Anything You Can Do...

---

Rich: We could do that!
Me: Do what? Play polo?
Rich: No, that!
Me: Dig for buried treasure?
Rich: No, that! This show, what we're watching. We'd have fun!
Me: The Amazing Race?
Rich: Yeah, why not?
Me: (glancing at his leg...)
Rich: Well, not now.
Me: Thanks for not making me say it aloud.
Rich: We'd have fun, though, don't you think?
Me: I'd kill you.
Rich: What?
Me: Not literally. Hon, I love you, but under pressure, you get...
Rich: What?
Me: Angry? Frustrated? All yelly with twirly red eyes. And since it's a race, well... I'd kill you. Or you'd kill me. Somehow, trust me, it would end tragically.
Rich: Hmm...
Me: And since you are already using a walker to get around... I'd hate to be known as the guy who killed his partially-disabled, partially-bionic gay partner in a race around the world. We'd be famous, but in a bad way... But I still love you...
Rich: You really don't think we could do it?
Me: Could we do it? Yes. Will we do it? No. Why? It wouldn't be fun, it would be a nightmare. You'd yell, I'd go quiet, you'd get stubborn, I'd will myself to be more stubborn, we'd finally kiss and make up, and by then we'd have been eliminated by Phil, not to mention producers who really only love Type A personalities who are vocal. Not that I'm not all easy going most of the time, and not that you're always angry and stubborn, but when it comes to competition? You remember Clemmark and Scrabble? Clemmark and Pictionary? Clemmark and Pinochle? Clemmark and Apples to Apples? We Hughes's are beyond competitive... Except Cindy. But she doesn't count, she was the UPS man's...
Rich: Well, think about it.
Me: No.
Rich: A little?
Me: No.
Rich: Fine.
Me: Fine.
(Five minutes later.)
Rich: Babe?
Me: Still no.
(Five minutes later.)
Rich: Um--
Me: Still no.
(Five minutes later.)
Rich: I need--
Me: Still no.
(Five minutes later.)
Rich: WATER!
Me: Excuse me?
Rich: I need some water.
Me: Why did you yell it?
Rich: I didn't want to hear you say "Still no."
Me: Oh.
Rich: But--
Me: Still no.
Rich: Fine.

---