Lying on our backs and counting the stars...

It was just like looking upon an old photo--the memories of hiking, playing pool and ping-pong, eating around the large dining room table. Except this time it was so much better than a photo...

I drove slowly up the now-paved road, convinced I had made a wrong turn somewhere. "Clem Mark is on a dirt road," I explained to Rich. "It's on top of the mountain--somewhere over there," I repeated again, waving my hand in the general direction of more nowhere.

But as we crested the next hill, there it was, nestled among the very same pines, across the street from the very same barn, it's wide back porch looking out over the rolling Appalachian mountains.

I slowed down. I wanted this to last forever, never to end! I had never thought to see it again. When my father had been laid off ten years ago due to "corporate restructuring," we had thought the company lodge was one of those things now past. The summers of star gazing, hiking, and romping in Tioga County were over--or had been over.

We were the last to arrive--the rest of the family who had said they would go had left for the lodge on Thursday night, but I couldn't get off of work Friday morning. I had to wait with grand impatience as they all called to say they had arrived, or had just left, but now I was here as well.

A great time was had, new memories were made, and most of the in-laws were introduced to the tranquil escape of our childhood. Many of them thought it a myth, others a rumor, and yet others that it must be 20/20 hindsight that made
Clem Mark so grand, so peaceful, so... Seventies decor...

Of course, the seventies decor remained, and rather than being a gaudy sight, it was a comfort. The barn across the street may have a new roof, there may be a few more houses dotting the roadside on the way up to the lodge, the road may now be paved, but here--here at Clem Mark, time had stopped.

And indeed, through the eyes of my nieces and nephews, I saw the magic come alive again. "Can we play pool?" "Who wants to play ping-pong?" "Are we really going to hike all the way up there?"

We did "hike all the way up there," and then some. Wine tasting, feeding the horses, playing games, talking, catching up, resting, and of course, the gratuitous eating. It wouldn't have been a family vacation otherwise. And the nights spent sitting out on the grass, watching the stars? The Milky Way so clear you could just reach up and take a swipe! Shooting stars seemed to also make their home here (along with a few "UFO" sightings! LOL!), and between the utter darkness of the night, the complete absence of traffic, people, and lights, and the knowledge that we would always have this together--
this night, this moment, this vacation...

Who knows if we'll ever get there again--indeed, I don't expect the opportunity will come again, if only to keep my hopes from getting too high. Rich made sure to capture every waking moment, even going so far as to record an entire breakfast around the large dining room table! Many photos were taken, and though some very dear and wonderful people couldn't make it, hopefully, if the opportunity does come again, this time the pictures can be completed.

Of course, these moments go all too quickly. Before we knew it, Monday morning had come. Time to clean up and clear out. Leaving wasn't as hard as I expected, if only because too much of a good thing never can stay as good as you expect. If I had the opportunity to stay, I still don't think I would choose to, if only because it would ruin the magic, the small place of reality where time does stop and memories last forever... But where new ones can still be made today...

The Not-So-Itsy Bitsy Spider...

Ever have one of those days? You wake up with a song in your heart and a smile on your lips? There you are, yanking out weeds, evening out your mulch a bit, taking joy in the blooms and buds showering your landscape with color and beauty, and just as your getting ready to burst into some sappy song of happiness and joy, and...

A movement catches your eye. You pause, the words of Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rogue drifting silent into the now-eerie silence...

You cautiously poke your impatiens.

Nothing.

You begin to think it's your imagination, or maybe that dang floater in your eye is back again playing tricks. You hear a bird chirp, and the moment is past. You bust out, "We could be hero's, Forever and eeeeevvvvveeeeerrrrr!!!" look down...

And see this on your arm:



(Honestly? It took me about a half hour to find her again to take that shot... It was a very Steve Irwin-ish type of experience...)

I shrieked like most little girls only wish they could. Shrieked, stomped, slapped, shook, shimmied and screamed, flapping like a sea gull on 'roids! Rich comes racing out of the house, "What?! What's going on? What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Whereisitwhereisitwhereisitgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!!"

"What? Were you bit by a snake? Where is it? Was it poisonous? Where's the gun?" Granted, he is shouting this at me while I continue my new mantra to bring peace and stability into my life. Eventually I settle down a bit and try to explain the MAMMOTH proportions of this obviously dangerous predator in my used-to-be Eden side yard.

