Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Maybe If They Had a Montage...

Maybe it's because the fundies are, and have been, in this limbo-esque status for quite some time... I mean, if you were sitting in the theater for over two thousand years, no one would fault you for thinking, "Good Lord, when does it end?!"

You know, kind of like how I felt during The English Patient.

And don't get me wrong--they packaged the story pretty nicely--lots of sex, violence, death, acts of god, boys who like girls who like girls who like boys... All the good stuff they like to blame Hollywood for that can be found right inside their book. Go figure, eh?

But the climax came roughly around the year 40 AD.

It's now 2007.

It brings whole new meaning to the phrase "anti-climactic." (See? It isn't just you and your significant other!)

Of course, most Christians would probably pick a pretty boring sound track for their montage--you know, nothing that makes you want to gyrate, salivate, or even remotely come close to having a thought about enjoyment, something like "Carry Your Cross with a Smile," or "The Old Rugged Cross." You know, something that really gets you thinking about sad things, horrid things, bad things... ("Dead things, Mikey, dead things!") After all, enjoyment leads to premarital sex, and that leads to bastards out of wedlock, and before you know it, society is pretty much down the tubes. (Of course, we must disregard that Jesus himself was conceived premaritally through artificial insemination to a teenager living in poverty as a bastard whose father was never around... People must not have been reading their bibles correctly...)

And what happens to children born into broken families? They have short lives, spend a lot of it on the wrong side of the law, have no regard for societies rules and obligations, and generally buck the system. Well, son of a bitch! I guess Jesus really was 100% human!

If, however, the montage for Christianity was up for a democratic vote, we might end up looking at something along the lines of "We Don't Need Another Hero" by Tina Turner (being, of course, the Democratic nominee...); I mean, that would generally sum up the fundie Christian view of things, allowing us all to speed through the motions to the Rapture they all feel 100% sure is coming... Or maybe something more inclusive (you know, for the softer, gentler moral majority) like "Hero" by Mariah Carey (the Republican candidate for "Christianity's montage..."). Can you just hear her screeching out "And then a hero comes along, With the strength to carry on..." as we watch the next five thousand years of humanity zip by in under two minutes, all with the grand crescendo as Jesus sweeps out of the clouds with lightning and fire bolts?

But... I mean, really, what have they got now? The climax 2000 years past, and this penultimate scene just keeps rolling and rolling... It's almost like god is a public stock holder for the Energizer Bunny...

Or is it more like the "Song That Doesn't End..."?

Yep, that sounds about right... Sky god knows they keep telling us and telling us, "It's any day now!"

Somehow, I think a montage would have been a much better way to go...

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Instead if "We Don't Need Another Hero", I believe you will be singing "Some Like It Hot" --- on second thought, there won't be any singing in hell. You might want to reconsider your ideas about God and heaven. Just my opinion.........

Jason Hughes said...

Why do you immediately pull out the "hell" card?

Anonymous said...

Hell card? Didn't realize we were playing cards, but whatever. I suppose I played the hell card because of your comments about the rapture being a fairytale. After the rapture, you will have a short time to ask forgiveness for your sins and if you don't then you will go to hell.
After reading your blog, I can see that you are not likely to be convinced of the existence of God until there is a sudden disappearance of Christians (even then I am not sure - sounds likeyour heart is very hard toward God). Man, I hope something happens to change your heart about God before you die. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or five minutes from now, I have to assume that you must feel some fear when it comes to the subject of death. It is a scary thing to think of dying and living in eternal hell. What is even worse that the thought of living in hell is the thought of never seeing God and living forever apart from Jesus. I tell ya, when the Holy Spirit takes hold of your life, there is no worse thought that being kept from Jesus who died to save you. It is something an unsaved person cannot fathom, I know, I used to feel the same way you do. Now, I cannot imagine life without God leading me. I used to make fun of people who said things like this, but now I so understand what they are talking about.
The joy that comes from God, not just the hope of heaven but joy from walking here on earth and living for Him is unbelieveable (literally to those who don't have a relationship with Him). Anyway, I figure you will probably make fun of me when this is posted and that's okay. I pray that you will change your mind and God will change your heart - all you have to do is ask (sincerely and sacrificially) and He will do it, brother. He will.

