Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Here's Your Sign...

You recall my recent post about the silly signs that the Lutheran church puts up, don't you? (Here.) Well, seems there's a church in New England who is above all that witty sloganing and just goes right for the jugular... Kind of a "What Would Jesus Post" type of thing. Not content to let the supposed ethereal existence of the Holy Spirit work it's fairy magic on the conscious of the American people, they have conferred upon themselves Holy Casper status in an attempt to place the guilt on you that Holy Spirit can't seem to make happen much these days. (Note to god: take your ad off Craig's List... your replacement ghost is in New England...) It would make those damn Puritans from Plymouth Rock proud, don't ya think?

The New England Baptist Church has placed upon their "announcement board" some of these real winners in the past:

Just makes you want to go out and vote Republican, doesn't it? I mean, if one of sky god's very own places of holy worship says we can have Republicans and stop our teenage daughters from committing "murder," well then, it's a happy Sunday all around, wouldn't you say?

This same church reportedly had a sign posted just a few short weeks ago that proclaimed, "If we didn't abort our children, the U.S. wouldn't have to hire illegals." Say it ain't so, Sparky. Really? May as well read, "If we still allowed slavery, we wouldn't need to hire illegals." I mean, it amounts to the same thing: Who cares if it's the blacks or the women's rights--it's all about keeping those dang Mexicans from having a better life!

Another winner the church apparently came up with when Hurricane Katrina hit was this humdinger:

Ahh... Nothing screams out the love of Jesus like blaming people for the weather, right? It almost puts the late Jerry Falwell to shame--all he could come up with was Katrina was punishment for "sexual perversion." (One wonders if Jerry's death was punishment for not saying straight out [no pun intended...] that it was the gay's fault. I know I personally blame the gays--not to mention the feminists--for his untimely departure from our earth...)

You can actually catch the pastor of the New England Baptist Church on CNN defending these signs on this video, where he appeared on CNN just today... One of the things he says in defense of his signs is the following:

"The church is going to be in conflict with a society that rejects the Bible and the truth of Jesus Christ our savior," he said in a recent interview. "So when people say the signs are controversial, we take that as a compliment."
Yes, it's much like when we tell you that you're having a good hair day--no wonder you equate abortion with illegal immigration! This dude is probably one of the master minds behind that stupid bumper sticker I saw recently that proclaimed "Abortion Leads to Breast Cancer." Uh-huh... And brushing your teeth leads to crab grass...

I was starting to wonder where they get these ridiculous notions when the pastor decided to clear it up for me:

He said various church members come up with the messages, which he approves and changes about once a week.
One wonders how many children got left behind in the town of Medford...
In other recent news, a crack-whore trainee commented about cult leaders and "pussy" on this post from October of 2006... I'd almost say I feel violated... I mean, who actually uses the word "pussy" on a gay man's blog? Isn't that a bit like singing "Amazing Grace" in a mosque?


FCSuper said...

Jason, I'm appalled. How can you have a church sign article without mentioning the Church Sign Generator!

I'm proud of my sign:

DaBich said...

You know...blaming the weather on God's anger makes me embarrassed to be a Christian.
How convenient!

Jason Hughes said...

FC: That is the collest thing EVER!! Thanks for the links!

Dabich: You, my dear Dabich, have no reason to be embarrassed--you exemplify your faith in splendid and wonderful ways, and could never be confused with rubish such as these folks...

DaBich said...

Awww, thanks Jason, you're all right =D