Tuesday, August 22, 2006

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Xmas...

Okay, okay, maybe not quite yet. I do think the retail giants to start the season a bit early, don't you? I mean, whatever happened to Halloween and Thanksgiving? How are we supposed to celebrate witches and serial killers and demons, followed by the slaughter of our lands native people if, right after Labor Day, we start celebrating toys and snow?
But that's not the reason for today's rant, though. It seems the ever-moronic AFA has sent out an "Action Alert" that Sam's Club has come down on the side of "Holiday" instead of "Christmas" for their holiday ads this year--I know! Perish the thought, dear god, you mean they're willing to respect everyone's celebratory beliefs by saying "Holiday" instead of "Christmas"? How American of them! Let's see, how did they word it? Oh yes:

Even though it is August, the Christmas advertising season has already begun and Sam's Club has come down on the side of "Holidays" instead of "Christmas." (Gasp! Isn't that a sign of the coming tribulation?!? Honey, where is my Rapture Kit! I feel Jesus is a'comin' right soon! Did you hear about Sam's Club??)

In the August/September issue of their in-house magazine Source, Sam's Club has one page dedicated to Christmas. But Sam's Club doesn't refer to Christmas as being Christmas. Sam's Club promotes it as "Holidays." (No time for the Rapture Kit, dear! Quick, make the kids repent now! There isn't much time!!)

On page 69 of Source, the promotional plug says: "Coming soon. Plan ahead for the holidays." On the page decorated in Christmas fashion are three products. Sam's Club wants you to buy "Holiday Cards," "Holiday Ribbon," and "Holiday Gift Bags." (Noooo!!! Not the ribbon too!!! Honey, grab the "Christmas Ribbon" and string it outside, quick!! Have the kids repented yet? Have them help with actual "Christmas Cards" too! None of that "Holiday" shit! Oh God, I just said shit!! Damn you Wal-Mart!!!!!)

On the "Christmas" page, the word Christmas isn't used! View the page ad. (I think my left arm is going numb... Honey, do we have Christmas Aspirin??)

On June 26, AFA wrote Wal-Mart (which owns Sam's Club) asking that they not ban "Christmas" in advertising and promotions. Included in that letter was a CD with the names of 201,595 individuals who signed the petition asking for no ban. Wal-Mart, ignoring the letter, did not even bother to respond. (Everything getting black... Momma? Is that you? Has God heard about Wal-Mart and Sam's Club yet?)

Take Action (Sorry, Momma, I hafta go back to my body! The AFA has called for Action to prevent this perversion of December 25th!!! Give my regards to St. Paul, though, and tell him we're gonna defend Christmas on earth just like he would want!!)

It is very important that as many as possible send an email to Sam's Club. Since this is the first Christmas ad we have seen, we will notify major retailers of the number of emails sent. Perhaps our efforts will encourage other companies not to ban "Christmas." (Oh! Honey, boot up the computer! No, not the one we bought from Best Buy! They're "Holidayers" too! Use Pastor Dave's old computer! Ignore the porn sites I saved on there earlier!)

After you have sent your email, please forward this to your family and friends and invite them to help us "keep Christ in Christmas." Share this information with members of your church and Sunday School. (You got it, AFA! Me and the family will have NO holiday ribbons, gifts, OR a "Holiday" nativity! If it don't say "Christ" on it somewhere, it's of Satan!!!)
Of course, it's posts like this that the AFA would love to also call a boycott on, but that is an honor I feel I will never be bestowed. God, it would be an honor just to be mentioned in their board meetings as a possible target of their boycotts. Let's see, how would my speech go?

I would like to start by thanking Satan, for clouding my mind and my genitalia to the god-given purpose of "Dicks Are For Chicks." I would also like to thank the many fundamentalists who have worked so hard to make sure word of my blog spread so people wouldn't visit my blog! You have been true tools--and I mean that in more ways than one from the bottom of my heart! I'd like to thank my agent, Beelzebub, for working long into the night planting dinosaur bones as a tool to lure people away from believing in Creation and into Evolution... And finally, to Rich, for being an evil homosexual who lured me into this hell of an existence. I couldn't have done it without you, babe! And to my many loyal readers, unknowing pawns of the Dark Lord, who, just by reading, have made many more say "Holiday" this year, instead of keeping the Christ in "Christmas." Thank you again, and to those who were in the running with me: Ford, Wal-Mart, Victoria's Secret--(What? You mean they aren't being boycotted even for baring their unmentionables all over the TV during prime time? Maybe next year, Vicky!)--and the many others like Kraft and Proctor & Gamble, who were also nominated for boycotting this year! I can only hope they make you as successful as they've made Disney when they boycotted them!
I also wonder what the statuette would look like? Perhaps a small devil holding a spear in platinum? I always had a thing for brushed gold though... Although I rather like this one...

