However, a very dear friend of mine is in the "looking-for-a-dog" business, and recently went to Pet Finder to find the puppy of her dreams.
So the lady calls me up, and it goes something like this:
And then I thought about it.
Lady: Hi, can I speak to Jason?
Lady: Hi, my name is [something forgettable], and I'm calling in regards to a puppy [who shall not be named] to be adopted by [a friend]? She gave us your name as a reference.
Me: Oh, sure, yeah. Well, [babble, babble, babble]
Lady: Oh, that sounds wonderful. What else can you tell me?
Me: Well... er... what were you looking for?
Lady: Well, since she filled out our application, there really isn't much we don't know, but what can you just tell us generally about her?
Me: (Isn't that what my five minute babble was about?) Well, she also... [babble, babble, babble]
Lady: Well, I think this is going to be one lucky puppy! Thank you for your time, Jason!
Me: Uh, your welcome. Bye.
I'm sure I made her sound too good to be true, yet I know I didn't say anything that wasn't true. Well, except for the fact that after the phone call, I found out her one fish--who lived to the ripe old age of nine--is dead. Has been for two weeks. Let's hope they don't do a follow-up home visit and ask to see said-spoiled fish. Something tells me they won't fall for the "Oh, he's just playing dead" line... On a happier note, I did manage to avoid key phrases such as "temperamental bitch," "Chief Satanic-Sacrifice Procurer," and "Cruela deVille-type," so I think she should be good.
But then I thought, "There really isn't much they don't know?" Do they have some type of "secret service" with which they put your home, your family, your life under surveillance? Do a criminal back ground check? Put you on the stand to give a deposition?
Okay, I suppose I can understand the criminal back ground check. After all, no one wants to rescue a dog only to hand it back to Michael Vick, right? What would be the point?
But there are--literally--hundreds of dogs and cats that need homes. Not all of them will get one. So what's with all the hoopla? Do you really think someone who wants a dog for fighting is going to call an agency and risk getting caught lying just to get a dog? They may be stupid for being criminals, but that doesn't mean they are stupid at being criminals...
What's worse is I decided to check out the web site for myself and immediately fell in love with at least three dogs that need homes.... Sigh...
Not only would the hubby kill me--after all, Hawthorne + Mary-who-we've-been-babysitting-open-endedly-for-three-months (not that I'm complaining!) each eat their weight in dog food every day! And Hawthorne never gains any freakin' weight! (The bastard!--that whole thing about animals looking like their master's is bunk!) Add in a Husky named Ella, a Jack Russell mix named Feisty, and a Norfolk Terrier named Lucky?
I had to stop looking before I did something the husband would regret...
But as I gently remind him that Hawthorne may still act like he's six months old, he is actually eight, and won't be around forever, I remember why loving a pet is a double-edged sword. The pain of losing these unconditionally loving friends...
Sigh. Well, when Mary does return to her actual owner (which I'm not looking forward to...) and Hawthorne once again throws a temper tantrum at losing his one-woman harem, I will begin the search for that perfect puppy once again...
And I know where I'll probably start looking...
Into the warm, soft, furry eyes of a dog...