Redecorating Jesus-style...

Apparently I'm on some kind of mailing list. Something tells me it has to do with the Jesus-people that were by earlier trying to drag me off to the "revival."

I received a Jesus Rug. No, really, that's what it's called. This is actually the second Jesus rug I've received this week. What's supposed to happen is, you unfold this "Jesus Rug" (really just an 11 x 17" piece of paper--cheaper weave, I suppose) and stare into his eyes. Once they "open," your prayer will be answered, you mail the Jesus Rug back to the church in came from (in Alabama), along with a check as thanks to god for your answered prayer, and life will be good.

The real deal is that it's an optical allusion, and the image on the paper is painted in such a way as, if you look at it one way, his eyes are closed, and when you look at it the other way, his eyes are open, but when you stand there dazed and confused and your eyes go blurry with tears in the hopes you'll be chosen by Jesus to be looked upon and perhaps Aunt Faye will recover form that stroke, Jesus' eyes open, a shaft of light shatters though your living room ceiling, angels sing Alleluia, and hence, you are blessed above all virgins (if, in fact, you prayed for your virginity back...)

Couple of things:

1. Are the same people that actually fall for this scam the same ones that send Falwell and Robertson a check when they suggest Jesus would kill the Venezuelan president? Or that Katrina was about the debauchery of the French Quarter? (I remind you, one of the only sections of New Orleans to not be flooded...)
2. Why call it a "rug" when it is only a piece of paper? Or should it miraculously change at the same time Jesus opens his eyes?
3. Who in the hell is falling for this shit? (I know, but it bears re-asking...)

In addition to the Jesus rugs, which make a handsome throw for the dog to shit on when we're away all day, I got a pamphlet extolling the virtues of buying guardian angels to hang over all my doorways (one of which glows in the dark, "so you never feel alone") and how Satan cannot possibly be overcome by the forces of plastic, fiber optics, and a banner that says "Jesus Loves You." I;m thinking this may have been more geared toward an older, more Ahlzeimer-ridden population, but I looked at the addy on the catalog, and there my name was in bold print: "Jason Hughes or legal resident." Being that it could have been for a "legal resident," I'm wondering if they think perhaps I border Mexico and possibly have illegal immigrants getting my mail for me from my mailbox...