Sigh.

It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
Everywhere I go...

Dammit.

Even though it's only August, I hope you all have Happy Holidays and Rotten Christmas's!!! (But good Xmas's!!!) :D

12 comments:

DaBich said...

LOL...I'm one of the population who prefers "Christmas" to holidays. But after reading this, I have to laugh.
I'll still say Mery Christmas, tho
:P

good mom said...

Christmas is about Christs birth, so what else would we call it? If you dont like the name - just forget about it and it will be like any other day to you. You seem to be all about equality and rights - shut up and quit griping about Christ in Christmas - its my right to say Christmas and you have NO right to complain!

Jason Hughes said...

Um, you obviously don't know what complaining is...

I like celebrating Christmas as much as the next person, though not for the same reasons as you apparently.

It's a time of getting together, appreciating family, showing love, sharing food, memories, laughs, and pretty lights...

I'm complaining that the AFA seems to think Christmas is the only holiday around this time of year, and to celebrate anything else, in there opinion, doesn't matter as much as their holiday, which is just plain silly.

Hanukah, Kwanza, and a host of other countries and celebrations happen at this time of year, and it's not because Jesus was born then... If that's what you truly believe, I would suggest an in-depth study as to Roman Census ties and matters, and as to when Jesus was most likely born...

I DO have a right to complain about the silliness of it all. Tough shit for you, I suppose.

You do have the right to say Christmas, and I will support that right. What I will NOT support is a whole scale battle against corporations (who are only out to make money and could care less if Jesus was born or not on that particular day [which he most likely wasn't]) to get them to say "Christmas" and shun their other markets of holiday celebrants...

Use your brain good mom. It ain't all about Christ. It ain't all about your beliefs... It's about everyone's.

Thanks for stopping by.

DaBich said...

::waving::

Hi jason!!

Scribe has a new post at G vs. D

Jason Hughes said...

Well, Dabich, you certainly are getting around aren't you?

::waves back::

I even heard you were --cheating-- on the God V Darwin sight!! Tsk tsk tsk!!

:)

And FYI, I would wish you back a very Merry Christmas!

DaBich said...

::gasp:: cheating? No way. Generating more traffic, that's what I was doing ;)

Happy Holidays, Jason :)

gena said...

You are just like every other gay male I have ever known - you gripe and whine - I dont know why you call yourselves gay - there is nothing happy about you.

Jason Hughes said...

So you call me bitchy and whiney by being bitchy and whiney about my bitchiness? (And, the curiosity is killing me, where is the whining at? Or is that you projecting?)

You sound like a real winner, gena.

I do believe you win the award for being the first to tell me I'm a typical gay, though. It makes me proud to be recognized as one of my people. And something tells me, from your overall attitude, you have been found wanting among my people. I'm sorry we're having fun while you feel bitter and left out. Perhaps if you found something useful to contribute to the discussion instead of stereotyping?

Otherwise, I will continue skipping down this primrose path called life, wondering why everyone thinks I'm unhappy simply because I call all the fundie bluffs and tell it like it is. Telling it like it is, incidentally, has made me happier than I've ever been in my "nice as pie" days... Of course, as Darkmind and Dabich pointed out in Something Fundie This Way Comes, I have a long way to go in being meaner...

But thanks for sharing your (dubious) thoughts, and feel free to stop by anytime...

DaBich said...

Gena, did someone one pee on your cereal this morning?

mom said...

hello jason!! i agree with your post on this merry christmas and happy holidays stuff!! i feel this is really getting out of hand with all these stores starting in aug. in getting stuff out and telling every one where they are taking the stand on what to say! like i always have done since i was old enough to remember in using either merry christmas or happy holidays, whatever hits me at the time i say it. if someone says something about it i will smile and say i am sorry if they feel i said something wrong and complain to you! :) i know you will listen. :) the only thing i like about a store getting things out early is for craft projects if you are making something for people but than again you can get these things after christmas on SALE! also, i would like to tell gena that she doesn't really understand you at all. you are a far cry from being typical anything! i feel you have opened a middle aged God fearing womans mind up by bringing things up that do need to be brought up. i might not agree with everything you say but you do have a way of making people think about things to search out there minds and hearts. keep it up! love and prayers ps i also think your comments to people show respect while letting them know you don't like what they say. thats a good thing. i must of did something right! :)

Jason Hughes said...

Well, Dabich, you certainly are getting around aren't you?

::waves back::

I even heard you were --cheating-- on the God V Darwin sight!! Tsk tsk tsk!!

:)

And FYI, I would wish you back a very Merry Christmas!

good mom said...

Christmas is about Christs birth, so what else would we call it? If you dont like the name - just forget about it and it will be like any other day to you. You seem to be all about equality and rights - shut up and quit griping about Christ in Christmas - its my right to say Christmas and you have NO right to complain!