Sunday, March 23, 2008

An Evening in the Life of...

Rich: What's that?
Me: What's what?
Rich: This flyer... Why is there a Jesus flyer on the coffee table?
He had just come home from work, you see. He'd missed all the fun...
Me: Oh, the JW's stopped by. They send their love.
Rich: The who?
Me: Jehovah's Witnesses. They've found us. I've called our contact at the Gayness Protection Program. We'll get new identities in three weeks.
Rich: Ha-ha. Seriously, don't they live in Utah?
Me: Seriously, those are the moronic Mormons. These are the jerky Jehovah's Witnesses.
Rich: Oh... Well, what's the difference?
Me: Moronic Mormons believe in Egyptian scrolls being sent by god as a new gospel. Jerky Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe Jesus was god. Just more religiously than atheists don't believe it.
Rich: Oh, so... Are you going?
Me: To what?
Rich: The Jehovah's Witness church.
Me: Why would I want to hang out with those idiots?
Rich: I dunno... Something to do...
Me: Trust me--I can think of 600 other ways to spend my Sunday evenings.
Rich: Well, the only thing on tonight is Oprah's Big Give--
Me: --and watching the richest woman in America try to get everyone else to give away their money isn't one of them.
Rich: Oh. Wanna go get dinner?
After agreeing on what to eat--me: Pizza Hut, Rich: McDonalds--we hop in the car and drive to Lehighton. When we pull up to the drive-through, a very digitized voice speaks:
Speaker: Can I take your order?
Me: Uh... In a sec.
For the sake of space, let's just say 1 second = 10 minutes...
Speaker: Please pull up to the first window to pay.
Me: Thank-- (I stop, thinking it's a computer, I needn't waste manners.)
(Window opens, pimply teenager leans out...)
Teen: $8.39, please.
Rich: Was that a computer? (leaning across me to peer at said teenager)
Teen: No, that was a person in North Dakota.
Rich: Really?
(This is where my brain should really filter my speech...)
Me: A person in North Dakota just took my drive-through order in Lehighton, Pennsylvania.
Teen: Yeah, cool, right?
Me: You can't be trusted to type the order in for me?
Teen: Uhh... What?
Me: You are telling me that McDonalds doesn't trust you to speak into a microphone enough to take my order personally, but they trust you to take my money and give me correct change? Even though you apparently can't type buttons like "Big Mac" and "Medium Fry" on a computer?
Teen: Dude...
Rich: Jay, shut up!
Me: Well, I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! Some woman in North Dakota taking my order...
Rich: I thought the JW's were the stupidest thing you've ever heard of...
Me: They are the stupidest People. This is the stupidest Thing. (Evil glare to my passenger.)
Teen: Dude, here's your change.
As I was giving the evil glare to Rich, this teen was giving me an evil glare. I realize in his eyes, I'm probably one of those over-the-hill thirty-year-olds who don't handle "technological innovation" very well. But seriously--how can it possibly be a "money saving" move for McD's to put in this high-tech communication equipment to link directly to some slob behind a lap-top in North Dakota to take my order? What, pray tell, could be the purpose? I could understand if some teen wasn't there to take my money, and instead one of those cash-taking machines in self-checkouts aisles in grocery stores. I could even see it if there were also a Japanese robot at window two to hand me the big mac and fries. But if you are still going to pay two teenagers to take my money, give me my change, and bring me my food?
Rich: I think next time I'd rather go to a new church...
Me: And I'd rather live in a rational society. What's your point.
Rich: I love Big Macs...


mom said...

jason, jason, jason!! you are gettting more and more like your uncle kip!! :) if i was behind that window and had to deal with you i would just cry and than throw your drink at you. getting fired would be more of a blessing than dealing with you. and what can i say about poor rich in having to deal with you. remind me to carry duc tape with me when i am with you. :) love and prayers

FCSuper said...

Ya'no, JW's aren't idiots. They are one of the few religions where its regular members actually read the bible. Unfortunately, I think this is why they have such high turn-over. According to a recent study on religion in U.S., only 1/3of their membership are people born into the faith (they loose 2/3). From personal experience, I gained enough knowledge to find out the bible itself is pretty much all bunk. Contradictions in the bible are explained away with ridiculous comments (of which appear in many the works of many Christian faiths, so it isn't something unique to JW's). Other people just get tired of all the requirements that the bible makes of Christians (that most Christian religions don't even bother with). When you actually try to follow the words in the bible, you end up going in circles and jumping through hoops. So, some may say, the bible is not meant to be taken in that way, but if it wasn't, why does the bible say what it does in the first place? Metaphor, allegory? Sure, if one accepts tradition over the actual words of the bible itself. Not any difference between that and just making stuff up on your own (because that is all someone else did originally anyway.)

Kel said...

I think I got that same flyer...or at least I got one stuck in my door the other day. At least I must have scared them enough not to ring the doorbell!