Monday, January 21, 2008

The End of the Internet...

I've only met them a handful of times. In fact, it may even be a stretch to say that much, although I am pretty sure it's about five...

I have four cousins on the Hughes side, and I don't know them at all. I do remember at one family get-together down in Kentucky, when the all us boy cousins went riding on our bikes and discussed the "haunted house" in the field across the street. There was one other time that we--that is myself, my older brother Tom, our cousin Matt, and one of the missing Butterfields, recorded ourselves singing Lee Greenwood's "And I'm Proud to be an American." (Screechy, as you can imagine... We were like eight or nine--what did you want, Charlotte Church?)

Having the entire Internet at my disposal, I have attempted for almost a week now to find out something--anything--about where the Butterfields might be, but all to no avail. It seems even the World Wide Web isn't as universally world-wide as the name implies. I did manage to find their mother's and step-father's address and phone number within five minutes, thanks to Google, but there's history there--not involving me, thank goodness--perhaps I was too young to be involved, and I'm not about to start now!

So I ask: Joshua, Rebecca, June, and Jacob--where the heck are you guys?! It's like you have all fallen off the face of the earth, not leaving so much as a byte behind!

Of course, I can imagine horrible scenarios: Uncle Joe is a child molester, and Aunt Sharon killed them to protect her new husband (well, not so new anymore, I suppose--I only met the guy once, though--easily more than ten years ago, so he's still new to me...) from being arrested in the ensuing investigations. Or, Uncle Tom, their father, didn't want them living with the new Joe, and a violent suicide-murder pact took place to protect them from evil Joe and Sharon... Who the hell knows? Perhaps the four Butterfields simply aren't Net savvy? I would make a bust about growing up in the South, but it would seem very anti-productive at this point...

Perhaps I could get Dateline to start a new series: To Find a Butterfield. Or we could make a horror movie simply named Butterfield, in which a Butter monster takes it's revenge on the I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Godzilla Cloverfield monster...

Don't ask me why I suddenly had a desire to find them: I've no clue. Perhaps it's the bitter cold temps that make me cabin-feverish--a reconnect with less-well-known cousins could make the dead of winter seem to go by a bit faster--who's to say? But it does seem odd that not one shred of Butterfieldiness (that I know I'm related to) can be found...

Perhaps I've found the end of the Internet?

Ironic, that--the Internet ends in a Butterfield... Somehow, it lacks the fuzzy-warmness the name implies... There should at least be a pot of gold...

But then again--Cloverfield wasn't exactly about leprechauns and rainbows, was it?

3 comments:

mom said...

hello jason! your thoughts about what happened to them could be turned into a movie. :) i might go to the movie theater to see it if no one else is there. (i hate going to the movies because of the people around me and its cold and dark and smelling. i could go on.) just call aunt sharon and ask where they all are. it might be easier than trying to fight this internet that isn't everything that 'they' try to tell you it is. its just like these phones that do everything except slice bread and people show you pictures and even with my glasses on i can't see them. and people actually watch movies on these little things. why? i remember my little black and white tv growing up and i saw more than what you can see on these little cell phone things. well, getting off the subject. (a little hint, when you get home from your trip to one of those islands please have pictures i can actually see.) well, call your aunt and i am sure she will let you know where your cousins are. do you really want more family in your life? :) next time your dear dad calls his sister i will try to get him to get information for you. i understand about this cabin fever stuff since i freestyled my house now (some rooms twice within days) and the shows i am watching on tv i redecorate. :) now thats cabin fever! :) do you want me to come down and do your place? :) snort :) i don't know all the fancy talk that the real people that can decorate do but i am pretty good unless you actually don't have anything to work with. well, back to looking to see what i can change. maybe i should just finish my afghan. love and prayers

Kel said...

BUTTERFIELD: Isn't that a new J.J. Abrams movie?

;)

Kel said...

BUTTERFIELD: Isn't that a new J.J. Abrams movie?

;)