"Come on, get real!" he says, brushing off the apparent danger we're in. I'm imagining nests of these giant black-and-yellow blood suckers in every nook and cranny, a huge hive in the attic just waiting for nightfall to descend and suck our bodies dry over a period of weeks as we're immobilized in a silken coffin. "They'd probably make us watch them eat Hawthorne first, to draw out the suspense and terror. Then they'll figure out which of us is weaker, and lacerate off our body parts one at a time and dangle them before us in their hairy mandibles..."

"I'm going back in the house. A spider..."

I stand there in the side yard, looking at my flowers in a whole new light. I decided to do some research...

Apparently, this is known as a Garden Spider, and is one of the best spiders you could possibly have in your garden! The females are about an inch-and-a-half long (just their bodies!! That doesn't count the head [white-ish] or legs!!), usually hang in the center of their nest in an "X" shape, face down, waiting for anything: beetles, wasps, bees, flies...

But they are not a danger to humans. Thank goodness! With this data in mind, I went out and hunted down that picture of her, with a new appreciation for my safety!

Never saw a spider like this in my life (and I'm sure if Mom had, she'd have died on the spot!), but I have to tell you, now that I know she's harmless to me, I think she's a lot prettier...

I'd also like to point out that, once I relocated her and showed Rich her enormous size, he was a little more understanding about my freak-out. So much so that he wouldn't even get close enough to take the picture!

Guess who had the last laugh?

This is All I Can Take,This is How a Heart Breaks...

The keyboard calls to me but the words have a hard time flowing tonight. I know the subject I wish to tackle, and yet...

Well, there it is, isn't it?

When your mind races at 600,000,000 thoughts per second, and your fingers type roughly 80 words per minute, you have to wonder--intelligently designed? (Anyone interested in that ocean-front property in Arizona yet?)

Coming to terms with the falsehoods of the past is a disconcerting process. Even more so is trying to let go of the anger and betrayal of such enlightening processes of growth. Ten times as much when many, many people in your life still cling like ancient Saran Wrap to the very notions you have said bon voyage to...

I love very many people of many very different persuasions in this world, this life, on this Earth. We laugh, we cry, we eat. We sit, we talk, we eat. In fact, nine times out of ten, we're eating...

(I may have just solved America's "obesity crisis"--STOP EATING!)

Every now and then, someone decides they need to take a "moral stand" (whatever that means), and then some talking, crying, and eating commences, but it's really all part of the circle of life, you know? (They say it moves us all...)

We've recently had a "crisis" of sorts in the blood-related gene pool--nothing that would rock L.A. off the map, mind you, but something nevertheless which has people second-guessing themselves, second-guessing their decisions, their dinner table conversation, their choice of vegetable for dinner... Well, maybe not that last one, but you get my drift--everyone is now on eggshells, wondering what's going to set off who, by how much, and if it will ultimately affect the price of tea in China... (That's Hughes-Zartman slang for "What will be the greater ramifications...?")

But once the bomb has gone off, and everyone is still sort of looking around, a little bit dazed, how to you remake a bridge that was pretty tenuous to begin with? Granted, it wasn't so tenuous that all you could talk about was the weather, but I think you know what I mean--it was like when you were a teenager, and your friends were pretty much determined by the pecking order in high school, where most of your friends were chosen for you (whether you like to admit it or not), but once you all picked majors and went to college, most of those friends--well, it was only obligation and guilt factors that kept you together, you know?

Maybe not quite that tenuous either... But while blood may be thicker than water, blood isn't quite as thick as personal philosophies, or so my family has taught me...

While I understand that, through certain periods of personal growth of individuals, things will be said, stands will be taken, and personalities will clash all resulting in the culmination (hopefully) of learning experiences for all, those learning experiences, in my personal opinion (of which I know a great many of you hold closer to your hearts than the words of Gandhi), don't mean a thing if it hasn't brought you closer, with a greater respect and understanding of one another, and a better time laughing, crying, talking, sitting, and eating...

Together.

Just to bring a little more clarity to the fog that is my rambling, one of the Fab Five (that would be me and the four siblings) made a stand of sorts, based on their personal journey and where it has brought them. That being said, whether or not I agree with the stand itself, the logic and reasoning behind the stand, or even the underlying (subconscious?) subtext hidden within the stands' depths, it ultimately comes down to a few simple key factors:

1. Are they doing this with the right intentions?
2. Are they doing this with a clear conscience?
3. Is what they hope to gain greater than the status quo?

