas, I'll send you with a kiss" (followed by a fervent prayer that it does, indeed, exist...) otherwise they'll have kissed a fag for nothing...

One of Phelps' followers, daughter Shirley, who has 11 children (cause hate groups aren't gonna just have members flocking their way, so they need to promote growth from the inside) said the following at a soldiers funeral not to long ago: "You are not going to make me feel bad about it. If they're offended, that is a clear indication they hate God's word and are headed for hell." How many times have I heard that on this forum? Of course, sky god's "word" comes wrapped up in Jesus' love, Eve's dumb-ass for listening to a talking snake (Who hasn't been there, done that?), and a fervent self-despising nature to relieve yourself of all personal responsibility to blame the devil, Eve, and a son-murdering god who could give two shits.

And you think I'm the one going to hell...

I say fundies have already created it here on earth...

But we'll just blame that on the "devil" too...