Friday, April 25, 2008

"That's Why God Made Curtains..."

So come the great words of wisdom from my mother. Ironically, my sister was just blogging about some of Mom's more colorful colloquialisms (among which is "The only good snake is dead snake...on a boot..."), and tonight on the phone, Mom decided to grace me with one as well.

It was about my pine tree. I happen to have lost one tree recently (that's one, one tree--ah, ah, ah, ah, ah...) due to the democratic process that is now my side yard. For years I have successfully fended off a certain someone from destroying the one bit of natural evergreen between my living room window and the neighbors bedroom window... Until a certain someone got whiff of the fact that the neighbors also weren't fond of a certain evergreen... The rest, as you can guess, is history... (minus a voting booth...)

On a very small, very slight upside, we can now use the cobblestone sidewalk that runs down between our houses... I know, "Big whoop." I agree. I'd rather have the evergreen.

So now when I look out my window, it is not green I see, but a stump and my neighbor's bedroom windows. And that's when wisdom spewed from my mother's mouth:
Mom: Well, that's why God made curtains!
Me: What?
Mom: That's why God made curtains! (She says this as if she's Ed McMahon handing me a check for three million dollars...)
Me: Was this before or after he created the light? Or--wait, is this how he separated the light from the dark...? I see, right there in Genesis, "And he separated the light from the dark with something in a floral print, not too gaudy, not too tacky, but juuuuuust riiiight...., and it was good. And the evening and the morning were the first day... Only he couldn't tell, because the material he picked was apparently 'Blackout' style, and thus woke up late on Day Two. This was not-so-good."
Mom: You are so bad!
Perhaps. But I'm still down one pine tree and a ton of privacy, even if that privacy was all in my head. I mean, let's face it, as far as barriers go, it was no Great Wall, but it was something, you know?

I just can't believe my tree, my beautiful pine tree, is gone...
Rose: You know how it is when you can't believe something.
Dorothy: Yes, I can't believe Alan Thicke has a hit series, but that doesn't mean it isn't so.


Sylvia said...

Oh Ja. We do indeed come from a nice gene pool. =)
I loved this blog. It made me laugh.
Anywho...I plan on using all these fun little antecdotes on my offspring. Just so she has something to amuse herself with in the future.
I love the internet. I guess that's why God made computers. LOL

full of wisdom mom said...

hello jason! i think i should be on that quote thing on the side of the opening page of this blog thing. :) i have better quotes than the people you have there now and you don't have to think about so much! thats how good i think my quotes are. :) :) i got a pile of them. one day years and years and years from now i will be a legend. i think i am now. :) the other great quote people are your uncles. scott and kip are just great at this quote stuff also! it runs in the family. you will also do this i am sure as you get OLD! i think i will write a book with all my words of wisdom. the title will be 'QUOTE EVERY DAY FROM MOM'(maybe i will throw in 2 quotes on special days.). best seller i am sure. look out good morning america! love and prayers and wisdom to you :)

STB said...

I've already started a quote book because I am fortunate enough to have such talented any creative (and yes some crazy) people in my life.
Though I mourn the loss of your pretty private pine tree, we can grind it down and make recyclable paper. With said paper your mom can put together a "Quote a Day Keeps the Doctor Away" calendar. I would buy at least three or four!