Recently, however, limbo has become "problematic." One wonders how a dogma becomes "problematic." Not enough vegetables? So after much study, they (... a Vatican-appointed panel of theologians... HA!) decided that "limbo is a "problematic" concept that Catholics are free to reject." How about them apples?
This movement mostly came about because, as it turns out, humans are hate the thought of innocent babies and potential human life being forever in "limbo," which is where (supposedly) unborn, stillborn, and aborted children end up, never reaching heaven or hell. It seems the Catholic "leadership" has found it in their hearts to say, "Well, if you don't like what we've been teaching, you can ignore us." Because they weren't anyway? Okay, okay, so there are a few people who take this shit seriously and have been agonizing over the thought of their unborn children being in limbo for sky god knows how long.
But I'm wondering what in the hell these so-called theologians were studying? Can you imagine that conversation?
But the best part--the BEST part, I say, is this whole "original sin" issue. You know the one I mean: When Eve's dumb ass believed a talking snake and ate a "fruit" (Perhaps she would have known that talking snakes were a perversion of nature if she had known right and wrong to begin with? Silly sky god, silly silly sky god!! Can't do anything right!). We're all "born" with original sin (or so I was taught [lied to?]), but then again, aborted fetus and still born babies aren't "born" in the traditional sense, so...
Theo #1: So, we're here to discuss whether limbo daycare has become cost-ineffective.
Theo #2: I don't see how. The more they come to church to pray for the souls in limbo, the more they drop in the collection box!
Theo #3: Yes, but some are starting to find other Jesus franchises that teach more fuzzy-warm things... like "babies go straight to heaven," and all that...
Theo #2: Really?
Theo #1: True enough. So, shall we turn to our bibles?
Theo #3: Where is that passage on limbo again?
Theo #2: Ha! Gotcha!
Theo #1: Listen, order! Limbo daycare--keep it or not?
Theo #3: What would Dr. Spock say, do you think? Keeping an unborn child in limbo might harm its psyche...
Theo #1: This is a bible issue, not a psychological one!
Theo #2: Tell that to the children you molested--
Theo #1: Shut up! God forgave me! I said four hundred Hail Mary's for that!
Theo #3: I heard Father Paul said six hundred...
Theo #2: He's a pervert--he had to.
Theo #1: Limbo daycare? Up or down vote.
Theo #3: I say keep it--it keeps us in business if we keep interceding for them, you know.
Theo #2: How about we do what most Americans do with our teachings anyway?
Theo #1: What do you mean?
Theo #2: You know--let them pick and choose? It'll give them a sense of freedom...
Theo #3: Like perhaps they're in control of their destiny? Perish the thought!
Theo #2: Let's see what the big cheese thinks...
Theo #1: [Sigh.] Fine...
Theo #2: Hello, Pizza Hut? You deliver? I'll take four cheese pizza's...
Where does that leave us? Is that why Catholics can now have a buffet style belief? Because no one knows when sin actually enters the equation? This will eventually lead to a whole host of other issues with fundies worldwide, I believe... But if you are conceived with a sin nature, but you die before you are "born," and you go straight to heaven, then you have allowed sin to enter the precious kingdom of heaven...
And if you don't have a "sin nature" until you are born, but are not "accountable" until a certain age, then you still allow for sin to stain the presence of sky god, and then brought up yet another thorny issue for religious persons (age of accountability). But then, if you don't have your sin nature until you can be held accountable, you haven't been born sinful at all, have you? Which changes a whole host of other dogmas and doctrines of the God & Grimm Fairy Tales collection...
The "commission for limbo" tried to clarify their reasoning:
Yeah, because everything else about sky god and his policies are so clearly grounded in fact, right? And I still stand by this statement: If sky god truly wanted "no man to perish," he would have changed the rules this world operates under, and no one would perish and still retain their free will... But sky god's ego (and drive to murder his kid) were apparently much stronger than his desire for "none perishing," so there goes that brilliant idea by one of his supposed creation that he'll ignore... But they didn't have Standardized Testing back when sky god's god created him, so we'll just have to assume that our particular brand of sky god slipped under the radar before the "No Sky God Left Behind" Act came into being...
...there are good reasons to believe instead that unbaptized babies go to heaven, because God is merciful and "wants all human beings to be saved."
"We emphasize that these are reasons for prayerful hope, rather than grounds for sure knowledge," said the commission's report, published last week with the pope's approval.
The commission continued:
Then what the hell were they "studying" when they decided to let limbo be pick and choose? And why have they been teaching this since the thirteenth century? Could it be...
The Vatican commission stressed that there is no mention of limbo in the Bible and that it was never a part of church dogma.
Could it be...?
Nah... Too many of you would lose your purpose in life if you realized all of it was made up to begin with...
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