Jason Hughes said...

Anon said: Hell card? Didn't realize we were playing cards, but whatever. I suppose I played the hell card because of your comments about the rapture being a fairytale.

But it's the first thing you thought of--and trust me, I've had many a fundie show up and it's always the first thing they do, and I have to wonder--why? It either is most fundies sole motivation for "coming to Christ," (as the popular term goes), or they realize, perhaps subconsciously, that without the threat of hell, or somesuch similar place, no one has any reason to worship, let alone "get to know" the Christian god, or any other of the close relatives thereof...

Then you said: After the rapture, you will have a short time to ask forgiveness for your sins and if you don't then you will go to hell.

So, if I don't give god props for blaming us for Eve wanting some knowledge, and if I don't agree conclusively that this was a "bad thing," and hence it made me a "bad person" with a "sin nature," god will punish me eternally... Yeah, got it... Seems to me god needs to own up to a few things first (least among them his insatiable thirst for gore and violence...), but that may be, indeed, just me...

You also said: After reading your blog, I can see that you are not likely to be convinced of the existence of God until there is a sudden disappearance of Christians

Since it's never going to happen, you may rest assured that only irrefutable proof (such as a disappearance of all Christians) will ever convince me that sky daddy cares enough to send the very best...

I also wonder why all Christians assume that this "rapture" will take place in such a way as you all will visibly disappear... Why wouldn't you all suddenly get the bubonic plague, and that's how god raptures you all? Or an asteroid? Revelations is all about the plagues, the death, the pestilence... I'm wondering why you all think you'll just up and disappear with no bodily pain or worry when Elija is the only one to ever--ever--not have to die in some manner...

You said: (even then I am not sure - sounds like your heart is very hard toward God).

Let's just say it's very skeptical about the liklihood... After all, your god is modeled and melded out of so many other gods that came before yours, one wonders how you even get up in the morning with such a copycat to worship... Beyond all that, though, is that my heart isn't "hard" toward something that simply isn't there... Much like my heart can't be hard toward Zorkon, god of all rings around funny-named planets, or Eccentrica Gallumbits, the Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon 6... My mind, however, after many years of study and reading and searching, has pretty much come to terms with the fact that this god of yours is pretty much a improbable possibility, and certainly an illogical stance to take toward life...

You said: Man, I hope something happens to change your heart about God before you die. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or five minutes from now, I have to assume that you must feel some fear when it comes to the subject of death. It is a scary thing to think of dying and living in eternal hell.

Actually, almost died a few times in life... Not too scared of dying... Already made peace with the fact that I know I'm not guaranteed any number of minutes, am quite content with how life has been so far, and will continue to make the most of what I have within my own power, such as I do or don't have... And while it is scary to think that people actually believe they are dirty, rotten creatures before an imaginary ruler and will be punished for eternity--simply due to facts such as who won wars, where you were born, when you were born, and what your mother happened to believe and how it may have affected you--it's nice to know that after this wonderful, unasked for life that my parents gave me, I will have made the most of it that I could with no fear, no regrets, and no "reasons" beyond my own joy at being alive...

You said: What is even worse that the thought of living in hell is the thought of never seeing God and living forever apart from Jesus.

Yeah, well, we all have our phobias...

You said: I tell ya, when the Holy Spirit takes hold of your life, there is no worse thought that being kept from Jesus who died to save you.

