Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Hmm... Toasted!

It boggles my brain...

Okay, maybe "boggles" is too strong a word. After all, to truly "boggle" the mind, one either needs to be unable to wrap one's mind around it, or, in fact, own a boggle. (Oops! My bad--those were Popples! Tomato, to-mah-to...)

So there's this woman who is dying. Her husband refuses to let her get a blood transfusion. Why? you may ask? Good question!

He's a Jehovah's witness! Or, was a Jehovah's witness. And she never went. But he's pretty damn sure she believed what he believed, even if he no longer believes in the whole enchilada--just the parts of the enchilada that would save his wife's life! From the article:

“I love Candy. I told them to do absolutely anything to save her life except give her blood or blood products,” Bruce Huff said.

Bruce Huff was baptized as a Jehovah’s Witness several decades ago, and although he only sometimes attends church now for health reasons and does not consider himself a member, he still shares the beliefs of the church. According to the official website of the church, www.watchtower.org, the belief is based on their interpretation of the Bible, especially Acts 15, which reads to “keep abstaining from things sacrificed to idols and from blood” and Leviticus 17 which reads to “not partake of the blood of any flesh.”


Candy Huff never considered herself a Jehovah’s Witness but shared his beliefs, Bruce Huff said. He said they had talked many times about the blood issue and thinks she would not have wanted transfusions.

“I know my wife better than anybody. She always wanted to do what is right,” he said.

Wait... Blood pressure...

Okay. (In through nose, out through mouth, in through nose, out through mouth...) If Bruce hadn't claimed "religious reasons," say, his excuse was "Just because"; or "My toaster would want it that way"; or "God told me so in my hair dryer this morning." You would all (hopefully) simply think "Nutcase!" and do what the hospital did--file a petition to have someone else make her medical decisions. (The hospital won, by the way. Candy is expected to live only because her aunt isn't a blooming idiot...)

But because he has "religious reasons," we are expected to grant his wishes? Hospitals shouldn't give the care needed?
As a complete and off-topic aside, I also don't understand why vegetarian substitute meat products are shaped like meat and advertise that they taste almost like meat. If you are against eating a piece of chicken, why would you want a tofu stick shaped like a drumstick???
Dear American Religious Peron(s),

Citing "religious reasons" no longer cuts the mustard. I don't care if it has to do with blood transfusions, same-sex marriage, abortion, taxes, tithing, or where you "believe" my soul is going.

Obviously there are so many religions because no one can agree on what means what, who meant what, who wrote what, and on and on. Granted, our constitution of these United States grants you the permission--nay, the right--to believe that fairies knock over your trash cans at night while unicorns shit rainbows after rain storms. Be that as it may, simply stating "It's what I believe God says" or "I believe that's what Jesus would want" simply means you have given up custody of your brain.

Next time you feel the urge to say "Because God says blah blah blah," add the phrase, "through my blow dryer this morning" or "was engraved on my toast this morning" after your sentence--or even before it, if that will help point out the idiocy of your argument all the sooner!

Let's have a practice round:
Original: I don't believe God would want same-sex marriages.
Updated: I don't believe God would want same-sex marriages because he told me so through my hair dryer this morning.
Do you see? Want another example?
Original: God has moved me to tell you that you are going to hell and that you weren't ever really saved.
Updated: Engraved on my toast this morning, God moved me to tell you that you are going to hell and that you weren't ever really saved.
I think you get the picture, right?

So the next time you feel the need to stake out a position on, say, universal health care for all the people of this nation, and why you think it's the wrong path for our nation, do us all a favor: Use your brain to come up with logical, reasonable arguments to support your cause. Not a book written two thousand years ago, and not because it's what your pastor said last Sunday.

You are a thinking human being. Or, at least, you're supposed to be. Please prove it.



Sylvia June Olley said...

Well put! Bravo! STANDING OVATION!!!!!
What a moron he is...

The Onion said...

I am not a believer, but I might start adding the "through my hair dryer" thing to all proclamations!


Jason Hughes said...

@Sylvia: Thanks sis!

@Onion: It's kinda catchy, ain't it? :)

Jason Hughes said...

@Sylvia: Thanks sis!

@Onion: It's kinda catchy, ain't it? :)