I'll give you three guesses...
[Enter Jeopardy theme music...]
Well... You were wrong. Sorry.
The correct answer was, "What are high gas prices?"
Whoa!! Three cents!! You go, you all-powerful deity! I wish god would manifest himself more often in three-cent price drops! Then the world would know who is in control! No wonder he hasn't approached anybody who could actually do something! What a waste when your all-powerful deity can drop the price by THREE WHOLE CENTS!!!
In response to record-high gas prices earlier this summer, members of Twyman’s movement began holding prayer vigils at gas stations across the country. Last month, Twyman, a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, spent an afternoon praying outside the Embassy of Saudi Arabia, imploring God to move the country to raise the amount of barrels of oil released each day.
[...]
Twyman, who said he has not consulted with politicians, lobbyists, or energy experts about the solution to rising gas prices, said his prayer approach works. The “prayer warriors” prayed at a station in Alabama, Twyman said, and the owners came out and lowered the gas price by three cents.
But the idiocy continued...
Yes, nothing says "Come to Jesus" like three-cent cheaper gas, you know? I remember thinking just last week, "Geez, if gas was just $4.05 a gallon instead of $4.08, I'd believe in Jesus again."
Experts attribute the recent drops in gas prices to a decline in demand. But Twyman said his is a serious movement.
“We think that God is really asking us, telling us, in a harsh type of way, that we need to come back to him,” he said. “The Earth is the Lord’s. He owns the world, He owns the gas. That’s what we need to understand, that we are just pawns in the universe, and God is ultimately in control.”
That thought was quickly followed by, "I wonder if Allah could lower it by four cents? I'd definitely be a Muslim then!"
Of course, we all remember when Jesus said, "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." (Mat 18:19)
All it takes is TWO PEOPLE to ask for ANYTHING and "it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." Of course, most fundies disregard this to mean "the Father shall take it into consideration and might say Yes, No, or Maybe," ignoring the fact that Jesus himself said "it shall be done." (In the original Greek in which this is written, "it shall be done" is ginomai, which also means "will be fulfilled," "will come to pass," and "it will be done." Notice the lack of wishy-washy "maybe's" and "no's"...)
So if we go with the Jesus rule of only TWO needing to ask for something for it to happen, how many people are currently wandering from gas station to gas station asking for cheaper gas?
So let's see... It takes 75 people to lower the gas by three cents at ONE gas station in Alabama... That would mean... (...carry the one...) it would take 7,125 people to lower the gas at ONE gas station to $1.20 per gallon...
Twyman said the Pray at the Pump Movement has a core group of 75.
Figure that by how many gas stations in the U.S. alone...
All-powerful deity indeed...
Of course, if you try giving each one of these seventy-five people just a penny for their thoughts, you can expect 78 cents in change...
After all, god would magically take three cents off the asking price...
Which, of course, was way too much to expect to begin with...
No comments:
Post a Comment