A Whole New Meaning for Suffer the Children...

So it seems that instead of trying to get kids into church pews for brainwashing, or perhaps, say, a summer camp who wants to "Wash Your Brain for Jesus," a bible-based company wanted to donate 4,000 talking Jesus dolls to Toys for Tots in the hopes of spreading the love of Jesus for those less fortunate:

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"The idea was for them to be three-dimensional teaching tools for kids," La Roe said. "I believe as a churchgoing person, anyone can benefit from hearing the words of the Bible."

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Yeah, I'm sure the followers in Waco, Texas, truly benefited from hearing those words, didn't they? How about all those altar boys the Catholic priests raped and abused while preaching against the nastiness of gay marriage? "Save our marriages from gays, Lord, but let lil' Johnny please please be an altar boy this year! Amen!" Does the bible help some? Yes, of that I have no doubt. Does that mean everyone would benefit? Hmm, ask a slave in the 1800's whose master said "The Good Book says slaves should obey their masters!" Yeah, a real benefit, something I'm sure the employee handbook didn't spell out when they were being loaded onto ships to most likely die in passage across the Atlantic before being thrown in a foreign land and whipped near death to pick cotton...

More form the article:

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Toys are donated to kids based on financial need and "we don't know anything about their background, their religious affiliations," said Bill Grein, vice president of Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, in Quantico, Va.

As a government entity, Marines "don't profess one religion over another," Grein said Tuesday. "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

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Next thing you know, Focus on the Family will be saying to boycott Toys for Tots as they won't let Jesus dolls speak for them. Can you hear it now? "Jesus dolls are inspired by God, and any company that won't help pass out inspired Jesus dolls is of the devil! Donate now to help us trash Toys for Tots on national television and put an end to gay marriage!"

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According to the company's Web site, the button-activated, bearded Jesus, dressed in hand-sewn cloth outfits and sandals, recites Scripture such as "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" and "Love your neighbor as yourself." It has a $20 retail value.

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Hear that? Jesus can be yours for a mere $20, plus, if you act now, he comes with a free cross to be crucified on at Easter--"Tomb to be Risen From" sold separately, batteries not included. Now wouldn't you, as a poor, needy child just love to hear that you won't get into heaven unless you're "born again"? And here when I was a kid, I just wanted Lincoln logs and legos to build cool castles and forts that my toy cowboys could use as a ranch. Who knew what I really needed was a doll that told me I was going to hell! Kids these days, sheesh!

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Michael La Roe, director of business development for both companies, said the charity's decision left him "surprised and disappointed."

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Usually when someone's alternate fuzzywarm lands are shattered by reality, shock and disappointment can be side affects. Luckily, he has 4,000 Jesus dolls sitting around to tell him to love his neighbor. As long as he's Christian. And straight. And not a Muslim. Or gay. Or pregnant and not wanting a child.

At least the children will have toys they enjoy. Not toys that will ruin a happy holiday, a time of sharing, giving, caring, and unconditional love.