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There are a lot of bad LGBT movies out there. A. Lot. And I don't mean bad as in "The Christian right made a bunch of movies to make us all look like hedonistic bastards on the road paved for hell." I just mean badly conceived, badly written, badly directed, badly acted... Just bad. Two movies that come to mind that illustrate this point fantastically (and that is the only way to put a positive spin on these two films) are The House of Adam, which isn't quite sure whether it wants to be a crime mystery, a love story, or a horror film; and A Siren in the Dark, a wanna-be psychological horror film in which it seems the director (or someone else ill-qualified to make a film) found the use of the "play in reverse" feature on his camera to be the most phenomenal of tools... And don't even get me started on Dante's Cove and The Lair. I shudder at what people seem to think praise-worthy on gay television. (Dear LGBT community: Just because they're hot with their shirts off doesn't mean they can act, and just because the story features a gay lead doesn't mean it should be televised...) It's sad that most of the people creating television and movies for our community think that if you throw in a hot, shirtless guy, we won't notice everything else. That just isn't the case.
It almost makes a gay man want to commit suicide. Almost. Luckily, there are quite a few treasures out there, films done so well they are a credit to our community and to the film industry as a whole. Now realize I am no Siskel and Ebert; I am, however, a human being who can appreciate something done well and something done not-so-well. After all, I need not be a restaurant critic to know when a steak is prepared sensationally, or horribly horribly wrong. Therefore, if you find yourself needing something gay and GOOD to watch, here are my top-ten choices: The good, the better, and the best of (to date) the best I can find in queer cinema. Please note that I did not include Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, The Birdcage, or Too Wong Fu. By now you should know these are great gay films. If you didn't, now you do. They still aren't included below. Get over it. :) I'd also like to point out that these films are not perfect, but they are, however, a credit to their art and community. And while I also have not seen every LGBT film out there, it's easier to find the horrible ones than it is the good or great ones, which is why I felt the need to compile this list.
1. I begin with my all-time favorite to date: Latter Days (2003). So much my favorite I actually blogged about it immediately after viewing it.
Synopsis: A young Mormon missionary finds himself on a mission trip in Los Angeles, where he meets (and consequently falls into sin with) Christian, a young gay waiter who is known for his love of partying. A cliche type of bet is involved, but overall the plot is original, the characters will have you cheering, screaming, laughing, crying.
Director: C. Jay Cox
Writer: C. Jay Cox
Stars: Wes Ramsey, Steve Sandvoss, and Mary Kay Place
There are a few musical numbers by one of the co-stars, and the title song is by one of my all time favorite bands, Toad the Wet Sprocket. If it helps, it's by the same screenwriter that did Sweet Home Alabama (which, if you were me, that wouldn't help, but then again, that could just be me...). Overall, if you don't fall in love with this film, you are damaged. And by damaged, I mean severely. Get on the short bus, wear a helmet.
2. Hannah Free (2009). This gem was discovered one night through streaming Netflix on our Wii.
Synopsis: A sweet and touching story about an independent free-spirited feminist and her female lover. Hannah finds herself in an old-age home where she is unable to spend time with her dying partner with whom she has spent her life with since childhood. A great-granddaughter does what she can to bring them together without the consent of her grandmother.
Director: Wendy Jo Carlton
Writer: Claudia Allen
Stars: Sharon Gless, Maureen Gallagher, and Kelli Strickland
A beautiful film which captures a pure love between two women in the quiet Midwest. Hannah longed for freedom, but always came home to Rachel, and their unconventional relationship, long the talk of the small town, is vindicated when Rachel's daughter finally sees that love is love. Oh, how I cried!
3. BearCity (2010). We found this film from watching trailers from another film and procured it through disc on Netflix.
Synopsis: Tyler loves men--just not the typical skinny, pretty ones. Hairy, big, and manly, much to his twink roommates chagrin. But Tyler embraces his inner bear cub and goes out to find Mr. Right.
Director: Douglas Langway
Writers: Douglas Langway, Lawrence Ferber
Stars: Joe Conti, Gerald McCullouch, and Brian Keane
This lovely little romantic comedy had us alternately laughing and crying as it captured the whole subculture of the bear community with tenderness and compassion. Most gay cinema features your typical Abercrombie & Fitch-types, but this film embraced the bear community, bringing to light the fact that not all of us come in a size 32 jean, but we still love, are loved, and find love and joy within the gay community.
4. Strapped (2010). We also found this film from watching trailers from another film and procured it through disc on Netflix.
Synopsis: A young, handsome prostitute finds himself alternately lost and rescued in an apartment complex, learning about himself and others the harsher lessons of life, yet ultimately finding love.
Director: Joseph Graham
Writer: Joseph Graham
Stars: Ben Bonenfant, Nick Frangione, and Artem Mishin
I usually tend to avoid any film which makes prostitution or drugs seem commonplace, or "okay," as I have seen firsthand in my own family what such activities can lead to. However, the film takes the micro world of the complex and shows just how vastly different, yet the same, we all are as the young man travels from the penthouse to the basement and back. At times darkly humorous, tense, and romantic, it weaves together a story of learning about yourself through the actions and reactions of others. Truly well written, directed, and acted, this is one for the personal library.
5. Trick (1999). We first watched this film at a friends home during our monthly movie night, and is available through NetFlix on disc.
Synopsis: Gabriel, an aspiring musician in New York City, picks up a stripper at a local bar, and the evening is spent just trying to find a place where they can be alone together.
Director: Jim Fall
Writer: Jason Schafer
Stars: Christian Campbell, John Paul Pitoc, and Tori Spelling
A romantic comedy with it's fair share of humorous musical numbers, it's easy to relate to Gabriel's fascination with hunky Mark--sort of a nerd-meets-jock love story that will touch your heart and make you laugh at loud at times. And Tori Spelling is adorable, I just have to say it. :) You find out love can happen even if you can't find a place to make love, because it isn't all about sex. It's about the people who want to have it. :)
6. The Trip (2002). This lovely film is also available through NetFlix, disc only.
Synopsis: Tommy and Alan first meet in the 1970s, and they are political opposites. But they fall in love, and their story is followed through the 70s, 80s, and 90s as they navigate their way amid Tommy's secret past and Alan's gay-rights activism.
Director: Miles Swain
Writer: Miles Swain
Stars: Larry Sullivan, Steve Braun, and Ray Baker
The dialogue is at times contrived, and near the beginning the actors seem a bit stilted, as if unsure how wet they would like to get their feet, but soon we are plunged into the whirlwind romance of these two young men. Watching their, and their fellow actors', hairstyles and fashions change with the times is both hilarious and spot-on, and the car-hood stripping scene in the middle of the Mexican desert by Tommy is fantastic.
7. Shelter (2007). This film is available through NetFlix, disc only.
Synopsis: Zach's dreams of going to college are put on hold as he deals with one family emergency after another, all the while falling in love with his best friend's older brother, none of whom know Zach is gay.
Director: Jonah Markowitz
Writer: Jonah Markowitz
Stars: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, and Tina Holmes
A very touching film about the struggles of a young man to find his own identity amidst the chaos that is his home life, you can't help but root for Zach and the budding romance and escape he finds with his best friends older brother Shaun (played by Brad Rowe). They bond over a shared love of surfing, a love of art, and a love of reading. And let's face it--Brad Rowe is just nice to look at.