Truthfully, only they can answer these questions. No one, no matter how psychic people think they are, no matter how close people think they are to god (nose bleed seating anyone?), no matter how much people consider themselves a "guru" of the heart, no one can know any other persons true rational and motivations, and even how important some of those motivations may be on a case by case basis.

And even though I do believe hearts were in the right places, minds were not. Cooler heads made a few guest appearances ("Hello, hello out there, wherever you are. I just want to make it totally clear that you are not at all welcome!"--kudos to the person who gets this reference...), mostly it was a lot of emotional puking and knee-jerk reacting, and, sad to say from my lonely perch on the outskirts, more bruises were had than anything on all sides of the field. And while I have my own views on who may be ultimately right, or ultimately wrong, all of it means bupkiss in the end...

I don't think anyone came away with a winning position. Or, at least, not enough to end the game.

Maybe that's how it should be in this case... Who am I to say? Unfortunately, the scattered remnants now find themselves on various parts of a multi-fissured gorge, and it will take a number of bridge-builders to bring everything back together again...

And bridge-building is hard! Bruises and scrapes are fresh on both sides, protectionist mind sets prevail, and some seem to think that shouting across the gorge where the bridge used to be, where they can't hurt each other anymore, should be the new status quo for a while...

Which saddens me... My heart is so heavy for all sides of this spectacular fireworks display of emotion. Buried memories have been drudged up, old scars ripped open, wax ripped off the hairs of various nether regions resulting in much agony, pain, and tears... On ALL sides...

Growth spurts are often very painful--indeed, my family seems to deal with their fair share (and as I often told my parents growing up, they should have stopped with me, #2... To which my mother usually answers, "I should have stopped with all of you!"), and I know a lot of it is brought on by the fact that there's just so darn many of us. Two parents, five kids, each with their own spouses (who's assimilation's for each were all quite different and tumultuous in their own rights...), lives, more kids, dogs, cats, ferrets, mice, roaches, basis's of morality, personality conflicts, lifestyle choices, musical preferences, wheels, breathing patterns...

This one is deep. This one crosses more than a few of the above mentioned, plus some. It crosses political, sexual, spiritual, personal, and emotional lines to a degree we haven't seen since The Party. (Another doozy from the past I may bring up at a later point... We're dealing with enough as it is without bring that up for more than a passing comment...)

Will we make it? Rebuild? Move on? Grow and learn?

I can only speak for myself, of course, and the remainder of the Fab Five (and Co.) will have to decide that for themselves...

I remember a time in my life when my very own family was too much for me to handle. Having been default peace maker for so many years, I had made a very conscious decision to give it all up and let the dice fall where it may. This wasn't too long after The Party, The Adoption, and The Gay One pretty much all hit at once (which gives me hope considering this is just one event... Admittedly, with the potential to be larger than all three of those combined...) I moved out of the house after a two month return from West Virginia (another long story), and less than a year after that, I was at least one hour to the north keeping minimal contact via phone with everyone. I didn't get involved--in fact, I consciously refused to do so, as the family had managed to drain me of every ounce of compassion and empathy.

My list of complaints was long: They were loud, bull headed, stubborn, nosy, loud, brutally honest, emotional, opinionated, loud... I was just plain tired of mediating it all...

But they didn't let me go.

And I learned, and grew, and found a whole new appreciation for my loud, opinionated family. Though I had never stopped loving any of them, I had stopped appreciating them for what I had felt (at the time) were important reasons, personal reasons. Though I hadn't stopped loving them, I had focused way too much on their negative qualities. Though I hadn't stopped loving them, I had stopped liking them, and though it hurt at the time to admit it, that was entirely my fault. My problem. My short coming.

And if I hadn't learned to view my family for what they were--a loud, noisy bunch of opinionated people who only had the best of intentions at heart (and sometimes in mind...)--it would have been MY loss. And, as a result, theirs...

Everyone goes through this at some point, I'm sure. Where the family they didn't ask for gets to be too much. When the cards they were dealt genetically get to be too hard. When the common blood they share gets to be too annoying and sometimes downright painful.

