Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly...

You know what floaters are? It’s when a small piece of your retina detaches from the back of your eye and “floats” about in the liquid of your eyeball. It’s annoying as hell, especially when you try to focus on these little (and sometimes bigger) black pieces and they move with your eyeball—hence, you can never look at them but you can see them. You go on living, and you eventually stop noticing them on a conscious level to some extent…

But then you move to Florida. And your mind is still in “ignore that black thing moving in your peripheral vision” mode. Except another, more “aware” portion of your brain is saying “OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT LOOK LOOK NOW AND RUN!!!!!”

Cockroaches. Giant, hairy, ugly cockroaches…

You sweep your floors daily, partly out of boredom but partly out of necessity. You mop as well every other day, partly out of boredom, partly out of necessity. All of your food is secured in either the fridge, the freezer, or air-tight bags because you’ve heard of these horror stories! The dog food is in an air-tight plastic bucket, the cat food in the lower drawer of the fridge, and you do take out the garbage every afternoon and evening, never keeping it in the house overnight.

Of course, the fact that two days ago the apartment complex next door was covered in a giant blue and orange tarp for fumigation, you have to wonder if you’re just getting the refugees, or if there’s something very basic you’re overlooking in the “attracts bugs” category…

Of course, finding one of these little buggers (and I use the word “little” lightly…) doesn’t mean you have an infestation. I’ve read up on these things on the Internet (and of course, you can believe everything you read there, right?), and it may have just wandered in. It may have been a “scout” of some kind, or lost, or just looking for food, or maybe the previous tenant was an absolute pig and I’m just experiencing “left overs” or something…

It’s still very, VERY bothersome, and leaves me with that itchy feeling that never quite goes away…

There was a cockroach in my apartment… (Shudder!) Ugh…

It’s dead now, don’t get me wrong. No thanks to the two creatures I could always count on to kill and eat bugs in the northeast, mind you. Beaux looked slightly disinterested and Hawthorne, whom I swear is starting to go blind, didn’t even realize as it scurried beneath him… If ever I needed proof he’s actually the twelve years old that he is, that was it. Of course, Gizmo, seeing a bug the same size as he—okay, maybe slightly smaller than himself—made a strange “yip!” noise and scurried—okay, pranced—for cover…

Yep.

Gayest. Dog. Ever.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. In other news, something I had ordered for a friend has finally arrived at her house. When my dog—the straight one, Hawthorne—decided to use her dining room table as the staging area for yard surveillance, he destroyed said table. When I did find a replacement, apparently I had found a great deal—and so did many others! I didn’t realize things could still be “back ordered” in this day and age, what with the instantaneousness of technology and such. But after a long round-about trip around the world, her new table finally arrived in this country and to her home, after it finished being recorded and received in a warehouse in Idaho… Or was it Illinois? Iowa? I don’t know, so Podunk middle-of-nowhere breadbasket state where nothing ever happens. I’m just relieved this part is over with! The guilt of her staring at her ruined dining table these past few months was killing me!

Sidenote: I miss my friends and family… Not enough to move back home, mind you, but enough to be wistful and wish Florida wasn’t so far away, that’s for sure. Especially those few months of hiatus, where they were there for me in ways I never thought I would need them, never wished I would need them—but they were there nonetheless, and I will always love and cherish them for that…

One of the more exciting things going on in life has to do with the Blue-Eyed Devil: We have almost nothing in common, from movies to music to decorating sensibilities—it’s fantastic! (Which granted, sounds odd, but it’s nonetheless true!) What we do share is a love of animals, being thrifty, having sex, and laughing—and it’s odd to finally meet someone who is more optimistic about life than *I* am! (Some didn’t think that was even possible, myself included—more optimistic than moi? Perish the thought!) And the dumpster diving? Oh, my, the dumpster diving! Between us, we’ve gotten:

  • An old sewing table, now being utilized as an end table;
  • A very large, very nice entertainment center;
  • a small black bookshelf;
  • a small glass table for an outdoor coffee table;
  • a small black rack with shelves to hold the herb garden;
  • three plastic pots, now housing two rescued houseplants and a new tomato plant;
  • one modern floor lamp with five “dippy” light bulbs;
  • one halogen floor lamp in silver with French accents;
  • one table lamp, also French style;
  • A king-size quilt (now washed and gorgeous!);
  • a working 27” television;
  • two perfectly flawless 1 x 6 x 8 foot-long boards, now on brackets making a large shelf behind the futon;
  • four bamboo dining room chairs;
  • one black coffee table with two glass inserts;
  • one shelf with brackets yet to be hung;
  • and a partridge in a pear tree…
Okay, okay, that last one was thrown in to
  1. make sure you were paying attention, and
  2. it just seemed warranted.
Notice, all of this free stuff was through dumpster diving, not Craigslist, because Floridian craiglisters are the rudest, most inconsiderate, vile pieces of shit ever to have internet access… 

But I digress… In other news, I’m slowly getting caught up on bills, the Florida office is the most peaceful office environment I’ve ever had the pleasure to work in, and the Blue-Eyed Devil continues to keep life exciting and interesting… More on him in later posts, I promise… 

I have come to a recent decision regarding my living arrangements, and have decided to start looking at houses down here in the alligator state. While the rainy season (that has apparently just started) has made me think I should’ve just considered a move to England (or at the very least, Seattle), the “never chilly” factor has worked it’s magic. Never mind the act that I’ll never have to watch frost kill my beautiful impatiens or other flowers again. I will finally put those years in the Army to work by looking into a VA loan and begin house shopping. (Hmm, new slogan? Army Men: Not Just for Getting Laid Anymore… At the very least, a new T-shirt slogan, eh?) It’s hard to see houses going for such cheap prices, realize that I can get a VA loan for no money down and very very low interest, and realize that monthly payments can work in my favor instead of some faceless landlord… 

Well, I’ve babbled enough for now. I’m making a nice roasted chicken and scalloped potatoes for dinner and am enjoying Spaceballs at the moment while the dogs sleep peacefully on the futon, and all seems right with the world… 

The good parts, the bad parts, and even the ugly parts…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As always, love your writing. Thanks for the update, glad to know all is well. Good luck on the house hunting!

Tori