8. Camp (2003). Available through Netflix streaming, I first heard about this film from a co-worker.
Synopsis: High school misfits give up their summer vacation every year to attend Camp Ovation, a singing/dancing school that puts on a series of plays every year. This year, however, finds a jock named Vlad in attendance whom all the kids want to sleep with, and a new teacher who has had several Broadway flops turns to alcohol and teaching at Camp Ovation as a way to make ends meet.
Director: Todd Graff
Writer: Todd Graff
Stars: Don Dixon, Daniel Letterle, and Joanna Chilcoat
Next to these kids? Everyone who has ever auditioned for American Idol SUCKS. Not only are the musical numbers entertaining, well sung, and wonderfully choreographed, you feel their heart and soul. Some of these songs WILL get stuck in your head for weeks--and that's a good thing. The teenage angst is present, of course, but not only is it not over done, it also encompasses the true nature of what these teens are going through, from overbearing parents, demanding teachers, boyfriend/girlfriend problems, and a host of other daily issues for teens. A fantastic film!
9. C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005). We found this by accident through NetFlix and instantly fell in love...
Synopsis: Five brothers: Christian, Raymond, Antoine, Zachary and Yvan. But Zach is the only one who's gay, and has the added curse of being born on Christmas day, much to his Catholic mother's delight. Although truth be told all five brothers are very different, their father is a tough man who wants them to grow up to be men, not sissies. Zach retreats into music, unsure if he can live up to the expectations of his family.
Director: Jean-Marc Vallée
Writers: François Boulay, Jean-Marc Vallée
Stars: Michel Côté, Marc-André Grondin, and Danielle Proulx
If you don't like "reading" movies, don't rent this film. It's in French. The boys get their names from their father's love of the song "Crazy" by Patsy Cline, a song I remember fondly from my own childhood. The emotional issues that come from having four siblings I could also identify with, as I have four of my own as well! Touching, poignant, and overall fantastic, it's well worth "the read," if you get my drift!
10. Fruit Fly (2009). We found this film through watching the trailers on Strapped (above), and were able to get it through NetFlix on disc.
Synopsis: A young woman who performs a traveling "performance art" piece arrives in San Francisco, still looking for a place to call home. She ends up living in an artists commune, unable to find a venue, and also unable to locate her biological mother.
Director: H.P. Mendoza
Writer: H.P. Mendoza
Stars: L.A. Renigen, Mike Curtis, and Theresa Navarro
Between the fantastic, catchy musical numbers (including "Fag-Hag," "We are the Hag," and "Enough About Me"), and the story of the young woman who is simply searching for a place to call home, you will be alternately dazzled and slightly disappointed. Sometimes the songs are a bit too quiet, hard to understand what is being sung, but most times they are loud, brazen, and thoroughly enjoyable. One young man performs a duet with himself via his laptop--truly hilarious and well done!
There are a few more I'd like to mention--we'll just call this the honorable-mentions category of our Top-Ten, films and television shows that should be checked out and enjoyed:
- The Donald Strachy Crime Dramas, a series of films based on the novels by Richard Stevenson. Only four are presently available, and I have no idea if the rest of Richard's novels on the character will be made into film as well, but the four available thus far are: Third Man Out (2005), Shock to the System (2006), On the Other Hand, Death (2008), and Ice Blues (2008). Chad Allen stars as Detective Strachy in all four films, and his lover Timothy Callahan, played by Sebastian Spence, brings dry humor and a sense of grounding and home as Strachy finds himself in all sorts of troublesome spots. A great series which I hope continues!
- The Broken Hearts Club (2000) is a story about a small group of gay friends from all walks of life just trying to find love. They all hang out (and some of them work at) a local restaurant, which also has it's own softball team, The Broken Hearts Club, of which most of them play for. Definitely a must see. And it helps to have Dean Cain as one of its feature stars. Love him!
- Is It Just Me? (2009). A young aspiring writer can't seem to find love, and when he thinks he has found it, he realizes that he was using his roommates online profile at the time. The roommates pit brains against brawn to win this new young man's heart.
- Flawless (1999). Neighbors in the same apartment complex in New York City from two very different worlds--a straight, tough cop and the very loud and out drag queen--find themselves leaning on one another due to a stroke on the part of the cop and a crime lord on the part of the drag queen. They find they are not so different after all, and form a friendship. Starring Robert De Niro and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
I'm sure there are more you would like to add. Let me know what you've seen, what you've loved, and what you've hated! The only way to support quality LGBT films is to talk about them and give them props! (And hopefully, some of the very very bad filmmakers out there will either stop getting funding, or improve the quality of their work!) I guess we can only hope.
As it is, this list should be enough to get you started, and I do hope you enjoy them as much as I have! As I said, none of them are perfect films, but they are all GOOD films, and well worth the watch!
Near the Beginning: Action!
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Near the Beginning: Adam Idol...
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People don't give themselves enough credit. Honestly, most people would rather credit "fate," "destiny" (the name of an ex-girlfriend in high school, believe it or not...), or even "god" for the good and bad in their lives. They spend thousands of dollars on self-help books, meditation courses, individualized retreats... I can't help but wonder if, when we gave up on hunting and gathering, domesticated beasts, harnessed electricity, and learned how to prevent or cure our natural enemies, the gaping void left behind--that nagging feeling that a saber-toothed tiger was just above us on that ledge ready to attack and eat us--needed to be filled by making ourselves our own worst enemies if only to prevent the onset of craziness. To save ourselves, we must doubt ourselves. (Hmm... Sounds like something I need to put on a T-shirt and sell for $19.95 at a personalized retreat for finding your inner pygmy goat...)
Recently, on our way home from an event at a friend's house, Richard turned to me, a concerned look crossing his face: "So, what do you believe in?" Ah, my poor semi-Christian husband. You see, we had been discussing (among other things) stones as a reminder to better ourselves, new age meta-physics, and a few other things to be sure--you'll forgive me if the seven glasses of wine make things a bit fuzzy... So, to ease his confusion (and, being as how he lives with me and isn't quite sure!), let's ease his troubled mind:
What do I believe?
Lets start with some basics, and work our way from there, okay?
1. I believe there may or may not be (but most likely is "not be") a god(s).
This will break my mother's heart, I know. She thinks I am turning my back on something she knows to be true: That God does exist and cares for everyone and everything in this great greenish-blue planet we call Earth. But I counter that "knowledge" of god to say, "How can I turn my back on something I truly don't believe is there?" True, I used to. I grew up taking for granted that everyone knew there was a god, and those who chose not to believe in him (or her, I suppose) were simply being ignorant or obtuse, knowing truly in their heart of hearts there must be a god. It was simply their "sin nature" that prevented them from "knowing" this god.
My sin nature must have caught up with me, eh?
There never will be, never was, and never can be definitive proof of a god(s). That some people "know" is simply where opinion gets caught up with faith, and a dangerous mix ensues in which one should take "blind faith" on anything they cannot know for sure, thereby justifying the previous, first hand belief of "knowing." In other words, by saying you "know" there is a god(s), but saying you can never know completely this god(s), and so anything about him must be taken on "faith" would only harm and not help a belief in this god to begin with, wouldn't you think? Conundrum of the human history, I suppose.
