The Voices Are Back... In Adam's Head...

Just when you thought it was safe to share an anti-Christian opinion (let alone a thought), your favorite e-mail stalker rears his ugly head and declares you... An Atheistic Proselytizer!

I'm not quite sure how I was nominated (although I'll thank the little people right now--Thanks!). I'm thinking that it did have something to do with the lovely discussion I was having with davida on my last post.

Let me copy and paste a few words from Adam's e-mail:

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God has placed a concern on my heart for your recent words towards this young lady. A man with such questionable morals has no place teaching a young girl the ways of the world.

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"The ways of the world." Almost makes me wish I had cowboy boots to shudder in! (Mental Note: Buy cowboy boots for future shuddering sessions.) Although it is needless to point out to him that she (Is Davida a "she"? Hmm...) asked me about what I thought on my blog, I thought I gave fair, balanced answers, as well as having directed her to at least one Christian blog; not to mention the fact that I think it hardly counts as "proselytizing" if I'm not running door-to-door asking people about their personal relationships with sky god. (Mental Note #2: Go door-to-door asking... in cowboy boots in case shuddering is required.)

I'm also a little concerned that my stalker is still receiving messages from sky god. Not only would I have thought god would have reported Adam's repeated requests for my straightness as "Spam," but that sky god actually responded? I imagine it went something like this:

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FROM: skygod@heaven.he
TO: person_of_the_lord@yahoo.com
DATE: [immaterial]
SUBJECT: Homosexual deviants

Dearest Adam,

DON'T HIT DELETE! This is YHWH. About this Jason character; yes, I need you to once again contact him re:

1. nonreligious proselytizing,
2. sodomy, and
3. for not owning a pair of King James Patent-Leather Spike-heeled Cowboy Boots complete with Cross Insignia.

I was also a little concerned that he was alerting people to my church's rewriting of history as in his "Xmas" post. HS still hasn't gotten over that little fiasco.

Jesus would also like you to note that you are three souls short of your salvation quota, so you may not be getting that sterling silver crown of thorns for your mansion in heaven unless you pick up the pace. I suggest hitting up that Jason character again; he seems to draw a crowd.

Warm regards (although not hellishly warm),
YHWH

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Look, sky god even has a sense of humor! LOL.

Anyway, since he also implies in his email that they had a "casting out of the homosexual demon" ceremony for me (Mental Note #3: Buy homosexual demon some nice accessories for clubbing this weekend) and making me extremely curious as to what that would involve (burning me in effigy? making a voodoo doll of me and sprinkling it with holy water? a simple fasting followed by a prayer meeting at IHOP?), it makes me happy to see someone so concerned, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. I beginning to think more people pray for me than the pope. (Mental Note #4: See if I can get cowboy boots like the pope's; would shuddering lessons be required?)

He goes into this slightly a little further in his email to me:

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May the power of Jesus wrest from you this demon; may He break the chains holding you in bondage; may you find the peace in Jesus that I currently know.

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One question: If you have so much peace, why is your badonk-a-donk butt bothering me? If you ask me, peace is NOT constantly being worried about who may or may not "know Christ," but I realize that may just be me. Some people have strange definitions of peace, of that I'm sure. I mean, look at how Bush thinks we brought peace to the Middle East, am I right?

Well, here's hoping YHWH sends him a clue, even if it is as an attachment...