Why We Don't Call Him Dr. God...

Notwithstanding the creation of a being created self-aware (hello Adam and Steve!) and then told quite explicitly were they to avoid learning in any way, shape or form by eating of a fruit laden with knowledge (makes eating a Flintstone's vitamin every morning seem rather empty and unfulfilling, doesn't it?), it continually boggles my mind how many people believe in a literal creation account as written in Genesis. Boggles my frickin' mind...

Regardless, it comes to mind that we (both the believers and the heathens) must ponder briefly, how intelligent is this supposed being that a great portion of our population looks to for answers? I mean, if 70 to 90% of the American population believes in and looks to this being for guidance, shouldn't there be some type of "No God Left Behind" system in place to make sure he knows what he's doing? Keeping up with his own education? Working to improve himself as well as the lives of those around, or (as the case may be), beneath, and above him?

There's a reason we don't call him Dr. God, and it isn't because Oprah won't give him a daytime TV slot. Let's look at some of his accomplishments and see if he's really deserving of all this praise and hoopla, shall we?

1. He had only one major publication. (... unless your a member of the Mormon church...)

2. Some doubt he even wrote it himself. (How many authors again?)

3. It was in Hebrew and Greek. (Continuity not his strong suit...)

4. It had no references. (... except itself...)

5. It wasn't published in a respectable, referenced journal. (Not even in part...)

6. It may be true that he created the world (and then dedicated his whole book to it), but what has he done since then?

7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. (If it can be said he cooperated with anyone at all, except with Satan on poor Job...)

8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. (Mainly due to the fact that he doesn't say how he did it, and he did most of it without witnesses, notes, or a controlled environment...)

9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects. (Probably his largest oversight to date.)

10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. (And then wrote about it, as if proud of his sado-masochistic tendencies...)

11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. (Because smiting solves everything...)

12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book (and none of them could agree on what they were reading, or what it meant...)

13. Some say he had his son teach the class. (And he graduated from what university again?)

14. He expelled his first two students for learning. (Marvelous teaching skills when he chose to show up for class...)

15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. (Usually the sign of a bad teacher...)

16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top. (Poor Moses...)

17. No record of working well with colleagues. (Some say he killed all of them, too!)

18. He's exhibits signs of a multiple personality disorder. (One god, yet three, eh? Someone isn't taking their meds...)

19. It is a well-documented fact that he abused his kid. (And again, seemed quite proud of it...)

20. He has a god-complex. (Probably caused by his father not hugging him enough as a child...)

Need we say more? If this were the leader of any nation in the world, let alone the teacher of the fifth grade at your local school, he'd have been strung up and quartered just for number 15 alone! But added up all together?

There's a reason we don't call him Dr. God... At least twenty of them...

How many can you think of, dear reader?