And unlike those pesky "10 commandments," mine are chiseled into 1's and 0's on hard drives up and down the Eastern seaboard. So if, while vacationing in Aruba, I happen to come across my people worshipping a golden calf made from jewelry, I need not smash those plans of stone and end up doubling my workload by starting from scratch... Thank goodness for the Internet! Oh, and, of course, confirmation numbers consisting of at least 7 letters and 12 numbers randomly thrown together in what companies hope is a professional-looking pattern...
I wonder if Moses would have even bothered, knowing what the future held?
Ah, who cares, right? I'M GOING TO ARUBA!!!!! In 12 short weeks, I will be on white sands, swimming in clear water, and utilizing my brand new passport for the first time EVER!
God: Moses, I need you to take some notes.
Moses: "Notes"? Do I look like a secretary?
God: Listen you bearded doof, I have some very important things to say, and since no one else would climb the mountain, and I dare not come down for fear of a nasty sunburn in the desert, it's you or nothing! Now grab a stone. Something flat we can carve a nice border outline onto... I'm thinking roses!
Moses: You know, if you just hold off for another two thousand years or so...
God: Hey! I'm in charge here!
Moses: I'm just saying... If one thousand years here is as a day to you... See where I'm going with this?
God: No, not really...
Moses: Just take a nap, take in a movie, get Holy Casper out of the house for a nice long weekend, and before you know it--BAM! No need to carve a stone, you can just--Zing! Everyone gets a copy!
God: I could do that now, you know...
Moses: Will you, please?
God: No... I don't wanna...
Moses: I'm going to regret this... (Grabs some limestone and a an iron dagger...)
God: "Dear Israelites; Being an awesome dude, I feel you don't give me enough props... To that end, I decree that you shall have no other gods before me." How's that for a start?
Moses: I'm still trying to carve a "D" for crying out loud! Slow down!
God: So... You're saying we could be here a while, yeah?
Moses: It will feel like a thousand years...
Begin the countdown...
1 comment:
If you come across someone named Joran, don't go on the beach with him and drink until you blackout.
On second thought, try not to do that with anyone. Do it in the comfort of your hotel room. :)
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