Wishing, and Hoping, and Planning, and Dreaming...

Remember when you were a child: you not only wrote to Santa Claus, but you actively defended the big guy on the playground, on the bus, and against any siblings who said otherwise. "He is real!" you would shout, and promptly plant your fist in the opposers' mouth. You would gather with your other believer friends, make wish lists, hope you were good enough to get that present you so desired, and knew Santa would understand you punching out your brother because, hey, he was saying Santa wasn't real! As if!?

You'd place cookies out with a tall glass of milk; you would listen so carefully for the sound of hoofs on your roof; that WHOMP! from the chimney that meant Santa's ass was on his way down to place a wealth of gifts to reward your good behavior, your sound judgment, your faith in his benevolence...

Some people never want to forget that magical childhood, even long after they've realized the futility of their faith; some people never realize their futility...

In just 5 days, May 28, 2007 (could someone double check that year for me?) the Creation Museum will open its doors and attempt to bring to life that special myth known as the bible. Yes, that bible. It vows to be the bastion of "literal Creation science" in a world of plagued by Satanic reasoning, which includes countless years of research, physical evidence, and methodical testing (damn that devil!!)

Ken Ham, a former science teacher (though not a scientist, which I assume is implied), is the ring-leader in this exercise of biblical DreamWorks. And DreamWorks isn't too far off the mark! One of the people they hired to make their fantastical exhibits is Patrick Marsh.

Patrick used to work at Universal Studios in Los Angeles. Then he saw the "truth," opened his heart and soul to Jesus, and was born again into idiocy.

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"The Bible is the only thing that gives you the full picture," he says. "Other religions don't have that, and, as for scientists, so much of what they believe is pretty fuzzy about life and its origins ... oh, this is a great place to work, I will tell you that."

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And what does Patrick mean by "the full picture" in reference to "life and its origins"? In reference to fossilized remains of early man-like creatures:

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"There are no such things. Humans are basically as you see them today. Those skeletons they've found, what's the word? ... they could have been deformed, diseased or something. I've seen people like that running round the streets of New York."(Source.)

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Because that doesn't sound fuzzy at all, does it? Yes, my dear reader: all the hundreds of thousands of fossils that we've uncovered are simply diseased and deformed New Yorkers... Brings new meaning to the red state/blue state divide, doesn't it? (Remind me to be thankful this bright bulb isn't still running loose on the streets...)

Of course, that isn't where the plethora of "experts" ends here at the Disneyland of Religious Cuckoos. Mark Looy (the "guide" and a vice president at the museum) is quick to name drop, uncontent to just let his "science" speak for itself:

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Looy rattles off the names of experts with doctorates, many of whom obtained degrees from mainstream universities. A creationist scientist, Kurt Wise, worked as a graduate student at Harvard with prominent biologist Stephen Jay Gould. (Something tells me he didn't take very good notes...) John Baumgardner of the Los Alamos National Laboratory became a well-regarded designer of computer models for planetary catastrophes (just as it was written, so shall it be: "And there shall be computer models in the end days...")
(Source.)

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One of the most notorious supporters of the museums' "fire-and-brimstone" creation science was the late Jerry Falwell:

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"When that museum is finished, it's going to be Cincinnati's No. 1 tourist attraction," says the Rev. Jerry Falwell, nationally known Baptist evangelist and chancellor of Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va. "It's going to be a mini-Disney World."
(Source.)

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Apparently even he knew how imaginary the place was going to be! Of course, this was most likely pure luck that Falwell happened to say something true for once... It had to happen eventually, right?

So what, you say, Who cares if a bunch of wing nuts want to pay homage to their imaginary god? No skin off normal people, right?

If only that were the case...

I think these next few blurbs say it better than I could:

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"When they try to confuse (kids) about what is science and what isn't science, scientists have an obligation to speak out," said Lawrence Krauss, an author and physics professor at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. "There's no doubt these are documented lies."
(Source.)

