Lord of the Dragon Temple
So we were in Ocean City from Wednesday to Sunday afternoon, and by-golly-cheese-and-crackers it was a blast! We have now officially extended our average vacation from 1 twenty-four hour period to 3 twenty-four hour periods... After eight years together, I think we deserved it...
Of course, it didn't start out that promising...
We spent July 4th morning at the movies in awe of the new Transformers movie, which, it must be said, was awesome in the special effects department, but a little lacking in the actual story department. But if you keep your expectations low (as did I...), you won't be disappointed. And I do say, it must be seen on the big screen. We then left to go to my sister Cynthia's house for her annual "It wouldn't be a picnic at Chuck and Cindy's if there weren't tons of games going on" family picnic, which, as always, was fun.
Unfortunately, for the third year in a row, for Rich and I, at least, the fireworks were rained out...
This does not make for a gay time.
But we hung out, Rich sang some karaoke, and then it was off to Ocean City, Maryland.
Which brings us to
Lesson One: Objects on maps are farther than they appear. A trip that--according to Yahoo Maps, should have taken three hours--took five. When you're driving down I-95 at only 25 mph due to heavy downpours, you think that leaving at 10 at night was not only a bad idea, but a cursed one. Factor in the two types of morons that are typically on the roads in torrential downpours (those that think their car never hydroplanes and those that think rain means going 5 mph in the passing lane of the road) and you begin to get a glimmer of the amount of road-rage that was building in my body when 2 hours later we still weren't out of Pennsylvania...
Such is life, right?
We finally arrive at our destination! Despite the rain, morons, and a small detour through some small towns when a certain someone mistakes a Rt 113 sign for a Rt 1 sign, we think, This is it! Now vacation can begin! We greet our friends, meet some new ones, and quickly unload the car. After a quick tour of the Ocean City McMansion which was to die for, we all agree that we should hit the sack as we plan on actually doing things on our vacation...
We sleep wonderfully in the salty sea air blowing through the windows, and awake refreshed and ready to see the sites!
Which brings us to:
Lesson Two: There's one in every family. Trace's 40th birthday has been inked in to our day planner for almost 8 months, and the plan was she was having family invited all week, with friends welcome from Wednesday on...
The only one in her family to actually take her up on the all-week offer was her cousin, whom I dubbed mentally as "Ass-lee." Most mortals pronounce it Ashley, but trust me: He is not the embodiment of a certain Gone With the Wind romantic figure. In fact, if you take how my brother Mike used to be, add in a healthy dose of my uncles' Kip and Chuck--with a twist of lemon--you have Ass-lee.
Granted, the dude's had a rough life. He's not all there, if you take my meaning. So what does one do when life hands you an Ass-lee? You make Ass-onade. And, truthfully, he seemed to try really really hard to be on his best behavior, so credit must go where credit is due: He could have been a lot worse. I know Trace was afraid he brought down the whole tone of the festivities, but, having been an older brother and duo-nephew to such, I understand the burden of that responsibility, of that feeling that you must apologize for something (or, in this case, someone...) you have no control over. But if one tried to overlook the "Nigger" and "Fag" references, the erratic driving, the sudden mood swings, one could see the little boy who was just trying to be cool, to be one of the guys, to be accepted and loved... Of course, I also think the fact that I had three (Mike's a much better person these days, bringing the number in my family down to two...), I think I also had a higher tolerance level than some...
What I wonder is why these types almost never figure out that, if you want to be accepted, stop trying to impress us all the time...
Sigh. Not to worry, though. He didn't ruin our vacation, but he did add some interesting moments that will most likely help me to enjoy the memories more... I think that's just my twisted sado-masochistic streak... So sue me...
Regardless, we woke up Thursday morning, put on a brave face, and hit the boardwalk.
Which bring us to
Lesson Three: I am much prettier in Pennsylvania than at the beach in Ocean City. If you ever want to bring your self-confidence down to a whole new level, spend some time staring at all the body worshippers at the beach. This typically brings about thoughts such as "Why didn't I spend more time in the gym before I came here," or "Why do I ever bother going to a gym?" It's rare that I've ever been surrounded by such beauty on a human level (we're talking strictly physical fitness here...), and it's very intimidating, especially when you've always viewed yourself as the fat kid who will never be able to diversify from a one-pack to a six-pack. (Well, only time will tell...) After about three hours, though, you forget about how beautiful they all are and begin enjoying yourself, and we had a great time browsing through the shops, soaking up the sites, and listening to the waves crash on the ocean...
Which brings us to
Lesson Four: The ocean is much more enjoyable at night. After dinner at someplace which I can't recall the name of (but which served all-you-can-eat crab, chicken, ribs, and corn on the cob for only $24.95 a person...), we all headed back to the house, where we parted company for a time. Trace and Company went to Dewey beach to see a band playing while Rich and I decided to... um... let's just say, make ourselves at home... Okay, what the hell, I'm already rated NC-17, right? Fucked like rabbits.
Life is good. We then walked the 100 yards to the shore and sat on the sand cliffs, watching the stars, guessing which wave would be the next one to get us soaking wet, and just sitting there, holding hands, enjoying the silence...
At about 1:30 in the morning, we decided to head back to the house to see if Trace and Company were back from the club to begin a night of game playing, which brings us to
Lesson Five: Just because you ain't as pretty doesn't mean someone doesn't want a little somethin-somethin... As we dance across the sand toward to sidewalk to the house, two young boys come up behind us. "Hey guys, having fun? Where you staying? Looking for company?" They couldn't have been more than 15 or 16, and all I could think was, "Are you for real? Are you kidding? Isn't it past your bedtime?" We smiled, said hi, and kept walking...