We (as the human race overall, not as individuals) say there is a god(s). But we say he is so high above us, so much more than us, much more than we could ever comprehend, and all we have to go on is our senses and these "letters" he left us in the forms of Holy Books and Revelation. But the only way we get these books and revelations are from people, the very things that can't hope to comprehend or know him. And so what are we left with? A bunch of people who can't know god, but "know" god, and therefore foible blindly around in the hopes that we get something right, something that sounds good, and pray that god(s) will not hold us too accountable for the very reasons we are said to worship him...
I think this is the part in a movie review that would say "buffoonery ensues, but plot lacks direction and able actors." To say you "know" there's a god, but you cannot "know" god, and must rely on people about god and his attributes, personality, rules, reasons, with a healthy dose of faith and naivete mixed in, with salt to taste...? I'm sorry, this just doesn't cut the mustard.
I'm actually okay with the idea that perhaps there are unknown beings of great power somewhere out there in the cosmos. However, until science can show probability, possibility, and provability--observation and empirical data--one must assume that the five senses we have are all that can be trusted. Being as how there is no evidence, no photographs, no tiny bits of deity DNA floating about the jetsam of the universe... Well...
Some people have said that this means I am setting up man as a god(s). I shall try to explain why this is also untrue.
2. I believe man is god, man is devil, but always, man is simply man.
It's hard being perfect, isn't it? We know we will never be so, but we can imagine perfection in ways that seem perfect to us when in all actuality, it is simply just a different way of doing "fucked up." What is the one common denominator in all of our philosophical problems and issues? Man. Who is the one being that tries to interpret, define, and distribute this divine-ness to others? Man. Who is the one that heals and wounds? Man. The one who gives and takes? Man. The one who arbitrarily decides right from wrong, better from worse, and bad from good? Man. It is all about us, whether we like to admit that or not. Not individually, no. That's too narcissistic. Not ethnically or racially, either. We don't like differentiating like that, even though we do consciously and subconsciously. So we divide ourselves up most brutally over the things we cannot explain with logic. Religion. We say our way is the way, our way is it, the end, the answer. And right now, about 7 billion others also think they have the answer, even the ones who profess they don't--like me--think they have an answer.
We, as mankind, are the common denominator. We even make our god(s) like us in every way conceivable, from the Greek gods who were a tad slutty and twisted like a very good soap opera, to the one that made himself like us to save us (talk about making man your god!!), to the ones that simply couldn't give a rat's ass about us if they were so inclined. Our gods are as varied as we are. Coincidence? Or some truly bizarre way of revealing the answer? Maybe after a few more millennia, we'll have enough bits and pieces from all the religions that have come and gone to come up with the one end-all be-all philosophy that makes everyone feel special and loved and absolutely right while allowing for everyone else to also feel that way... Who knows? (Psst! No one!)
Our sense of a perfect divine has changed with the whims, knowledge, and times of ourselves. Why is god so interchangeable, so fluid? Because he is of our own making. Why does the "devil" appear also to be so fluid and time-chained in his abilities to "tempt" and "destroy"? Because he is also us, and of our making. Nothing more, nothing less.
I set man up not as a god or a devil. We do that ourselves, each and every one of us. And I don't believe it's because we truly believe there is a god, either. God is simply our way of coping with not only the unexplainable and unknown, but also of dealing with our fragile egos and sense of "Are we alone?" in this universe. We've always sensed something bigger than ourselves, but not because there is a god(s). But because, just by looking up at a sun, moon, and stars we cannot touch, it is proven that we are small. Because we die and cannot prevent it no matter how much we dance around a fire, chant up a storm, or sacrifice the masses. Because we see so much that is still unanswered, no mater how much we poke, prod, test, and retest. As time passes, we gain more knowledge. Things we used to hold so dear we killed over it are now distant memories and fading history.
Remember when someone dared assert that the world was round? This didn't affect anyone or anything. It didn't change the Catholic Church's salvation message. It didn't cause people to suffer and die. It didn't change the price of tea in China... But people died over this idea.
Saying there is no god will not change one damn thing. Saying there is a god won't change anything either. But don't say you know. Because you don't. You can claim faith, walking on water, answered prayers and the like because you know there's no way to test, prove, or deny any of it (yet). The only thing you know is your faith, feelings, and opinions, all thrown together in the casserole of your life. But that's all you know. You know your opinions and beliefs. And that's all any of us will ever know for 100% certain.
3. I believe in iced teas all-benevolent goodness.
Truly, it is the one thing you can always count on that I will drink until my dying day. Like most things today, it causes cancer in some way, shape, or form, I suppose. I'm sure there's a study out about the dangerous effects of drinking nothing but iced tea for weeks on end, but there you are. What does this have to do with Man, God, and Devil?
Isn't it clear? Iced Tea is my god. Without it, I'm the biggest, most grouchy-ass person in the universe. Whole ecosystems have been devastated, species wiped out, and worlds cataclysmicly ended due to my "drinking problem." I live and die for Iced Tea, I wake up and drink it, I drink it before I go to bed, and every single waking moment of thirst in my life is satisfied by a gulp of this precious liquid. It needs to be in my refrigerator, in my lunch bag at work, at friends and families houses and parties. I am its willing slave; I am its god, for without me, the tea could never be my god; but without tea, I could never hope to attain a good day without it. Make sense? I'm sure a lot of you will have fun picking apart this analogy, saying why it may or may not work as an analogy, but be that as it may, the nitty-gritty truths apply. (Batteries not included; ice cubes sold separately)
I've also recently begun treating water as my god. Morning, noon, and night, water slides down my throat, making me more healthy, making iced tea that much more delicious when I grab that jug instead.
4. Three Things That Are Always True: Death, Taxes, and Fundies
Throughout history, in all of space and time, these are the three things that keep man going.
Knowing we will die keeps us always searching, always looking, always wanting to "know."
There is always someone who has power over us, and takes from us (sometimes with our consent, sometimes without), and our destiny will always be influenced by someone else in power somewhere.
In keeping with the "our lives are always influenced by us" philosophy, fundamentalists and conservatives are those who are afraid of the unknown and hold fast to the tried and true of their past, usually handed down from previous generations. I'm sure there were several Greeks who balked at the idea of a Hercules being born of god and virgin and that it was heresy. Fundies need not be of the Christian persuasion any more than so-called "liberals" are always godless.
No matter the century, the size of the population, or the cubic square feet of Pluto's size having any sort of bearing on it's planetary status in this universe, death, taxes, and fundies will always be here, for good or ill, and it's all our fault.
These are some of my more fundamental beliefs. Take them for what you will. Most of them are beliefs in motion, evolving and changing as I experience this life and live it to the fullest extent I can. But until next time, This I Believe.
This isn't what I planned on blogging about, but I spewed it out nonetheless, mostly because when I was doing some surfing on the subject I did want to blog about (Possibility versus Probability), I read other things that made me think fear is the ultimate motivator for irrational belief.
I have always been fascinated, actually, by people's enjoyment of being scared. From the haunted hayrides, the corn mazes, the creepy houses, the horror flicks, the screaming and the blood--it boggles me more than fundidiots!
