"Do people always shout? I hate that..."

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Vida Boheme: Oh! No one say anything frivolous for the next few moments. I am having a significant experience.
Noxeema Jackson: Whoopy.

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Me: What is that noise?!
Rich: What?

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Communicating across the house from the throne is such a mediaveal way to communicate, but until we install a laptop by the loo... Well...

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Me: I said, "What is that noise!"
Rich: "Platypus boys?"
Me: (Sigh.) FORGET IT!

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A two way radio, some walkie-talkies, perhaps? The tune continues, blaring from the television like an air-raid siren. Yes, I could pinch it off, but I'm in the middle of a great article!

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Me: It sounds like a cartoon hippo walking down a cartoon street!
Rich: What about a zippo? NO SMOKING IN THE BATHROOM!
Me: I'M NOT SMOKING! I SAID, "IT SOUNDS LIKE A CARTOON HIPPO!"
Rich: Oh, it's (something unintelligible here...)
Me: WHAT?!
Rich: IT'S THE DVD EXTRAS FROM TO WONG FOO!
Me: Oh...
Rich: WHAT?
Me: OH!

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I try to continue reading, but it's quite impossible. Bo-dump bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump, wallah-wallah, bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump... How am I supposed to figure out how big the "Education crisis in America" is with that racket?

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Me: Could you mute it?
Rich: Do what?
Me: MUTE IT?
Rich: WHAT MUSIC?
Me: BO-DUMP-BO-DUMP-BO-DUMP?!
Rich: I KNOW, IT'S CATCHY, YEAH?
Me: (Sigh.)

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My kingdom for a bullhorn. I rise from the throne, wipe, wash, and walk into the living room.

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Rich: Thank god, this DVD music is driving me insane.
Me: Then why didn't you mute it?
Rich: I didn't think you'd be that long.
Me: Pardon moi.

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I seat myself on the couch and prepare to hit PLAY on the remote.

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Rich: Wait-wait-wait!
Me: What?
Rich: I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back.

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(Sigh.) I place the remote down on the coffee table and head for the desk to check my email. Bo-dump bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump, wallah-wallah, bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump, bo-dump... I head back to the coffee table and hit MUTE, then walk into the kitchen and place some tater-tots in the oven. I then walk back into the living room.

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Rich: What's the matter?
Me: Nothing.
[...]
Rich: Why's it so quiet out there?
Me: I hit mute on the television.
Rich: You puked on the television?
Me: Yes, yes, there's puke everywhere.
Rich: Are you okay?
Me: I HIT MUTE ON THE TELEVISION!
Rich: Oh... You're going to clean that up, right?
Me: I... Shut up.
Rich: WHAT?

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I get up from the desk and head back the hallway toward the bathroom. Casually I open the door.

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Me: I hit mute on the television.
Rich: Oh... Okay...?
Me: Because the music was driving me insane, much like you are now.
Rich: Okay... Sorry?
Me: Don't be sorry, just... I'll see you in the living room... When you're done... In here...
Rich: Um... Okay...
Me: Okay.

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Rich reentered the living room five minutes later, and we watch the extras for To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. As I eject the DVD and place it back in it's case...

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Rich: So... You didn't puke?
Me: No.
Rich: Then what's that smell?
Me: Smell? Shit!

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Burnt tater tots. Thanks for everything, Julie Newmar...