But you know what? No matter what your creed, no matter what your views, no matter who your god (or lack thereof), the truth is, they are the only family you get. Now, I could go into a whole digression about my chosen family, the friends I've surrounded myself with, who share a lot of the same views and morals I myself hold dear, but honestly--if these people weren't my family, I can guarantee most of them wouldn't be my friends. Which not only makes them more valuable in my personal growth as a human being, it makes them more valuable to me because I know they love me regardless, much as I love them regardless.

It is a choice to love, even more so a choice to love unconditionally.

---

---

I am going out on a limb here, posting this before lumber has been ordered for bridge repair, but I am hoping, dear family, you will learn and grow--not only because I myself was down this road with you very same folks--but hopefully you will choose to love in spite of what you believe our differences are. That you will still choose to talk, laugh, cry, sit, and eat with us. Not because you think you have to, not because you hold a value or a reason and think you must or mustn't do this or that...

But because you choose to...

And because we love you.

I love you, and I don't want to miss out on continuing to grow with you, to journey with you, to laugh and cry with you, and to eat with you...

You are my family, the only one I have... I'd like to keep all of you. Because I love you, and because I choose to.

I'd like you to choose us as well...

Too True, Yet Too Funny...

This was just too funny to pass up sharing with you, dear readers...

Thanks for LOL God for this, and many other funnies.

FYI: Something substantial in the works--just taking longer to flesh out then expected...

Just One More Reason to Love the Olympics...

Oh, what I wouldn't give for a "wardrobe malfunction"...

Almost makes me want to get cable again...

Damn that Janet--she ruined it for everybody!

Well... Her, and the two people who actually complained to the FCC about it...

The Vegetables of My Labor...

After many long weeks of love, care, water, sunlight, and patience, we had our first taste tonight of what it's like to be a corn farmer...

It was freakin' delicious!

The God of Three Cents...

In a world filled with poverty, hunger, dying children, and homosexual marriage, what is the one thing one group of Christians find to be of paramount importance?

I'll give you three guesses...


[Enter Jeopardy theme music...]


Well... You were wrong. Sorry.

The correct answer was, "What are high gas prices?"

---

In response to record-high gas prices earlier this summer, members of Twyman’s movement began holding prayer vigils at gas stations across the country. Last month, Twyman, a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, spent an afternoon praying outside the Embassy of Saudi Arabia, imploring God to move the country to raise the amount of barrels of oil released each day.

[...]

Twyman, who said he has not consulted with politicians, lobbyists, or energy experts about the solution to rising gas prices, said his prayer approach works. The “prayer warriors” prayed at a station in Alabama, Twyman said, and the owners came out and lowered the gas price by three cents.

---

Whoa!! Three cents!! You go, you all-powerful deity! I wish god would manifest himself more often in three-cent price drops! Then the world would know who is in control! No wonder he hasn't approached anybody who could actually do something! What a waste when your all-powerful deity can drop the price by THREE WHOLE CENTS!!!

But the idiocy continued...

---

Experts attribute the recent drops in gas prices to a decline in demand. But Twyman said his is a serious movement.

“We think that God is really asking us, telling us, in a harsh type of way, that we need to come back to him,” he said. “The Earth is the Lord’s. He owns the world, He owns the gas. That’s what we need to understand, that we are just pawns in the universe, and God is ultimately in control.”

---

Yes, nothing says "Come to Jesus" like three-cent cheaper gas, you know? I remember thinking just last week, "Geez, if gas was just $4.05 a gallon instead of $4.08, I'd believe in Jesus again."

That thought was quickly followed by, "I wonder if Allah could lower it by four cents? I'd definitely be a Muslim then!"

Of course, we all remember when Jesus said, "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." (Mat 18:19)

All it takes is TWO PEOPLE to ask for ANYTHING and "it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." Of course, most fundies disregard this to mean "the Father shall take it into consideration and might say Yes, No, or Maybe," ignoring the fact that Jesus himself said "it shall be done." (In the original Greek in which this is written, "it shall be done" is ginomai, which also means "will be fulfilled," "will come to pass," and "it will be done." Notice the lack of wishy-washy "maybe's" and "no's"...)

So if we go with the Jesus rule of only TWO needing to ask for something for it to happen, how many people are currently wandering from gas station to gas station asking for cheaper gas?

---

Twyman said the Pray at the Pump Movement has a core group of 75.

