Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Accept This My Sacrifice, O Porcy, In Thine Mercy...

So after a great weekend in Maryland, I spent most of Sunday night and most of Monday paying my respects to the Porcelain God. I don't know if it was something I ate or just something picked up by strangers somewhere on our cross-state trek, but I felt like I was dying for about 12 hours there...

Of course, Porcy (the Porcelain God) neither complained nor commented about my worthy sacrifices placed upon his altar, whether from one end or the other, and I suppose for that I am grateful--at least I don't have to worry about being slain by my brother because Porcy perhaps liked his sacrifices better than mine, or vice versa!!

No, Porcy took it all in stride and lent me his cool, calming surface to rest my head on, lean on with my forearms, or rest my weary butt on, no matter what time of night or day it happened to be.

Please accept this worthy sacrifice, O Porcy, and may it be pleasing unto thee. Take my pork chops, the double-quarter pounder from Micky D's, the tater-tots that were fried just so. Please accept the ice cream, the almond-chocolate Hershey bar, O great Porcy, and the half gallon of ice tea with lemon flavoring, if thine so please. May they be pleasing unto thee, whether offered from ass or face, and may it be a joy unto you in thy great porcelain-iness...

It reminds me of a portion of Monty Python & the Holy Grail,

A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
Ah, good times, great fun... I think I'm going to have to watch that movie again now that I've quoted it!

Coming soon-- "Secret Treasures of the Mobil Station"... or something along those lines...

2 comments:

mom said...

hello jason! i am sorry you felt so terrible. stuff is going around and i blame it on the weather. but i am finding out that alot of my thoughts about sickness and what not is very old school. :) you know i didn't have really any bad colds or anything that bad for at least 5 years until this year and i again blame why i got sick because of the weather. :) i don't want to hear about the germs that gave it to me just that weather was wierd. :) :) but anyway this is just my old brain and i really want to know if you ever found your glasses? rich called here to look them down for you but i suggested he call his brother to see if you left them down there. also, maybe in your car? well, i hope you find them. well, enjoy your weekend this weekend since i know you mentioned you need a quiet weekend. i promise i will not call you at all unless someone decides to make this weekend the weekend they are going to kick the bucket! :) and if whoever is not close to us i won't bother you. i understand when we need the quiet. since i need that also at times. you get that from me. :) love and prayers

Anonymous said...

this blog is whacked!