Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Surprise, Surprise, The Church is Tellin' Lies...

Of course, we all know they've been doing this for centuries... With the stealing of "Christmas," the usurpation of "Easter," and the whole tragic "virgin birth" gone awry, it seems a church in Ethiopia (you know, that glory-hole of knowledge and wisdom in Africa?) claims it's holy water can cure HIV/AIDS. And imagine, we've been spending money on trying to find drugs to treat and cure the disease... Who knew?

Yes, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. It seems that once we take away women's empowerment, don't teach about safe sex and birth control, and let sky god "take control" instead of educating man kind about how to build a better life for himself, sexually transmitted diseases run rampant. And the very problem the "pro-lifers" and "abstinence only" cheer-leaders created come running once more to the rescue with another "truth" from sky god to "cure man kinds problems" (never minding that the church created half the problems, and the other half they lied about so they could control your every move, thought, and breath).

From the article:

The church, more than a hundred years old and 10,000 feet above sea level, overlooks the city of Abbis Ababa and a stream that the church contends is holy.

Father Geberemedhen told Woods that the desperate supplicants who come there cannot take HIV/AIDS drugs.

"We don't allow patients to take medication if they want to receive holy water," he said.
Medicine? Bshaw!! What were we thinking? Medicine to cure and treat illnesses? Teaching women how to say no, and take measures to prevent pregnancies? Telling people how to prevent disease? Helping women take control of their lives?!? Good God, no wonder we need Jesus!!!

Here's how the Ethiopian priests give Jesus to the masses:

Plastic jerry cans are filled with water from a pool, and passed along a human chain to priests dressed like deep-sea fishermen in bright-yellow protective rain gear.

They hurl the water over the mass of people kneeling in front of them who shriek and scream, either through devotion or the simple shock of the cold water hitting their naked flesh.

Some cried out for the demons to leave their body, while priests hit them with wooden crosses. Many of them clutched their babies while the water was is shaken from the plastic containers.
Ah, yes, the masses screaming as the demons are driven out--but, ironically, the AIDS virus is left behind... Guess that God isn't as all-powerful as they'd like to think, eh? (but we knew that...)

Makes you wonder how the priest came up with the idea anyway, doesn't it? Watching too much 700 Club with his bunny ears? Or listening to Robertson saying how Jesus should kill Venezuelans... Maybe it was a vision that came to the priest that the dirty ditch with water could be made "pure" and cure disease? A white dove landing on his shoulder and shitting? A ray of sunlight streaming through some stained glass? Oh, I know! Prayer and meditation! I imagine their conversation went something like this:

GOD: Father Geber... Geberem... What does this say?
Holy Casper: Geberemedhen.
GOD: Well, that's not English! Where is that in the King James?
HC: [shrugs.]
GOD: Father!
Priest: Here am I, Lord! What does thou wishest of me?
GOD: Listen, this whole AIDS thing you guys can't seem to keep under wraps. What are you all doing about that?
Priest: We teach the abstinence.
GOD: And?
Priest: We do not allow the women to speak--we keep them subject to their husbands.
GOD: Err...
Priest: We do not allow them to know about the condoms and other worldly things that would keep them from reproducing, as is your command.
GOD: You know, I never actually said--
Priest: And we beat the children with the rod, as you commanded, O great God in the Sky!
GOD: About that--
Priest: We teach about your son's blood, and it's cleansing powers--
GOD: Yeah, um, that metaphor has been--
Priest: --and how wrong will be punished with eternal hell fires! We teach--
GOD: Hell is actually more for Satan, my evil twin brother...
Priest: --how a simple prayer and baptism will give eternal life! And cleanse of their sins, much like the leprosy in Jesus time--
GOD: That, too, was a simple story that got way out of hand in the retelling--
Priest: --and how the blood washes away the dirt and sins of the world--
GOD: All you need is a good bath to get rid of dirt... And some Tide if it's in the clothes. That Shout stuff works pretty good on my whites. Gets them their whitest! But, listen, we're off-topic here...
Priest: You wish me to bathe? Get white?
GOD: No, that's not--
Priest: Oh, yes, like John the Baptist! Eat the locust! Bless the water! I see, my Lord!
GOD: I don't think you do--
Priest: Sorry, must go! Have AIDS to cure!
GOD: Father Gerber? Hello?
Holy Casper: Sorry, God, the line has been disconnected. For $1.25, I can redial the number...?
GOD: Why bother? It all gets lost in translation anyway...
Sadly, it isn't the only thing people have lost when it comes to the imaginary playmates for adults in today's day and age... When will churches stop preying on the poor and uneducated? When will they start helping? Their own book speaks of putting away childish things (imaginary friends, perhaps?), but instead they spread myths, lies, and ultimately diseases, pestilence, and death...

While claiming to pedal life...

1 comment:

FCSuper said...

I agree that the Church should know better. For myself, I wouldn't be so hard on them. There is still a lot of superstition rampant in many parts of Africa, and that finds its way into the Church. This event is more of a condemnation of African superstition than Christianity itself.