And we all have our own reaons for living... I, of course, have no qualms about being aparet from a guy whose been dead 2,000 years--although I'm sure most of the stink has worn off by now (oh, come on--that had to make you giggle!!). My life is my own, and I certainly don't owe some dude anything for something I never even asked for. If your god resembled anything even remotely close to something I would want to worship, he'd have a quality known as "unconditional love"--meaning, there are no strings attached. He'd save us anyway, if indeed we even needed to be so... I mean, I certainly wouldn't save my brother from being run over by a bus and then hold it over his head the rest of his life--not only would it make for an ungrateful brother (on both our parts), it certainly negates the selflessness of the act of having done so...

You said: It is something an unsaved person cannot fathom, I know, I used to feel the same way you do.

See, and now your trying to say you have these splendid emotions that no other human can possibly imagine unless they too buy into the whole deity concept--which is really just bunk. We have all experienced the euphoria of something we believe to be so wonderful, so good, so immensely pleasurable, and we always think no one has ever felt that before or since, and since we have such a hard time putting into words these intense feelings, we assume no one can possibly understand it... Much like teen angst--all teen's thikn they're the only ones to have been embarrassed by the rent's, or suffered acne before a big event... All people experience these emotions, and almost always toward something we personally find--well, stupendously pleasurable! Let's face it--if you converted to Islam, you'd have an overjoyed sense of Allah, and your feelings and mind would follow right behind reinforcing that belief, thus immersing you in a sea of emotions and happiness, all because you've convinced your mind and body that what you've done is made a decision to ensure your survival and life...

You then said: Now, I cannot imagine life without God leading me.

Oh, we covered that...

Anon: I used to make fun of people who said things like this, but now I so understand what they are talking about.

Well, then, good on you. Have fun with it, stay out of trouble, and I hope it keeps you happy for the rest of your life. I don't begrudge you that... I only begrudge the fact that you think you have some "answer" when all you have is a feeling and some emotions, and you run around playing hell cards on people and telling them they are lost, adrift, and alone unless they hop on your godloft... I'm sorry, but until you manage to stick god in a test tube, or the very least, some deity residue that can be undeniably shown to say "Here--this is god," and then further prove that is is your brand of god, I will continue along as best I can with what I know and not live in fear of what may be, and what could be, and what some might like to be, as untangible emotions and feelings of others that try to become "facts" by defacto "feel good" acts of others is not something I find particularly... Logical, reasonable, or sane.

You said: The joy that comes from God, not just the hope of heaven but joy from walking here on earth and living for Him is unbelieveable (literally to those who don't have a relationship with Him).

Keep pumping those euphoria cells in your brain... Seriously, I'm glad you've found something that makes you happy--I want to know is why, if you're so god-awful happy, do you feel the need to run around and tell others they're going to hell, and then expound on how you're so friggin' happy? And I also want to know why you think, that just because it made you happy, it would make others happy? You think people in other parts of the globe, who are quite content with whatever god or gods they are worshipping and looking to for guidance, want you showing up and telling them their not realy happy? And that they just need to give your happy-fun-factory god a chance to "prove" you're right?

Seriously, bad PR, dude...

You said: Anyway, I figure you will probably make fun of me when this is posted and that's okay.

I only make fun of stupid statements, not people... Well, at least I try not to make things peronsal... I fail sometimes... That's what makes me a human... not a sinner in need of some dude's blood...

You said: I pray that you will change your mind and God will change your heart

As I said earlier, if it floats your boat, have fun...

You said: - all you have to do is ask (sincerely and sacrificially)

So, where's the sincerity measuring cup? Trust me, when I lived in the Lala land you now inhabit, there were plenty of sincere prayers that went unanswered... Not because my sincerity wasn't there, or that I wasn't willing to--and wasn't currently then--sacrificing, but because there's nothing there to grant whims, wishes, prayers, and such! Anything you ask for has--usually--a 50/50 shot of happening in your favor. But this is a post for another time, since this topic could go on... well, not for eternity, but trust me--you wouldn't be happy in god anymore if you had to listen to that diatribe of mine, and I wouldn't want to ruin your high on life...