I personally have never liked being scared--indeed, even mild suspense can sometimes get to me, although I will state that I love a good suspense flick much better than a horror flick. My brothers would actually make fun of me when, if they happened to be watching a horror movie or show on the television, I would vacate the living room as soon as I thought something even remotely horrifying was about to make an appearance. Whether suddenly having to go to the bathroom, or making up some other such excuse, I would take that time to play the "for-once-not-being-played" Nintendo, or have the bedroom for silent reading. (We three boys shared a bedroom until I was seventeen, at which point I demanded my father build a wall in the basement at a key point in which I could finally secure my own room...)
I sometimes wonder if this is how I try exert control over my environment? Or is this me being a slave to my fears? I don't fear fear--in fact, there isn't much I do fear! I just don't like that feeling of unknowing, of the surprise that's coming, and ultimately, of the nightmarish stories my subconscious imagines in the dead of the night! I remember I once made it through (what I now realize is the cheesiest flick ever made) a whole screening of the movie Alligator, and for years afterward, I had a nightmare in which a giant alligator was coming down Toll Gate Road, trying to gobble up my family... And while I can appreciate the cheesiness of it all now, back then I was terrified at the idea of loose alligators. Go figure, eh?
I must then ask myself, why doesn't the fear of eternal damnation hang over me, or even my subconscious, to the point where I must err on the side of "caution" and "believe" just to save myself the fear of hell fire? Is it that, as an adult, I can appreciate the "cheesiness" of fire insurance for a consciousness that won't survive past my heart beat? Or, on the flip side, is it my survival instincts of self-preservation that keeps me from even contemplating the notion, much as I wouldn't contemplate watching a horror movie?
I think it must be the first, as the second, the "contemplation," has been discussed both here and on other blogs, about the ludicrousness of such a netherworld created by a being to punish beings he created and doesn't want to punish... The circular, anti-rational logic of it all, is more reminiscent of a fire insurance policy, nay, perhaps even a panic button people can hit at will in an effort to absolve themselves of misdeeds and "less than nice" thoughts or actions!
In the ultimate of ironies (much like having a spoon when all you need if a knife), one must remember two key tenants: One, that you need Jesus blood to "wash away," or "cleanse" your sins, even though through some sort of loophole, you still end up paying the price of sin (i.e, death), but end up with life "eternally" in the presence of the one who died for you; and Two, even though you have been "washed" or "cleansed" of these sins, you will still commit acts of "wrongness" or "misdeeds," and thus continually need to regret and repent of these misdeeds (although it must be pointed out, in most Christian circles, misdeeds do not end your salvation, just a close relationship with said god).
And you have to wonder (or, at least, I have to wonder) why wouldn't "salvation" erase the sin nature, thus leaving you sinless the remainder of your life? OR, barring some sort of teleological law about such a scenario (although a study of the holy book will reveal no such block to sinless nature through salvation), why not then BAM! automatic everlasting life? Why the need to still die if Jesus truly paid the price for all our sins?
As you can see, it reduces into an acrimonious harmony of illogical thought and circular rationale...
Fear, at its core, must be substantive, if it is to remain effective as a motivator (much like "justice" and "mercy" must have finite, measurable punishments for finite, measurable deeds, but that's for another time...). Fear is defined by Websters as "1 a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger." In other words, you need a reason to be afraid, to have fear... Otherwise, your fear is considered irrational, and thus, is categorized as a "phobia." Phobia, from Websters, is "an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation."
Hell, or even the once-removed cousin through marriage thought of eternal punishment, is a christological phobia. An irrational fear. Inexplicable, illogical, and brought on by an exaggerated fable of yesteryears beliefs. The reason hell has lost much of its umph in driving hoards to a "saving knowledge of Jesus" isn't due to a sudden gambling urge against Pascal's Wager, but by a continuing body of knowledge which points in the direction of logic, not pointy-tailed red-horned devils on one shoulder and beatific angels on the other...
And while my primal subconscious may still be dealing with the supposedly very real threat of being eaten by alligators (or its related off-shoots), I can rest easy in the knowledge that- Alligators are real.
- Alligators have eaten people.
- Alligators do not live in northeastern Pennsylvania.
Thus, there is a basis for the fear, and my conscious realizes this. The rational, logical portion of my brain recognizes the facts, and makes a decision which supersedes the more primal nature of "fight/flight," and as long as I don't feed this "fear" with heresy, false logic, and panicky hypotheticals, I sleep easy and don't plan my entire life, indeed my every thought and whim, on the basis of fear.
And, this I believe is most fundamental, fear, while maybe not widely recognized as such, is the sole motivator of continued religious belief, and it flourishes best in the minds of people who entertain false logic and hypotheticals...
Perhaps, as humanity continues to advance sociologically and psychologically, more people will confront the irrationality of god and his supposed eternal promises (not to mention punishments)?
It almost stretches one's faith in humanity to think so...
Yes, that is a pygmy goat.
No, I don't know why I chose that particular picture.
As I happen to find true every year about this time, I find myself yearning for certainty and simply staring out the window at dead trees and flowers of a summer gone by once again. Perhaps it's because my birthday draws near, or maybe I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, or perhaps it's just because I hate not knowing if I can possibly survive the ennui. (Thank god my name isn't Neville, for multiple reasons...)
But now I'm just drowning in my own self pity, so--onward and upward.
Do you think the Mayans may have been off by a year? Perhaps it's 2011, and not 2012, that the world ends, what with all the dead fish and birds that are cropping up with an alacrity that defies explanation (unless you truly are a believer in the Stargate program). Once can't help but wonder if maybe--just maybe--climate change is more than just a liberal lie meant to make right-wingers suffer from migraines. Of course, since pygmy goats have yet to fall from the sky or wash up in rivers, perhaps it's just coincidence, never mind the raining cats and dogs... (not part of the Mayan prophecy either...). But do you think that one dog giving birth to seventeen puppies in one litter could be the fulfillment of such a thought? Perhaps Etana just wanted to give the the Duggars a run for their money--let's face it, seventeen in one shot is a whole hell of a lot more impressive than nineteen over the course of decades...
Here, have another random photo:
Yes, that is a naked man riding a fish. Some people know him as Titan: no one actually believes in him anymore (i.e., we're all a little bit atheist), but it sure makes for a better garden statue, than, say, a dead guy hanging from some wood. But that may just be me.
Which reminds me of that quote:
"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses." --Lenny Bruce
Hmm... Not quite the romantic symbol now, is it? It also would have negated that Roman soldier from having to stick a sword through his side. (Can you say "Needless violence much?") Notwithstanding the crown of thorns bring fried (the reinvention of potpourri...), it's funny to entertain the notion that, had that Jewish-Mexican dude Jesus been alive just twenty short years ago instead of "back then," right-wing persons would have been all about the death penalty (thus ensuring their savior's demise) while it would be up to us "liberals" to try to get his sentence changed to life imprisonment. Not that claiming to be a god is a sentence worthy of death these days (Oh, how enlightened we have become!), so we can only assume that, in order to have made sure he could have died for all our sins in today's day and age, he would have had to have been a terrorist, or, at the very least, a mass murderer. (Again, however, a lot less romantic of a notion...)
Don't you just love random?
In case any of you have been missing the fun, there's a new fundie who, I have to give him credit for actually putting his name on his comments, decided it would be fun to try to mock me (they say it is the highest form of flattery...), but, as everyone should be warned, generics and knock-offs are certainly not the same. (I think any of you who have tried store-brand spaghetti sauce know what I mean.) Plus, being as there are two brandons (who'd of thunk it?), this one is not to the one whom I dedicated my garbage post too, but the one who thinks he's witty (but not gay...)
