Wednesday, December 6, 2006

The Rights of the People...

Did you know you have a "right" to garbage pick-up?

So I forgot to pay my garbage bill for this quarter--no biggie, actually; they just sent a friendly reminder that I need to send in my $54 for this quarter or my garbage will stop being picked up by the end of this year. But in this nice, friendly lettered notice, there's a thingie at the bottom that looks like one of those things they put on everybody's bill. You know the kind, where they say things like on your cable bill where it says "It is illegal to steal cable."

Well, it says on the bottom of the notice:

Please note that it is illegal to set your garbage out with another addressee's garbage. Those who are found to be setting their garbage out with another persons garbage shall have their right to garbage pick-up revoked and shall be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
A few things come to mind:
  1. When did "garbage pick-up service" become a right?
  2. Do they actually pay people to spy on the home owners who pay for garbage service to see who sets what bags out where?
  3. Who is the genius who actually got caught "sharing" garbage pick-up, and subsequently got caught?
"Rights" is a term people throw around these days like a bunch of wadded up toilet tissue: "My rights were violated because ______ (insert grievous misjustice here: i.e., "my dog was hit by a car"; "I was fired for being 5 minutes late every day"; "People aren't saying Merry Christmas, they're saying Happy Holidays") Now, granted, there are a lot of rights violations that go on these days, and not just because of the current occupant of the White House (although he has never helped). But a "right to garbage pick-up"? I'm just wondering who their lawyer is that thought up that great notice! Can you hear the board meeting for that one?

Garbage Company Regional Supervisor: How do we get people to not only want their garbage to be picked up, but to cherish the fact that their garbage gets picked up?
Office Manager: We could promise over-night delivery of their garbage to the nearest landfill, couldn't we?
GCRS: I suppose, but that's pretty much what we do now...
Secretary of Waste: How about coupons to Dunkin' Doughnuts? All those Styrofoam coffee cups will keep us in business for years.
GCRS: That's why we suppress environmental impact reports... No, we need something... Big. Something huge.
Lawyer: How about making it a 'rights violation'?
GCRS: Yes! That's it! Make the people believe they have a right to garbage pick-up! That, up until now, the competition has been withholding a right when they deny a customer! That's excellent!
Ahh,the silliness of life. It almost makes you think a fundie is running the garbage company, doesn't it?

Of course, now I'm wondering if it really is illegal to split your garbage bill with your neighbor... I mean, why would it be? (Hint: To make sure the companies get to screw everyone equally.) Ahh, that's it! That's the way America works, isn't it? As long as corporations get to screw everyone equally by getting laws passed that say you must get this type of insurance, or you must purchase such-and-such or you are in violation of the law. When did this become a country of "By the corporations, for the corporations"? Why does Congress have a hard time passing a tax-relief bill for the middle class but oil companies still get billions in tax breaks every year--even while the past two years they've had record profits at our expense!!!

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark--and it ain't the garbage either...

By the way, I hope you'll all join me in welcoming this blog's latest contributor, Ms. Bea Dickson! She recently came to my attention while I was checking my e-mail earlier today, and, as other great church ladies of the past, such as "The Church Lady" from SNL and Ms. Betty Bowers, she may or may not be a regular contributor on this blog. Give her a hearty welcome when you get a chance. Her first post is just below this one.

Catch ya later!

8 comments:

Darkmind said...

Ah yes, the right to garbage collection. I think it is in the twenty eighth amendment as follows:

The MAN shall have power to collect garbage from domiciles, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several states, with regard to census or enumeration. The rights of the people to have garbage taken from thier curb shall not be denied or abridged unless they have been deemed a slacker through nonpayment for service. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

brandon said...

um, who cares about your garbage -just pay the bill and get a life!

Jason Hughes said...

Darkmind: Hey, that's pretty good! You shoul dhave been a lawyer, perhaps, or even afounding father! :D

Bitter Brandon: You cared enough to say so, didn't you? What is that phrase? "One man's trash is another man's treasure..." So I dedicate this post to you, Bitter Brandon--my trash as your treasure. Glad you enjoyed it so!

Darkmind said...

Well any good "global dictator in training" should have at least general knowledge of how governments work...

mom said...

hello jason! this is mom and this is not for you as much as for brandon. i left a message for you on the blog below this i do hope you read. the love of God in your typing does not come out at all in your typing. i am a fundie and i would never type to anyone the way you type. do you care about people at all? if i was not a child of God myself i for sure would not want to be one if you are the example. well, darkmind, you made me laugh with your comment. on the garbage thing, well, they are doing a good service. i really don't know how they would know if you and someone else is splitting the bill. garbage policemen and now i should say heavens to betsy policeperson are watching i am sure! :) don't you know any dumpster that you can fill? but wait that is against garbage rules to. :) well, love and prayers and prayers especially for you brandon

brandon said...

Mom, thanks for the prayers on my behalf, but this comment is not from me - not the same brandon - i just replied to the comment on the other post - i didnt even read the garbage post until right now - must be alot of brandons - it is actually my last name and not my first..........

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, $54 a quarter... you could save $216 a year simply by waiting until your neighbors are asleep and slipping a couple of bags on the neighbor's curb while you're walking Hawthorne. That's 216 dollar drafts! Just kidding, of course.

Ann said...

crap, that wasn't supposed to be anonymous