Thursday, May 17, 2007

Saint Falwell: He Certainly Didn't Fall Well, Did He?

Yeah, Falwell's dead. It's been confirmed not only by a coroner, but by 10,000 saints and angels ushering him through the gates of heaven (or hell, depending on your take) and a prophet or two declaring that the tribulation may begin...

What's so utterly, tragically hilarious about everything isn't necessarily his death--we all knew Falwell would die, didn't we?--but now the Christian sites are full of sympathy, outpourings of "love," and an all-around pat-on-the-back for a life lived in stupidity.

One site said:

The truth is that he was a great man of God who stood for what is right and was not afraid to take on the liberal media. Even Larry Flynt, who once hated Falwell, has said that they became great friends.
It takes a pretty small person to ridicule someone after they are no longer on earth to defend themselves. The great thing about it is that Jerry Falwell did not care what atheists thought of his message while he was here and he is certainly not concerned with what they are saying about him now.
Another had this to say:

The irony watch begins: Will his critics spew the worst kind of venom while talking about what a hater Falwell was? Surely not. They will display their love and tolerance for someone with whom they just had philosophical differences.
And, the end-all be-all of "Christian" reactions to Falwell's death:

I was sorry to hear that Jerry Falwell passed away today. I sometimes criticized him harshly, but he seemed like a decent man and he has certainly done a lot of good in the world. My condolences go out to his friends and family.

PS: I'm keeping the comments closed to keep the liberal posters from trashing Falwell there. If they want to trash him -- and they will -- let them do it somewhere else besides Right Wing News.
Anyone see a trend? The people that wouldn't get near to the controversial man when he was alive, for fear he made them all look as crazy and delusional as he was, have made him a saint. Saint Falwell: The saint whom you pray to when you want to fall from grace gracefully.

Now there's a catchy slogan. Catholics, get a pen and paper.

But seriously, we all made fun of him, trashed him, Christian and non-Christian, but suddenly because the man is dead, it's as if the Christians are afraid sky god did love him best and will judge them all on what they said about him now that he's gone... Talk about your Fairy Tales Gone Awry! So a man is dead--it's kind of sad, but when you look at his track-record? Good riddance to bad rubbish. There's something you won't hear in his eulogy.

Of course, to the most conservative of the nutballs, this makes me evil, inhumane (as if somehow compassion and kind words were the mainstay of this religion.... HA!), certainly "non-Christian" (and since when did I claim I was?), and let's see... there were a few other choice words for those who didn't worship the selective memory of Saint Falwell...

But we're the hypocrites? We trashed him in life, we'll trash him in death. It's not like he's going to care. This was the same man who said things like this:

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being." (hmm, yeah, that sounds like something rooted in scripture...)

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." (Sounds like someone took some note cards from Phelps!!)

"AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh’s charioteers." (Yes, we must ask ourselves, WWJS: Who Would Jesus Save? It certainly wouldn't be an Egyptian, let alone a homosexual!! Heaven just wouldn't be heaven if the gays were there, I suppose... Which is why you won't be able to blame us for the tacky gold roads...)

"The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country." (It certainly couldn't have been put in place by smart men who knew the viles of religion, right?)
Listen, we could do this all day and never stop laughing our asses off at this tragic moron of a human being. The hypocrisy comes not in trashing him after his death for his moronic ramblings, but in suddenly making a saint out of a man you tried to hide from whenever he was in town. Now that a man is dead does NOT make him a better human being than he previously was... And lying about it, and suddenly saying he "was grounded in scripture" when you know all along he didn't agree with you on half the things you each thought scripture said... Well, that speaks to how silly it is to hold a book in such high esteem that no two people can read the same way...

Inerrant word of god my ass...

So we bid you ado, Saint Falwell. Christians who hated you in life for making them all seem delusional now love you in death, just like Jesus would...

One less radical, militant religious person is no loss... It's the loss of what a great man he could have been that is mourned...


Darkmind said...

Just because he died doesn't make him a better person? I disagree. Now he can't spew anti-human religionite propoganda. Much better indeed! BWA HA HA! I know I don't usually do current event stuff, but I did a little blog about J-Fal myself.

Kel said...

I agree with Darkmind! Now if Robertson would just follow...

You know what I find funny? A lot of highly religious people who are so-called believers in the afterlife are usually the most upset and afraid of death. Shouldn't they be excited to finally make it? Shouldn't those left behind actually be GLAD for the ones who joined the Lord in the afterlife?