To My Fundie Fan, brandon: Let's deal with the first comment you left, shall we? You decided to try your hand at dialogue (and, while not bad for a beginning to our lovely site) you failed on a few key points: You said:Fundie: So, you hate God?
Gay Jay: No, I don't believe God is real. I just hate fundies because they are hypocrites.
Didn't your mother ever tell you to say "not like" instead of hate? It really send the wrong tone. You were right on your first point though, a bravo to you for the key distinction: I can't hate something that isn't real, but I can hate the hypocrisy of the "moral majority." Kudos!
You followed up with:Fundie: Do you buy Christmas presents for your family and do you receive presents for Christmas from your family?
Gay Jay: Yes, I love to buy Christmas presents and I loved that new scarf Aunt Bea got me last year.
Kudos again! You realize that, though one can hate the actions of others (isn't that one of your big mottos? Hate the sin, love the sinner? I know, it is a cop-out, but then again, I'm not the one preaching you really have to love everyone, am I?) Oh, and Aunt Bea? I think your confusing Ms. Bea Dickson with one of my relatives... she's not. My Aunt Bea is dead. And it hurts. A lot. Thanks for that. I don't think I can go on... But then again, I think I can.
But then you said (and, just for reference, this is where you got off track a little--okay, perhaps a lot!)Fundie: But wait! If you don't believe in God, then you don't believe in His son, Jesus, so then that makes you the hypocrite for celebrating Christmas. If you don't believe in God, then there is nothing for you to celebrate at Christmas time. Giving or receiving Christmas gifts at Christmas makes the atheist an atheistic hypocrite.
My, so much hogwash in so short an amount of text--you make Jerry Falwell proud! (and that's no easy feat!) So because I like to get together with my family and show my love for them by buying them presents (or making them on the leaner years) and sharing food, love and laughter makes me a hypocrite? Newsflash, Brandie: Christmas has never been about Christ. It's always been about showing love for your fellow man, an idea much older and much more noble than sky god's raping of a poor village girl and shaming her before all his "chosen people."
In fact, celebration of the winter solstice goes back thousands of years--a time when people were observing the metaphorical death of the earth, the getting together to share supplies, each other's company, and make sure everyone would be okay for the coming winter months. It was a time to reflect upon the years work--harvest, hunting, what-have-you--and make sure everyone in your family or village was going to be okay. The buying of gifts is the natural evolution of that sharing of needs to wants as people and technology made life easier.
In fact, did you know before a man named Jesus ever walked the earth:- Early Europeans celebrated light and birth in the darkest days of winter. Many people rejoiced during the winter solstice when the worst of the winter was behind them and they could look forward to the start of longer days and extended hours of sunlight.
- In Scandinavia the Norse celebrated Yule from December 21, the start of the winter solstice, through January. In recognition of the return of the sun, fathers and sons would bring home large logs which they would set on fire. The people would feast until the log burned out, and that could take as many as twelve days. The Norse believed that each spark from the fire represented a new pig or calf that would be born during the coming year.
- The end of December was a perfect time for celebration in most areas of Europe. At that time of year, most cattle were slaughtered so that they did not have to be fed during the winter. For many, it was the only time of year when they had a supply of fresh meat. In addition, most wine and beer that had been made during the year was finally fermented and ready for drinking.
- In Germany people honored the pagan god Oden during the mid-winter holiday. Germans were terrified of him for it was well-known that his nocturnal flights through the sky would help him decide which of his people would prosper or perish. Because of his presence, many people chose to say inside.
- Brazilian archeologists have found an assembly of 127 granite blocks arranged equidistant from each other. They apparently form an ancient astronomical observatory. One of the stones marked the position of the sun at the time of the winter solstice and were probably used in religious rituals.
- Ancient Egypt: The god-man/savior Osiris died and was entombed on DEC-21. "At midnight, the priests emerged from an inner shrine crying 'The Virgin has brought forth! The light is waxing" and showing the image of a baby to the worshipers."
- Greece: The winter solstice ritual was called Lenaea, the Festival of the Wild Women. In very ancient times, a man representing the harvest god Dionysos was torn to pieces and eaten by a gang of women on this day. Later in the ritual, Dionysos would be reborn as a baby. By classical times, the human sacrifice had been replaced by the killing of a goat. The women's role had changed to that of funeral mourners and observers of the birth.
- Roman times: Saturnalia began as a feast day for Saturn on DEC-17 and of Ops (DEC-19). About 50 BCE, both were later converted into two day celebrations. During the Empire, the festivals were combined to cover a full week: DEC-17 to 23.
- Budhists: On DEC-8, or on the Sunday immediately preceding, Buddhists celebrate Bodhi Day (a.k.a. Rohatsu). It recalls the day in 596 BCE, when the Buddha achieved enlightenment. He had left his family and possessions behind at the age of 29, and sought the meaning of life--particularly the reasons for its hardships. He studied under many spiritual teachers without success. Finally, he sat under a pipal tree and vowed that he would stay there until he found what he was seeking. On the morning of the eighth day, he realized that everyone suffers due to ignorance. But ignorance can be overcome through the Eightfold Path that he advocated. This day is generally regarded as the birth day of Buddhism. Being an Eastern tradition, Bodhi Day has none of the associations with the solstice and seasonal changes found in other religious observances at this time of year. However, it does signify the point in time when the Buddha achieved enlightenment and escaped the endless cycle of birth, death and rebirth through reincarnation--themes that are observed in other religions in December.
- Druids and Druidesses formed the professional class in ancient Celtic society. They performed the functions of modern day priests, teachers, ambassadors, astronomers, genealogists, philosophers, musicians, theologians, scientists, poets and judges. Druids led all public rituals, which were normally held within fenced groves of sacred trees. The solstice is the time of the death of the old sun and the birth of the dark-half of the year. It was called "Alban Arthuan by the ancient Druids. It is the end of month of the Elder Tree and the start of the month of the Birch. The three days before Yule is a magical time. This is the time of the Serpent Days or transformation...The Elder and Birch stand at the entrance to Annwn or Celtic underworld where all life was formed. Like several other myths they guard the entrance to the underworld. This is the time the Sun God journey's thru the underworld to learn the secrets of death and life. And bring out those souls to be reincarnated." A modern-day Druid, Amergin Aryson, has composed a Druidic ritual for the Winter Solstice.
- Inca's: The ancient Incas celebrated a festival if Inti Raymi at the time of the Winter Solstice. It celebrates "the Festival of the Sun where the god of the Sun, Wiracocha, is honored." Ceremonies were banned by the Roman Catholic conquistadores in the 16th century as part of their forced conversions of the Inca people to Christianity. A local group of Quecia Indians in Cusco, Peru revived the festival about 1950. It is now a major festival which begins in Cusco and proceeds to an ancient amphitheater a few miles away.
- Persia: Shabe-Yalda (a.k.a. Shab-e Yaldaa) is celebrated in Iran by followers of many religions. It originated in Zoroastrianism, the state religion which preceded Islam. The name refers to the birthday or rebirth of the sun. People gather at home around a korsee--a low square table--all night. They tell stories and read poetry. They eat watermelons, pomegranates and a special dried fruit/nut mix. Bonfires are lit outside.