We reached the house and realized that they weren't back yet, helped ourselves to the community fridge, which led to
Lesson Six: Just because your host tells you it's a community fridge doesn't mean everyone got the message. Ass-lee was quite upset when he got back form the club and there were only two slices of pizza left. I couldn't help but wondering, "Why is two slices not enough?" as well as "What part of community fridge didn't you understand?" He went to bed very shortly thereafter, which is when we were informed that he didn't even buy the pizza. It was someone else's who had already left for the rest of the week. So much for pissing rights.
The next day brought new and exciting challenges: Where should we eat now? Who wants a Mimosa? How does it feel to not be at work... again! I think that was the only time I had a passing thought for all my poor fellow canaries back in the mine... We went to Secrets, a restaurant where they have tables in the water and where you enjoy a drink while water laps at your thighs and the most happening music is pumped out of speakers. Awesome food, by the way. After our 3 hour lunch, we went out and hit the beach! This, of course, is Rich's dreamland, as well as his cousin Courtney's, and they spent a great deal of time soaking up the salty water while I hot-bod watched from under a tent drinking my "Kool-Aid" (the quotes are there for a reason...) We then went out to see the band Arizona, and I think we hit the sack at four, maybe five in the morning... Which brings us to...
Lesson Seven: You can survive on only 2.5 hours of sleep... We had to be out of the house by 10 am on Saturday. I was under the impression that we not only had to be out of the house, but have it clean. I woke up at 7:30 with the intention of a super fast shower followed by some vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing, and all-around make-my-mother-proud work. Luckily, Trace was also awake around that time and informed me we had to be out at ten because that's when the cleaning people showed up...
I was happy that, once again, vacation won out and work was not to be had. Although we were out at the appointed hour, it wasn't until later we realized poor Trace had left some of her favorite pairs of shoes in the closet. Someone at Goodwill will be hitting the Jackpot later this week...
We hit the beach again, this time heading up to Rehobeth, a place where I as a child spent many summers as my great-grandparents had had a summer home there. As I was following Trace's friends Tammy and Deb...
Lesson Eight: Cops are still around, even though you are on a break from life. Flashing lights appear in the rear view mirror. I thought, "What's going on? I'm going just as fast as everyone else?"
That doesn't matter, apparently. It seems that cops can just willy-nilly pick you at random for the sharing of a little dough for the state coffers, and it seems I had won the lottery--not really the windfall I was expecting. Luckily, Delaware doesn't realize what a killing they could make off this whole "speeding ticket" fiasco (unlike a certain Keystone State...) and my fine is only about $40 for going 53 in a 35 zone... In Keystone dollars, that's about $230. Either that, or I'm prettier than I thought I was at the beach. Regardless, after an hour gets wasted sitting on the side of the road, we're back on our way. We hit Rehobeth, and we learn
Lesson Nine: You can get a nasty, nasty burn on your feet. Poor Rich has almost 2nd degree burns on the tops of his feet. While he was very militant about sunblock in every conceivable crevice, his poor toes decided to rebel. Now that it's Monday night, the swelling has gone down some, and the blistering is starting to subside with generous amounts of aloe. He thinks it's the cheapest price he could pay for such a grand vacation, and for that I say "Good show!" (He's much more of an optimist since the vacation...)
But before the burns made their presence known, we did our usual tourist thing: Get a magnet for the fridge, a shot glass for the cabinets, and a picture of us in front of some landmark that we won't remember the name of in a few weeks.
We then hit mini-golf, one of our favorite past times, which is where I earned the title Lord of the Dragon Temple. It was an awesome mini golf course, nothing like that here in Allentown... Not that I whipped anyone's ass, but I won, and it was a nice fuzzy-warm... All in all, a great time. We came home Sunday (in only three and a half hours), picked up Hawthorne, and began the countdown to work on Monday morning, which brings us to
Lesson Ten: No one at work cares. You normally think you'd greet work refreshed, ready to tackle the pile, gung-ho for that "work for a living" feeling, wouldn't you? I know my place of employment better than that.
Even though I had stayed late Tuesday before I left to place all my emails into job notes, gotten all the inserts to green things primed and ready for insertion on all my projects that I knew were coming in while I was out, had sent out a list of on-going projects that would need completed for some reason or another, do you think I came back to work with a clean desk?
Try five unscheduled green things that had come in and needed done before 3 pm Monday. Not to mention the other scheduled green things that Those in Power had known also needed done when I got back...
I was so tempted to quit right then and there. I could live under the boardwalk for a few weeks, right? Live off the left-over all-you-can-eat food that others don't finish when they're so bloated on the good life, couldn't I?
When others are out, and I commit to doing their unscheduled green things, I do their unscheduled green things. Don't tell me you need a "list" of what to do if you don't plan on doing shit! That's a waste of everyone's time! Of course, Those with Power decided that I could use some help, and took away my Green B Mass... The simplest, easiest, and by far the quickest thing to do on my desk... I was there from 7:30 to about 6:00 this evening...
Fuckin' work...
Dare I tell you I was the last of the Green Thing people to leave? It wouldn't be the first time, don't get me wrong, but if everyone else had SO LITTLE to accomplish that they could arrive at 8 and leave at 4:30, how about a "Hey, need some help? I know you might be a little behind..."
A little of that would go a long way...
I already dread my week-long vacation in August...
Perhaps being Lord of the Dragon Temple isn't all it's cracked up to be...
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