Tuesday, January 9, 2007

The Voices Are Back... In Adam's Head...

Just when you thought it was safe to share an anti-Christian opinion (let alone a thought), your favorite e-mail stalker rears his ugly head and declares you... An Atheistic Proselytizer!

I'm not quite sure how I was nominated (although I'll thank the little people right now--Thanks!). I'm thinking that it did have something to do with the lovely discussion I was having with davida on my last post.

Let me copy and paste a few words from Adam's e-mail:

God has placed a concern on my heart for your recent words towards this young lady. A man with such questionable morals has no place teaching a young girl the ways of the world.
"The ways of the world." Almost makes me wish I had cowboy boots to shudder in! (Mental Note: Buy cowboy boots for future shuddering sessions.) Although it is needless to point out to him that she (Is Davida a "she"? Hmm...) asked me about what I thought on my blog, I thought I gave fair, balanced answers, as well as having directed her to at least one Christian blog; not to mention the fact that I think it hardly counts as "proselytizing" if I'm not running door-to-door asking people about their personal relationships with sky god. (Mental Note #2: Go door-to-door asking... in cowboy boots in case shuddering is required.)

I'm also a little concerned that my stalker is still receiving messages from sky god. Not only would I have thought god would have reported Adam's repeated requests for my straightness as "Spam," but that sky god actually responded? I imagine it went something like this:

FROM: skygod@heaven.he
TO: person_of_the_lord@yahoo.com
DATE: [immaterial]
SUBJECT: Homosexual deviants

Dearest Adam,

DON'T HIT DELETE! This is YHWH. About this Jason character; yes, I need you to once again contact him re:
  1. nonreligious proselytizing,
  2. sodomy, and
  3. for not owning a pair of King James Patent-Leather Spike-heeled Cowboy Boots complete with Cross Insignia.
I was also a little concerned that he was alerting people to my church's rewriting of history as in his "Xmas" post. HS still hasn't gotten over that little fiasco.

Jesus would also like you to note that you are three souls short of your salvation quota, so you may not be getting that sterling silver crown of thorns for your mansion in heaven unless you pick up the pace. I suggest hitting up that Jason character again; he seems to draw a crowd.

Warm regards (although not hellishly warm),
YHWH
Look, sky god even has a sense of humor! LOL.

Anyway, since he also implies in his email that they had a "casting out of the homosexual demon" ceremony for me (Mental Note #3: Buy homosexual demon some nice accessories for clubbing this weekend) and making me extremely curious as to what that would involve (burning me in effigy? making a voodoo doll of me and sprinkling it with holy water? a simple fasting followed by a prayer meeting at IHOP?), it makes me happy to see someone so concerned, even if it is for all the wrong reasons. I beginning to think more people pray for me than the pope. (Mental Note #4: See if I can get cowboy boots like the pope's; would shuddering lessons be required?)

He goes into this slightly a little further in his email to me:

May the power of Jesus wrest from you this demon; may He break the chains holding you in bondage; may you find the peace in Jesus that I currently know.
One question: If you have so much peace, why is your badonk-a-donk butt bothering me? If you ask me, peace is NOT constantly being worried about who may or may not "know Christ," but I realize that may just be me. Some people have strange definitions of peace, of that I'm sure. I mean, look at how Bush thinks we brought peace to the Middle East, am I right?

Well, here's hoping YHWH sends him a clue, even if it is as an attachment...

6 comments:

mom said...

hello jason! i am back! and a little of my front is to! :) i will never catch up on all this missed information and i really don't think it will hurt to much since life does goes on and this still clogged head of mine didn't change any. i am feeling better but still have this horrible cough and blowing my nose every 2 minutes! i see my wonderful daughter is commenting now. a real family thing going here! :) doesn't mean we might be all on the same page but we love each other. not all of you people can be as perfect as your mother! :) happy birthday on your blog and i do have a question on how can someone that can believe that maybe life is out there in space can't believe my slipper happening?? just shake my head at this! :) well, got to go. darkmind, how is the sleep thing going? i hope better. with my cold i have some drugs that helped me sleep but now i am doing a lot better i am back drinking my tea. (doctor approved drugs!) love and prayers

Jason Hughes said...

Perhaps an alien moved your slipper?

:D

mom said...

hello jason! very funny! but you know i believe it could happen! unlike you i do believe wierd stuff can happen and i don't really care if science proves it or not. put that in your pipe and smoke it!! :) :) :) by the way on x country they are doing songs all about Hank! loving it! in my world Hank gets me to move my little pinky on my modern typewriter. well, got to go. just wanted to chime in a bit. love and prayers

Darkmind said...

I think God does speak to Adam. I think in the new revision of the bible, we should slip him in nicely between Numbers and Deuteronomy! BWA HA HA HA!!!

FCSuper said...

Spamming god...now that's funny. Does prayer work like my email box, where 98% of my email is spam? Does he already have McAfee Prayer Filter installed and updated to the latest version to make sure all the spam prayers are put into the trash folder?

mom said...

hello jason! very funny! but you know i believe it could happen! unlike you i do believe wierd stuff can happen and i don't really care if science proves it or not. put that in your pipe and smoke it!! :) :) :) by the way on x country they are doing songs all about Hank! loving it! in my world Hank gets me to move my little pinky on my modern typewriter. well, got to go. just wanted to chime in a bit. love and prayers