- Judaism: Jews celebrate an 8 day festival of Hanukkah, (a.k.a. Feast of Lights, Festival of lights, Feast of Dedication, Chanukah, Chanukkah, Hanukah). It recalls the war fought by the Maccabees in the cause of religious freedom. Antiochus, the king of Syria, conquered Judea in the 2nd century BCE. He terminated worship in the Temple and stole the sacred lamp, the menorah, from before the altar. At the time of the solstice, they rededicated the Temple to a Pagan deity. Judah the Maccabee lead a band of rebels, and succeeding in retaking Jerusalem. They restored the temple and lit the menorah. It was exactly three years after the flame had been extinguished--at the time of the Pagan rite.
- Some Native American beliefs:
- The Pueblo tribe observe both the summer and winter solstices. Although the specific details of the rituals differ from pueblo to pueblo, "the rites are built around the sun, the coming new year and the rebirth of vegetation in the spring....Winter solstice rites include...prayerstick making, retreats, altars, emesis and prayers for increase."
- The Hopi tribe "is dedicated to giving aid and direction to the sun which is ready to 'return' and give strength to budding life." Their ceremony is called "Soyal." It lasts for 20 days and includes "prayerstick making, purification, rituals and a concluding rabbit hunt, feast and blessing..."
- There are countless stone structures created by Natives in the past to detect the solstices and equinoxes. One was called Calendar One by its modern-day finder. It is in a natural amphitheatre of about 20 acres in size in Vermont. From a stone enclosure in the center of the bowl, one can see a number of vertical rocks and natural features in the horizon which formed the edge of the bowl. At the solstices and equinoxes, the sun rises and sets at notches or peaks in the ridge which surrounded the calendar.
DISCLAIMER: I closed the windows before I had a chance to link my sources, but if you think I may have gotten this info from your site, feel free to let me know and I'll link you!! But mostly I used Wikipedia, Encyclopedia Brittanica Online, and a few other free-lance sources from seemingly reputable individuals for the information above.
But who cares about all of that coincidence, eh? Your fabled god-child was born--who cares what everyone else celebrates, right? I mean, perish the thought that, not only has celebrating this time of year been in humanities blood eons before the desert-wandering Hebrews even thought up a monotheistic god who possibly might care for them, but even if you are celebrating what you believe to have happened so long ago in a manger, who cares? You celebrate this time of year, I celebrate this time of year, in fact thousands celebrate this time of year for vastly differing reasons! And even though it is good PR for all you fundies to come up with clever rhymes like "Jesus is the reason for the season," everyone has their own personal reasons for celebrating--even Christians!
Now, even though this is getting kind of long, since you may be learning something, I'll next touch on some things you said in your next comment.
You said: [...] but I felt it necessary to show the other side-the right side to his blasphemous remarks. You sound a little like John Edwards, you know that? The Other Side. Ooohhhhh, creepy! You didn't show anything but ignorance as to the history of humanity on earth, deciding instead it was all about your sky god and not the other souls who live upon the earth. And, sad to say, it wasn't even a good try, just--kind of sad...
You said: What about that teenage boy who is confused about his sexuality and stumbles upon this blog through a link from some other 'gay type' blog. He'll probably think, "Wow! You mean I can be a functioning normal adult? I don't have to listen to all that crap that's says there's something wrong with me? That there are others like me?" It'll offer some hope, some humor, some truth, all with a dash of sarcasm and satire. And perhaps even, a healthy sense of self that most gay teens don't get when they're growing up. But if you'd rather he think that he's an awful, "wrong" person in need of an imaginary friend, who should feel dirty and rotten about who and what he is, then by all means--keep talking.
You said: the truth of the matter is that he may be influencing someone away from God with the things he writes. Aw, how sweet of you to offer me hope. Not that I need it. But it's nice to know I'm thought of. :D
You said: I pray that you see the day when your son denounces homosexuality AND comes to Christ (I truly will pray for that). I'm thinking asking you to hold your breath for that won't make it happen, will it? Sigh. Well, if it gives you a purpose in life, who am I to take that away? Good luck--I mean that.
You said: I feel that sometimes the best way to show someone how they sound is to imitate them. Flattery will get you nowhere. I'm a happily married man.
You said: but I get riled when someone rips my Savior. You know what your book says: "Be angry and do not sin." Do you feel you may have committed a sin? (I personally don't think you did, but then again, I'm not living with a guilt-ridden soul that make some cling to imaginary beings either.)
And finally, I saved this for last even though you said it much earlier in your comment: You said: yet you continue to justify his actions. Fundie say what? Do you even read what mom posts? Have you heard our (HOURS!) long conversations? She has never "justified" anything about my lifestyle of choice, just as I have never condoned her lifestyle of choice (or yours, for that matter!) I'm guessing you are of the whole "tough love" school of though, eh? There's a bunch of crock that needs to be placed on the backburner and forgotten about, let me tell you! But be that as it may, while mom and I share a close friendship and great relationship, there are some things about ourselves we know we disagree on, we know we'll never see eye-to-eye on, and yet--somehow we manage to make it work out of respect. Now, she knows this is my blog--where I share my thoughts about what I read, see, hear, or generally wonder about. When I'm in her home, I expect to hear, see, or listen to things she believes strongly about, and you know what? I do. And we still make our proverbial red state-blue state friendship work. Go figure, huh? The Christian and the Atheist, something that tears most families apart since fundies seem to have a hard time with that thing called respect--it's what makes them try to legislate morality, demand to hear "Merry Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." RESPECT.
Oh, and a little blasphemy never hurt anyone--except when the Church sentenced them to death. I wonder why god can't kill blasphemer's on his own? Hmm...
Near the Beginning: Dickering Deities...
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You see, the fable goes something like this:
Gen 6:13-22 And God said unto Noah, The end of all flesh is come before me; for the earth is filled with violence through them; and, behold, I will destroy them with the earth.
Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. And this [is the fashion] which thou shalt make it [of]: The length of the ark [shall be] three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; [with] lower, second, and third [stories] shalt thou make it. And, behold, I, even I, do bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein [is] the breath of life, from under heaven; [and] every thing that [is] in the earth shall die.
But with thee will I establish my covenant; and thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons' wives with thee. And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every [sort] shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep [them] alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every [sort] shall come unto thee, to keep [them] alive. And take thou unto thee of all food that is eaten, and thou shalt gather [it] to thee; and it shall be for food for thee, and for them.
Thus did Noah; according to all that God commanded him, so did he.
We'll just assume that the chapter 7 version of Genesis was God trying to improve genetic variation when he changed his mind and said to bring 7 of most kinds of animals, and then 2 of everything else... Cause you know YWHW, all about the gene pool!
Gen 7:2-3 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that [are] not clean by two, the male and his female. Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.
I imagine Noah went something like: "Wait, what? You just said 2 of every animal and fowl, now you want seven of some and 2 of others? What the hell, YWHW?!"
In case you haven't heard, more of us will be yelling "What the hell?" in the coming days. It seems that a bunch of Christians have decided that it is wiser to spend their money on building a full-scale, life-size biblical ark than it is to help the poor, the widows, the children... You know, your downtrodden souls in need at this time of year.