You said: and He will do it, brother. He will.

Please don't call me brother--I already have two brothers, three brothers-in-law, and I don't even know you...

And if you are one of the aforementioned brother types that are attached to me familially, put your frickin' name on your frickin' posts!

If however, you wish to remain anon, that is your perogative... That's why I allow such, as I know some people just aren't comfortable with strangers like myself knowing who they are... (although, honestly? It isn't really fair for you to tell me I'm going to hell without so much as a "Hey, how are ya? My name is _____," know what I mean? If you plan to damn someone eternally, at least have the decency to let them know who's damning them...)

Of course, maybe I've watched too many westerns...

Anonymous said...

Iam not the anonymous from above but to you . You really need to think about what you write before you post!This is Jason's blog not ours. It is a priveledge to read and be let into his point of view. You don't like it just don't read.

Jason Hughes said...

While I agree with your premise, Anon #2 (the hwole "think before you post" thing), how would Anon #1 otherwise have anyone to challenge his preconceived ideas and notions? Or for that matter, how would it help me to never have anyone (try to) challenge my own ideas and notions?

Thanks for the compliemnts, though, it is appreciated. I just don't wish to sqeulch discussion for the sake of "respecting my blog," know what I mean?

(Although, I have to say I am tickled pink that you find it such a privilege to read!! Keep saying things like that and my head will become to big to ever got onto the blogosphere!! :D)

Anonymous said...

Um, yeah, "Anon the second", apparently you don't understand the purpose of a blog. Let me fill you in.......the purpose is to share your ideas and engage the reader to comment on said ideas in order to invoke discussion. So, while you feel priveledged to read this blog (um, ya may want to wipe your nose off - maybe instead of Anon the 2nd - you should call yourself "seriously Co-dependent" - think about it), the idea of the blog is for the owner/writer to hear the opinions of the readers.

While Jason may not agree with everyone who comments on his posts, I am sure that he is interested to read even the replies that are in disagreement with him.

*** Baby voice on *** Now, if you don't like that answer, don't read it! *** Baby Voice Off *** Get a life!

Anonymous said...

Yes Jason I understand what you mean. You are a better person than I.

Anonymous do you proclaim to be a CHristian?

Jason Hughes said...

No offense to anyone, but it's like a plague of biblical proportions... I have Anon's coming out of my blogassphere!!!

I know Aon #2 has posted twice, but I think the bitchy one is a third one...

Well, either way, gentlemen, you know the rules, there are no rules, this is a fight to the finish!!

Darkmind said...

Maybe they could play "This is the end" by the Doors...over and over...

Anonymous said...

Hell card? Didn't realize we were playing cards, but whatever. I suppose I played the hell card because of your comments about the rapture being a fairytale. After the rapture, you will have a short time to ask forgiveness for your sins and if you don't then you will go to hell.
After reading your blog, I can see that you are not likely to be convinced of the existence of God until there is a sudden disappearance of Christians (even then I am not sure - sounds likeyour heart is very hard toward God). Man, I hope something happens to change your heart about God before you die. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or five minutes from now, I have to assume that you must feel some fear when it comes to the subject of death. It is a scary thing to think of dying and living in eternal hell. What is even worse that the thought of living in hell is the thought of never seeing God and living forever apart from Jesus. I tell ya, when the Holy Spirit takes hold of your life, there is no worse thought that being kept from Jesus who died to save you. It is something an unsaved person cannot fathom, I know, I used to feel the same way you do. Now, I cannot imagine life without God leading me. I used to make fun of people who said things like this, but now I so understand what they are talking about.
The joy that comes from God, not just the hope of heaven but joy from walking here on earth and living for Him is unbelieveable (literally to those who don't have a relationship with Him). Anyway, I figure you will probably make fun of me when this is posted and that's okay. I pray that you will change your mind and God will change your heart - all you have to do is ask (sincerely and sacrificially) and He will do it, brother. He will.