Sunday, June 8, 2008

I'm the Not-So-Wealthiest Man in the World...

Free-will. Self-determination. Choosing what you want to be when you grow up. Our whole society is geared toward freedom, rewarding hard work, of making sure everyone knows that their life is what they make of it and nothing--not one thing--can stand in the way of you getting what you want here in the United States...

I recently read on another blog that someone named jimmybob said:

In my personal experience, I don't think I've ever encountered a homosexual that didn't choose that lifestyle (by their own admission) before coming to the conclusion that they were born that way.
I'll just say jimmybob has pretty eyes and refrain from making jokes about what a name like "jimmybob" brings to mind (although I'm suddenly hungry for southern fried chicken...)

It's grates really hard that some things are very much beyond our own control (perhaps speaking to the psychological need for a god-figure in the minds of many). Barring "acts of god" like tornadoes, earthquakes, hurricanes, and such, there are other things like hair color, eye color, skin color, predispositions to genetic diseases... This list could actually go on for quite some time, but another one to add to the list would be "homosexuality."

Now, don't read TOO much into that--I'm sure there is a fair share of people in the world who actually choose to be attracted to the same- or opposite-sex. No, I'm actually talking about those in the world like me--born-and-bred, dyed-in-the-wool homosexuals who had little say in what their body was telling them they needed. Much like food, water, oxygen, and endless reruns of Mama's Family, there are just some things your body won't let you do without, some physical, some psychological, and all necessary if you like life to go on for yourself as an individual...

I was in the self-loathing boat for years! It affected friendships, family-ships--not to mention that 3-hour tour? Ruined. Seriously, I was drowning in a sea of despair, crafted by ill-held beliefs instilled into me from childhood on. Every time I tried to run from it, I only became a more miserable person. I know I've told you all about this before, dear reader, so we'll forgo the primrose path of Suicide Alley and simply point out what jimmybob seems to think is some type of hypocrisy, or at the very least a contradiction...

Make no mistake, I was both born gay and chose to be gay, although these did not come as a package deal and the free set of Ginsu knives was lost by the postal service. There wasn't a time in my life that I didn't know I wasn't like my brothers, irregardless of what I thought was their reckless abandonment of personal safety as they forged through the deepest parts of the woods behind our house, tackled each other in games of football, and wrestled each other for control of the Nintendo controller--all of which I engaged in, although my heart wasn't in it (which explains why I always sucked at the endeavors...)

However, I paraded on and (insert long story here: __________________), the long and short of it is, not only was I born a homosexual (or, if you prefer to think there's some merit to the pseudo-science of conversion therapy, I was born with a predisposition to homosexuality), I chose to embrace this part of myself, not only for my own mental and physical well-being, but so that I could thrive as a person and become who I am today--the not-so-wealthiest-man-on-earth with the best husband in the world. I both was born, and I also chose.

I can't say this pertains to all homosexuals (much like my mother couldn't possible speak for all the hetero's in the world longing for a Straight-Pride Parade), but I know it most likely resonates with a lot of them. The decision to come out wasn't necessarily something to do for shits and giggles as much as it was for my life. Could I have survived? Perhaps, although I doubt it. But I could never have thrived living life as a straight man, and not only would I have suffered, the woman I would have ended up marrying, and any children that may have resulted from such a mismatch would have suffered even more (and not only because I would have been the better-dressed of the married pair...).

Having made the choice to be honest with myself and with others has allowed me to thrive and grow in more ways than I could have imagined, and I know I am better for it. You may not agree, of course, as is your "right" to do so, but before you hop on the anti-gay band wagon and proclaim "another sin celebrated by world without god," I ask of you only this: Have you walked a mile in my shoes? I know I've tried walking in yours, and it left me sore with blisters, infection, and weariness in my bones... All I ask is now that you try on mine...

Right after you get treated for that case of athlete's foot you're so proud of...

4 comments:

Kel said...

Wait--you put Mama's Family on the same list as water and food? O-kaaay.

I personally don't think sexuality is something that anyone chooses since it's biological. I don't remember choosing anything, just feeling things and going from there.

Plus it begs the question, why would it matter anyway? Chosen or not, why does it matter who someone else loves?

That said, you and your honey are more in love than most of the hetero people I know! So you obviously choose well when you choose. :)

elj377 said...

Well written, though I agree with the previous commenter on the Mama's Family line...but whatever floats your boat!

mom said...

hello jason! i did not know i was wanting a straight pride parade. and if i did it has to be nice weather! i do not understand why people want to go to a parade in the coldest time of the year to watch anything going up and down a road! especially if a tv camera is filming it all! well, anyway, this piece reminds me of the porter wagner song a satisfied mind. great song. but after being with tj yesterday and listening to johnny cash for a bit while painting the house he felt he should be drinking instead of painting. i just shake my head since you kids did not get the brain washing part down with this great country music. such a sad day. and you think you have it bad with being gay back in the day. :) be around none loving country music people that think kenny rogers is country! now thats sad. :) love and prayers ps i listened to people that sounds like they needed a cough drop to heal the throat! heavens to betsy they did not sound like they enjoyed life that much either! it was like death metal or something. talk about needing to see dr. phil! they sound like they needed a session. i did enjoy dream theater. i was surprised but it was pretty good. not that i am going out there to buy any of the music. i am still very country with the rebel flag a flying high!

mom said...

hello jason! i did not know i was wanting a straight pride parade. and if i did it has to be nice weather! i do not understand why people want to go to a parade in the coldest time of the year to watch anything going up and down a road! especially if a tv camera is filming it all! well, anyway, this piece reminds me of the porter wagner song a satisfied mind. great song. but after being with tj yesterday and listening to johnny cash for a bit while painting the house he felt he should be drinking instead of painting. i just shake my head since you kids did not get the brain washing part down with this great country music. such a sad day. and you think you have it bad with being gay back in the day. :) be around none loving country music people that think kenny rogers is country! now thats sad. :) love and prayers ps i listened to people that sounds like they needed a cough drop to heal the throat! heavens to betsy they did not sound like they enjoyed life that much either! it was like death metal or something. talk about needing to see dr. phil! they sound like they needed a session. i did enjoy dream theater. i was surprised but it was pretty good. not that i am going out there to buy any of the music. i am still very country with the rebel flag a flying high!