An Open Letter to Jenny Garcia,or... Always get a Background Check on Your New Phone Number...

Hey Jenny,

It's Jason, the new and formerly used-to-be-proud-owner of what was apparently your old phone number...

Pay your electric bill, you goddamn lazy bitch.
Also, some dude named Milo is in love with you, but refuses to buy you a steak and lobster dinner. So it's not actually love, probably just lust, and you're better off without him knowing your new number, whatever that may be, because you apparently haven't given it to either your grandmother or birth mother either.

As a side note, your *birth* mother claims to be the "biggest bi in the bx." I'm assuming that's either "biggest bisexual in the Bronx" or the "biggest bitch in the Bronx." Either way, she's a nasty bitch who can't spell and can't hold a decent conversation, not to mention very quick to jump on the four-letter-words bandwagon. I'm thinking the very fact that she uses the term "birth mother" means you were lucky to have not been raised by such a vehemently bad speller, not to mention a mother with the mouth of an uncouth sailor. And no matter which way you slice it, as she seems so proud to be the biggest something, when you do finally get in touch with her, tell her to join the biggest loser. Something tells me she'd get rave reviews for being a big something...

Seriously, though, call your grandmother. She's very worried--at least, so I gather from the half-broken English.

And before I forget?

Pay your electric bill, you goddamn lazy bitch.
I figure sooner or later, you will learn how to inform your loved one's of your new where-about's and learn to be a responsible adult and actually fulfill your monetary obligations. When that time comes, call your old number, and I'll congratulate you on finally stepping up and being a decent human being...

Until that time comes, however, you are on my shit list (as is your mother who threatened my life [I "lol"d at her, pissing her off even further]), and I have since started blocking the numbers of your various contacts and loved ones...

Thanks for listening,

Jason