Friday, December 28, 2007

My "Intelligently Designed" Body...

No, no, no... I didn't die... I know you were all wondering on baited breath if I would come out alright or not... Please, please, thank you for your concern, but I'm a-okay...

I am a little disappointed on my return, however, in that, the best argument a fundie could come up with against socialized medicine was "Look at how Europe screwed it up!" Ah, yes, Jesus would be proud... Those nasty, evil Europeans and their socialized, Satanic medicine... (I now have to wonder if their sole argument against the theory of evolution is "Look at how the apes screwed up! They're almost extinct!!")

Regardless, when you have time on your hands when healing from any surgical procedure (this was my 5th surgery), you like to just sort of go through old pics... You mean, you don't? Anywho, as my eyes perused the treasure trove of family memories, I found this gem of a TJ Maxx moment--seriously, that's the first thing that came to mind when I saw my father, mother, and her mother posing in my great-grandmother's backyard--"Holy TJ Maxx moment!" Well, here, see for yourself:


Oh, didn't I mention? A seventies TJ Maxx moment...

Anyway, I had a good laugh, much like my nieces and neph's will have when they look at our 80s, 90s, and millennial pics, I'm sure...

My Maxx Moments were, of course, carried through the holidays with relatively little pain after the teeth were removed--indeed, I had almost NO pain after the surgery. And, FYI, just because you have an ear ache for three weeks doesn't necessarily mean it's your ear. Regardless, I now have 29 Vicodin pills that are of absolutely no use to me post surgery, but a more-then-half empty 500mg, 500 count Rapid Release Tylenol bottle from the three weeks prior to having my wisdom removed...

Exactly. Who knew my "intelligently designed" body had so many useless body parts!! Indeed, useless and deadly! Between the appendicitis and the wisdom teeth, I'm wondering if I should just elect now to have my other useless, "intelligently designed" parts removed before they kill me! Anyone know how much they charge to have the gall bladder, the coccyx, or my pinky toes removed?

Just wondering...

3 comments:

Kel said...

Glad to hear you came out okay. The worst part of the wisdom teeth surgery for me was feeling duped. They told me they weren't giving me gas yet (I wanted to know when because I'm a sucker for cool medical things) and then I woke up. Angry.

Oh, and I'm sure you've heard horror stories a-plenty, but both my friend and sister-in-law had their gums sewn to the inside of their mouths after their wisdom teeth surgeries. Me? I had my surgery done when body glitter and low-cut shirts were the rage. When the doctor turned the light on to look inside my mouth, he was like, "WOOOOOOO. You're glittery!" (He wasn't looking at my mouth.) Yet another reason I felt duped.

Let me know about lunch!

Sylvia said...

Just had to leave a comment here. I was laughing so hard at this one here Ja. You are so funny.
Oh and you're right...we don't really need the gall bladder. But it does do important things for ut. The gallbladder stores the bile that the liver makes. When the sphincter (that word makes me giggle) is closed, the bile backs up into the gallbladder until a certain hormone stimulates the release of the gall bladder. I forget what the hormone is called. But, believe it or not, that information came from my head. We had to learn about all the organs in the body, including the accessory ones in school. (and we all know I graduated with honors) =)
Love ya lots Ja...I'll test ya later on the gallbladder

mom said...

hello jason! i knew you made it since i had the pleasure of taking you home after they gave you some big time drugs and took your wisdom! it seems like you have to much time on your hands since you are looking at old pictures and found some good looking people i might add! :) i am glad you did so well with your 5th surgery. i have no idea what is able to be taken away from our bodies that can't be replaced or done away with but i am sure somewhere along the way we will find out that maybe the parts they think are not important will be someday. maybe you will not be around when they find this all out and you won't have to worry about getting them back. should we talk about how fun you are to be around when you are on drugs? you had us all laughing. :) love and prayers ps you are fun to be around when not on drugs also. :)