Noah may have taken 400 years to build the ark but investors of a new biblical theme park in northern Kentucky plan to replicate a full-scale model in under 36 months.
The completely wooden ark, which would measure 500 ft. across, 75 ft. wide and 45 ft. high, is slated to be unveiled in spring 2014 as one of the attractions of the proposed $150 million Ark Encounter theme park.
You get those sizes down? That's literal interpretation for you. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, an area smaller than a football field supposedly carried 2 to 7 of every creature on earth for much longer than 40 days and nights! Not to mention their food supplies and tools for keeping the place sanitary--as if sanitary were even a glimmer of a thought... Of course, keeping in mind that the lions, tigers, bears, wolves and boa constrictors would eat the sheep, goats, pigs, cats... Hmm...
But, wait! The idiocy continues!:
Answers in Genesis, known for the popular Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky., is partnering with Ark Encounter to raise the $24.5 million needed to build the life-size ark. People can participate by donating $100 for a peg, $1,000 for a plank, or $5,000 for a beam to construct the ark.
As of Thursday afternoon, the non-profit organization has raised about $114,000 – just one day since it launched the campaign for Noah's Ark.
In just ONE DAY they raised $114,000. (And that's not in Roman denarius...) Of course, I'm left wondering why a peg costs $100 when you can buy a dozen of them at Home Depot for only $2.99... But then again, perhaps they haven't been blessed or baptized or whatever the hell it is they do with wooden pegs these days... Of course, thinking that an ark less than half the size of a football field could hold the millions of animal species, from microscopic to Indricotherium, I can see why they'd have trouble with math...
And did we forget about the plants? Almost no vegetation would survive, let alone be actively growing, after 40 days and nights (and please note, 40 days and nights is how long it supposedly rained for--it doesn't say how long it took these waters to recede...)--even if Noah did somehow manage to keep the T-Rex from devouring those seven measly sheep, what the hell were the surviving sheep going to eat? Dead earth?
I hope they build it--I really do! Nothing better could convince anyone with at least one working brain synapse of the idiocy of believing in literal bible inerrancy than seeing this tiny boat filled with--at the very minimum--two to seven of every member of the "Family" of animals located within. (Note that I'm being generous here and allowing them to move up 2 whole scientific categories instead of trying to fit in every "Genus" or "Species" of animal... They still wouldn't all fit, FYI...) There are more issues with this "literal global flood" than there are with almost anything else located within the bibles' pages...
Of course, I realize with a belief in an omnipotent god, you can have seven hundred miracles happen to explain away this one miracle--or, "blind faith," I do believe any self-respecting fundamentalist would call it... There's a reason you guys believe in a literal ark and flood, because you lack critical reasoning skills, and nothing I say could convince you otherwise...
That being said, however, when you pack up the family and head to the life-size ark (and I do hope you realize, "ark" means BOX) in Kentucky, and you sit there and realize you could simply spit across the entire width of the ark... Remember, it's your dumb-ass belief...
For logical, well-thought out arguments which pretty much prove the story is bunk, here are a couple of websites to get your started:
So as we Americans get together to break wishbones, watch our children butcher their lines in a school play, and picture in our minds the image of Native Americans sharing a picnic table with a bunch of repressed white folks from across the pond, it occurs to me: How many of us actually know how Thanksgiving actually got started? It's now generally very well known that the Vikings actually "discovered" the new world (but even this encompasses a Euro-centric world view; Asians actually "discovered" America first when they crossed the Bearing Sea when it was frozen to populate this earth...) way before Columbus ever thought how nifty it would be to sail around the world in three ships (the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria) and find some islands he mistakenly thought was China. But once it was established that there was, indeed, a "New World" just ripe for the plundering by all the superpowers of the day, others saw a new land of opportunity for other reasons: some to escape prison, others to escape debts, some to escape religious persecution. These last were not the Pilgrims, despite what twisted history you may have learned in class. I know, I was pretty shocked too! These folks already had religious freedom where they came from--Holland, where they had fled to originally to escape religious persecution. But being the good fundies that they were, they felt they were losing their "identity," and becoming too much a part of the "world" in the Netherlands. So, being even better fundies, instead of trying to tell everyone else how to live, they simply left... (more fundies should be so considerate...) They actually decided to come to the "New World" to preserve their identity, and make some money on the side by contracting with the London Company to fish. Yeah, that's right: fish.
Despite what many believe, they did not land on Plymouth Rock. They actually showed up on Cape Cod, about 37 miles away from the unwarrantedly infamous Plymouth Rock. After having been at sea for a little over two months, the 102 passengers were quite elated when they spied land on November 10, 1620. Their elation would be short-lived. Many were sick, some had died, and most were worried about running out of food before they could find a place to land and repair their severely broken and battered ship, the Mayflower. While navigating the sometimes treacherously shallow water around the cape, small groups went to shore to bathe and find supplies.
They also managed to piss off a few natives.
When the first group landed, led by Myles Standish, they found not only native and euro-style homes, they found a village, a burial site, and some cultivated fields (quite impressive for a bunch of "savages," wouldn't you say?). So what did these god-fearing Europeans do? First, they started by stealing beans and corn, or "maize." They assumed that this was their god providing food for them after their treacherous journey. In fact, William Bradford recorded in his journal,
"And it is to be noted as a special providence of God, and a great mercy to this poor people, that they thus got seed to plant corn the next year, or they might have starved; for they had none, nor any likelihood of getting any, till too late for the planting season."
So after stealing what food they found in the abandoned housing, what did they do next? They desecrated the graves of the deceased natives... Seeing baskets and gifts left at the grave sites of dead natives, they took what they could grab (all with their god smiling down on them) so they wouldn't die. And really, let's be fair--which is worse? Let your family starve or steal a loaf of bread? They stole the bread; but worse, they desecrated the graves of those who had died from the smallpox, a disease brought to the new world five years earlier by the first European traders. The number of natives left was so small after the disease swept through them, it is estimated that, by the times the pilgrims arrived, there were only between 70 and 90 left from what was once a tribe that had covered all of New England. Sad indeed. It is recorded in William Bradford's book:
and shortly after a good quantitie of clear ground wher ye Indeans had formerly set corne, and some of their graves. And proceeding furder they saw new-stuble wher corne had been set ye same year, also they found wher latly a house had been, wher some planks and a great ketle was remaining, and heaps of sand newly padled with their hands, which they, digging up, found in them diverce faire Indean baskets filled with corne, and some in eares, faire and good, of diverce collours, which seemed to them a very goodly sight, (haveing never seen any shuch before). This was near ye place of that supposed river they came to seeck; unto which they wente and found it to open it selfe into 2. armes with a high cliffe of sand in ye enterance, but more like to be crikes of salte water then any fresh, for ought they saw; and that ther was good harborige for their shalope; leaving it further to be discovered by their shalop when she was ready. So their time limeted them being expired, they returned to ye ship, least they should be in fear of their saftie; and tooke with them parte of ye corne, and buried up ye rest, and so like ye men from Eshcoll carried with them of ye fruits of ye land, & showed their breethren; of which, & their returne, they were marvelusly glad, and their harts incouraged.