---

So let's see... It takes 75 people to lower the gas by three cents at ONE gas station in Alabama... That would mean... (...carry the one...) it would take 7,125 people to lower the gas at ONE gas station to $1.20 per gallon...

Figure that by how many gas stations in the U.S. alone...

All-powerful deity indeed...

Of course, if you try giving each one of these seventy-five people just a penny for their thoughts, you can expect 78 cents in change...

After all, god would magically take three cents off the asking price...

Which, of course, was way too much to expect to begin with...

Just Another Hurricane...

---

Edouard hit Texas today with 70mph winds and tons of rain. Local officials are worried that this may be a sign of the apocalypse and god's general unhappiness with the lack of gay marriage in the state.

"We think that maybe God is fed up with our biblical-based stance on homosexuals," says Bea O'Problem, local Baptist and all-around do-gooder. "But God has to realize we stand by His word even when He doesn't."

Churches are scrambling to get in a word with the Big Cheese before any more tropical storms or hurricanes develop off the coast of the Bible Belt.

"We're having a prayer breakfast for all the non-homosexual men in the area first thing in the morning," Rev. Ima Facist was reported as saying early this morning before hopping into his storm shelter. "We ask that all the women-folk take some time to prepare a hearty breakfast for all the men-folk with whatever they can find in the storm's ruins. And it better be good," he quickly finished before his door slammed shut behind him.

Edouard is expected to dump heavy rains in already flooded areas of Texas--none of which allow same-sex marriage or same-sex divorce--and some residents are asking for answers.

"We pray and pray and pray," local housewife Amanda Huggenkiss said while her 12 young ones scampered about for clean diapers and scraps of food. "But Jesus jes' don't seem to care none anymore."

Officials estimate Edouard will leave behind millions of dollars in damages, but the blue-staters from the secular portions of America have already pledged more aid and support than those in Texas had to begin with.

"Regardless of which fairy-tale you happen to believe in or worship, we'll always be here with food, clean water, blankets and clothing for all those in the Bible Belt," Hap P. Agnostic said, safe in his liberal home in Massachusetts as Edouard made landfall. "Someone has to take care of these people, especially when their God doesn't seem to care one way or another."

Some locals were upset by Hap P.'s remarks, as Texan local Homer Sexual was quick to point out after a telephone pole landed on his garage. "It's for people like him that God does things like that to my garage!"

Homer step-brother and son-in-law, Heywood U. Fukme, quickly chimed in, "Yeah! God's jes' got bad aim is all!"

Regardless of whether God needs Pearl Vision, aid from all over the U.S. is ready to help as soon as Edouard clears the area. Blue staters reckon this cycle will keep happening as long as people look to supernatural explanations for natural events, and hold out no hope of the Bible Belt learning from its own mistakes. "If I were going to live in Florida or Texas, or anyplace else that gets hit with these types of natural disasters, I myself may be more inclined to think someone or something was out to get me," said Hunk O'Burninlove from his ranch in northern Idaho, "but then again, it still wouldn't make sense to think that way. People have go to learn, and last time I checked, a public education was still free in this country."

Education may be free, but it may take more than a miracle to get others to see what's right in front of them.

Just another hurricane.

Governor signs law allowing out-of-state gays to wed...

Full story here.

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Surrounded by cheering, clapping gay-rights activists and legislators, Governor Deval Patrick today signed a bill repealing a 95-year-old statute that had prevented gay and lesbian couples from most other states from marrying in Massachusetts.

"It's a good day," said Patrick, declaring that the repeal will "confirm a simple truth: that is, in Massachusetts, equal means equal."

Massachusetts will "continue to lead the way as a national leader" and affirm "all people come before their government as equals," Patrick said in a bill-signing ceremony at the State House's Grand Staircase. Gay marriage "is still troubling for some of our citizens," he said, "but it is still the law."

Patrick, who turned 52 today, also called the bill "a great birthday present."

Marc Solomon, executive director of MassEquality, a gay-rights organization, said, "This is really a new day. We welcome everyone from New York to come here and get married. We think it's a shame people can't get married in their own states."

---

I'm going to Massachusetts and I'm gonna get married!

Well, not yet... This weekend I'm in Maryland for the 8th first birthday party in the "Nieces/Nephews" category of our scheduled programming...

This has been a special report...