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"It's a giant step backward in science education," says Carolyn Chambers, chair of the biology department at Xavier University, which is operated by the Jesuit order of the Catholic church.
(Source.)

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"There are people who are prepared to accept that the universe is a pretty untidy place," said Ian Tattersall, a curator at the American Museum of Natural History. "And there are people, like the creationists, whose minds rebel at this notion."
(Source.)

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So, dear reader--would you like us to lead our kids down a road of ignorance? Prevent the United States from being a world leader in the fields of math, science, medicine, and technology? Support the "Creation" Museum! Let go of the faculties you think sky god gave you and embrace idiocy, ignorance, and imbecility. As one of the authors of their book rightly said, "It takes faith like a child." Perhaps Jesus was a little more sarcastic than we all grew up thinking? But that really is the crux, isn't it? A lot of us learned to think, and learn, and obtain knowledge... What did Ken Ham do?:

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"The Lord gave me a fire in my bones," Ham says. "The Lord has put this burden in my heart: You've got to get this information out."

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Someone should tell him they have antibiotics for that now... And about life in general? Ken says:

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You are dealing with an origins issue. If you don't have the information, you cannot be sure. Nothing contradicts the Bible's account of the origins.

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Uh-huh. Sure, yeah. It's just that all these fossils are diseased New Yorkers, right? And where does it say that in the bible again?

What is truly "inspirational," though, is the nude Adam and Eve. Instead of celebrating how sky god apparently intended us to be, some of the employees state:

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"He is appropriately positioned, so he can be modest. There will be a lamb or something there next to him. We are very careful about that: some of our donors are scared to death about nudity."

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Apparently not scared enough to stop procreating...

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The same will go for the scene where Eve is created out of Adam's rib, apparently, and parents will be warned that little children may be scared by the authenticity of some of the scenes. "Absolutely, because we are in there, being faithful to scripture."

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Yeah, it's the kids who are scared of the nudity. Must be why it's so hard to keep a two year old in his clothes, right? They're scared. Of course, this statement, and the logic it employs, goes a long, long way to the flawed logic they're employing elsewhere in the "museum."

And guess what? The stated "purpose" of the museum really isn't about learning (as if this, too, weren't obvious...). By the curator's own words:

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"If the Bible is the word of God (That's a pretty big "if" there, Ken...), and its history really is true (Why do you sound as if you're second-guessing yourself? Guilty conscience?), that’s our presupposition or axiom, and we are starting there (ass-backwards, in the face of all that is real and makes sense)," museum founder Ken Ham said during recent tour of the sleek and modern facility, which is due to open next year.
[...]
"People will get saved here," Ham said of the museum. (It's really great when a "museum" is focused on religion, isn't it? Sky god bless America!! Who needs education when you have JESUS!! [Holy Casper, Sky Father, and Virgin Mother who was never naked sold separately; batteries not included; doll will not rise from the dead; dolls not anatomically correct for fear of scaring children...])
[...]
"We admit we have an axiom: We have a book and it's the Bible and it's revealed history," says Ham. "Where the Bible teaches on science (as it is written so it shall be: "And there will neutrons, and rumors of electrons and protons, and deformed men will be seen as "history"...), we can trust it as the word of God."

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So much for "truth," right? Another "endorser" of the false science of creationism is John Morris, president of the Institute for Creation Research in San Diego. Under-utilizing his brain in newly unfathomable ways, Mr. Morris has said:

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"Americans just aren't gullible enough to believe that they came from a fish."

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In addition to under-utilizing his faculties, he also vastly underestimates the stupidity of the people of this country... It's amazing how he manages to use the same number of brain cells as a guppy, but refuses to see how he may be related to one...

I just can't wait until society is evolved enough that one day, we'll build a museum about their museum, and be amazed at the ignorance of this dead, extinct people...

Of course, that's just me making a wish list for Santa...