Well, at least they were honest about their thievery, eh? (Of course, it does make one really want to reconsider claiming their direct descent from a Mayflower occupant, doesn't it?) And here's the part where they "thank god" for his providence in allowing them to steal:
ther was allso found 2. of their houses covered with matts, & sundrie of their implements in them, but ye people were rune away & could not be seen; also ther was found more of their corne, & of their beans of various collours. The corne & beans they brought away, purposing to give them full satisfaction when they should meete with any of them (as about some 6. months afterward they did, to their good contente). And here is to be noted a spetiall providence of God, and a great mercie to this poore people, that hear they gott seed to plant them corne ye next year, or els they might have starved, for they had none, nor any liklybood to get any [50] till ye season had beene past (as ye sequell did manyfest). Neither is it lickly they had had this, if ye first viage had not been made, for the ground was now all covered with snow, & hard frozen. But the Lord is never wanting unto his in their greatest needs; let his holy name have all ye praise.
Now, again, we can't be too hard on them; I mean, they were going to starve to death if they didn't get food now, wouldn't they?
Once the expedition cut-and-run back to their ailing boat, they sailed a little further down the coast, to Plymouth Rock, or, at least, relatively closer than Cape Cod was. When they found that it was a good spot to build their settlement, they erected a barricade of stumps and trees around the perimeter--just in time. The remaining tribesmen who had watched as their graves were desecrated and their food was stolen attacked! Arrows flew through the air as the colonists fired back with their muskets. Even though many pilgrims had died, or were still sick from the voyage, they outnumbered and overwhelmed the native men who were left... And as the natives fled back into the woods over the hills, the pilgrims thanked god for their "victory" over the "savages." From Bradford's book:
But presently, all on ye sudain, they heard a great & strange crie, which they knew to be the same voyces they heard in ye night, though they varied their notes, & one of their company being abroad came runing in, & cried, "Men, Indeans, Indeans"; and wthall, their arowes came flying amongst them. Their men rane with all speed to recover their armes, as by ye good providence of God they did. In ye mean time, of those that were ther ready, tow muskets were discharged at them, & 2. more stood ready in ye enterance of ther randevoue, but were comanded not to shoote till they could take full aime at them; & ye other 2. charged againe with all speed, for ther were only 4. had armes ther, & defended ye baricado which was first assalted. The crie of ye lndeans was dreadfull, espetially when they saw ther men rune out of ye randevoue towourds ye shallop, to recover their armes, the lndeans wheeling aboute upon them. But some runing out with coats of malle on, & cutlasses in their hands, they soone got their armes, & let flye amongs them, and quickly stopped their violence. Yet ther was a lustie man, and no less valiante, stood be-hind a tree within halfe a musket shot, and let his arrows flie at them. He was seen shoot 3. arrowes, which were all avoyded. He stood 3. shot of a musket, till one taking full aime at him, and made ye barke or splinters of ye tree :fly about his ears, after which he gave an extraordinary shrike, and away they wente all of them. They left some to keep ye shalop, and followed them aboute a quarter of a mille, and shouted once or twise, and shot of 2. or 3. peces, & so returned. This they did, that they might conceive that they were not [52] affrade of them or any way discouraged. Thus it pleased God to vanquish their enimies, and give them deliverance; and by his spetiall providence so to dispose that not any one of them were either hurte, or hitt, though their arrows came close by them, & on every side them, and sundry of their coats, which hunge up in ye barricado, were shot throw & throw. Aterwards they
gave God sollamne thanks & praise for their deliverance, & gathered up a bundle of their arrows, & sente them into England afterward by ye mr. of ye ship, and called that place ye first encounter.
It's hard to imagine what it must have been like for both groups of people... One, the natives, who, knowing that the last time white people had arrived, most of their population had been decimated by disease, some had been captured and taken for slavery. The others, the new comers, wondering why they can't get the natives to approach them, near starvation, needing food and medicine and a boat that will stay afloat after being battered on the high seas...
But somehow, over time, a "peace" was made between the natives and those first pilgrims, and they did share a feast together:
They returned in saftie, and brought home a good quanty of beaver, and made reporte of ye place, wishing they had been ther seated; (but it seems ye Lord, who assignes to all men ye bounds of their habitations, had apoynted it for an other use. And thus they found ye Lord to be with them in all their ways, and to blesse their outgoings & incomings, for which let his holy name have ye praise for ever, to all posteritie. They begane now to gather in ye small harvest they had, and to fitte up their houses and dwellings against winter, being all well recovered in health & strenght, and had all things in good plenty; for as some were thus imployed in affairs abroad, others were excersised in fishing, aboute codd, & bass, & other fish, of which yey tooke good store, of which every family had their portion. All ye somer ther was no wante. And now begane to come in store of foule, as winter aproached, of which this place did abound when they came first (but afterward decreased by degrees). And besids water foule, ther was great store of wild Turkies, of which they tooke many, besids venison, &c. Besids they had aboute a peck a meale a weeke to a person, or now since harvest, Indean corne to yt proportion. Which made many afterwards write so largly of their plenty hear to their freinds in England, which were not rained, but true reports.
So what did the first Thanksgiving basically consist of?- The first Thanksgiving was a harvest celebration in 1621 that lasted for three days.
- The feast occurred somewhere between Sept. 21 and Nov. 11.
- Approximately 90 Wampanoag Indians and 52 colonists--the latter mostly women and children--participated.
- The Wampanoag, led by Chief Massasoit, contributed at least five deer to the feast.
- Cranberry sauce, potatoes--white or sweet--and pies were not on the menu.
- The Pilgrims and Wampanoag communicated through Squanto, a member of the Patuxet tribe, who knew English because he had associated with earlier explorers.
And that, my friends, is what started all of the bad school plays across the country that parents adore and friends of families endure...
Not exactly the fuzzy warm feeling you thought you would get, eh? Native Americans throughout the country don't celebrate this day. They actually call it "The Day of Mourning." Appropriately, of course. For when we "discovered" this land, a grand genocide began, wiping out tons of native people due to not only extremely differing cultural norms and misunderstandings, but resulting in the propagandist "Manifest Destiny" in which we just had to own all the land from the Atlantic to the Pacific, relocating anyone we saw fit, killing others... No wonder they call it "Day of Mourning."
Of course, that didn't stop Lincoln from naming it a national holiday in 1863. Fitting, that Lincoln, the man that essentially brought about the end of slavery, also made a holiday out of another part of our history which ruined another race of people...
Let us remember that, while our history certainly isn't a bed of roses, there are still things to be thankful for...
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
To read William Bradford's complete book in pdf form, click here.
1. I begin with my all-time favorite to date: Latter Days (2003). So much my favorite I actually blogged about it immediately after viewing it. 
2. Hannah Free (2009). This gem was discovered one night through streaming Netflix on our Wii.
3. BearCity (2010). We found this film from watching trailers from another film and procured it through disc on Netflix.
4. Strapped (2010). We also found this film from watching trailers from another film and procured it through disc on Netflix.
5. Trick (1999). We first watched this film at a friends home during our monthly movie night, and is available through NetFlix on disc.
6. The Trip (2002). This lovely film is also available through NetFlix, disc only.
7. Shelter (2007). This film is available through NetFlix, disc only.
8. Camp (2003). Available through Netflix streaming, I first heard about this film from a co-worker.
9. C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005). We found this by accident through NetFlix and instantly fell in love...
10. Fruit Fly (2009). We found this film through watching the trailers on Strapped (above), and were able to get it through NetFlix on disc.
