Thursday, January 25, 2007

Jesus Loves Me This I Know,
Or It's Off to Hell I Go...

Sky god knows we here it often enough on our consortium of blogs and online diaries. "You'll be sorry when Jesus shows up," and "Turn to god or you know where you're going..." with, of course, the understanding being the pits of H E double hockey-sticks. (For you slower readers out there, that means HELL.)

Let's think about that for a moment. Hell. The fiery pit. The center of the earth.

This, of course, is the punishment from the same dude that claims he came here to die so that no one else would (something about that seems to have not worked out so well... Could it be the fact that people still die daily?) Regardless, a host of people from all corners of the globe believe that this is the case: Unless you "repent" due to the unfortunate accident of a naive, nude woman falling pray to a wily snake, you will burn. For eternity. (One almost wishes sky god had had enough brains to not have a silly tree that silly snakes wouldn't have to tempt young naked women to eat from, or, at least, that sky god had given the naked humans some sort of brain to have recognized that snakes don't talk, but I digress...)

Of course, in this grand tale meant to scare young children into listening to their parents, we come to understand the flip side of sky god--that being Satan, the "fallen angel" who wanted to be "like god" (an argument that is sorely lacking an adequate explanation in the self-proclaimed "good book"...) Satan, is of course, the scape goat, as it were. The one we blame bad things on, the reason for "the fall," the evil conspirator behind bad things, dead things, things that go "bump" in the night, and childhood bed-wetting. Of course, Satan's been punished (on delay) to eternity in hell, but for some reason, sky god can't seem to make that happen until his son decides to do a farewell tour, whenever that might be (or perhaps Satan earned himself a "prison working" program of some sort?) Either way, we end up with this god vs. evil type scenario in which sky god is on one end saying "Don't listen to him, I'm the man, I saved you, believe in me or else" and supposedly Satan on the other hand going "What? He's a crack pot--too much ganja weed in the sixties of the gods... Do whatever the heck you want, I could care less..." or, in some stories, he actively tries to get you to "not believe in sky god" because, while sky god can't put Satan in hell just quite yet, sky god can make Satan believe he's winning some sort of war for souls and shield him from his punishment of eternal damnation (which, as previously stated, is pending an appeal in the Zeus Court of Law and Punishment).

Seriously, folks.

Now, let's spin this for a moment (in which case all fundies should now rise up and claim me to be the tool of Satan you believe me to be), and look at this from another perspective. What if Satan is the good guy in all of this, trying to save you from an eternity of servitude to a dude who's ego is only matched by his ability to make rocks too heavy for himself to lift? What if sky god's only real motivation is to have enough people to form a line long enough that he never runs out of hand-fed grapes and palm-branch wavers on those hot, heavenly summers he can't seem to do anything about? Remember, sky god couldn't give Adam and Eve enough brains to figure out how to spot a fake snake; not enough brains to know they were naked; he didn't allow them to know the difference between right and wrong (effectively, he made man an animal; seriously, give it some thought--it's not a huge leap, people); he also can't throw Satan in hell; he couldn't even come up with a plan that didn't involve the death of his one and only son (or so we're told; I happen to believe that if sky god was really a man, he'd have knocked up more than one virgin that fateful day in the "promised land"); and, really, if god makes all the rules, why would he invent a rule that only his son's blood could make things right? He couldn't even make rules to make things right right away! He's still on time-delay! "Just a few more years, folks. Seriously, he's coming back, I swear! No, now don't be like that--I made a promise, didn't I? Didn't I? Did I? Hey, Holy Spirit, break out that book and see if I actually did promise something..."

Some "all powerful" god you got there. Reminds me of the trinkets they sell in the Dollar General. They both do about the same amount of work for the same amount of pay-off.

And then there's this whole idea of "hell" (a fact that, while it has little biblical basis, doesn't stop the fundies from throwing it around like a secret weapon that isn't so secret...) When we picture Satan in today's day and age, he's the prince of this little fiery realm, complete with horns, tail, pitchfork, and, on some makes and models, evil laughter which echoes through the rocky depths... But he isn't really. Sky god is. Sky god made this hell, sky god will be throwing us so-called "unbelievers" into this place, sky god will be making sure to throw away that key once he finally manages to get someone in there, so really--who's the big bad here? The one who claims to love everyone and wants no one to "perish," but can't find it in his heart to just forgive and forget? Or the one who says, "This is hooey. You know it, I know it, they know it."

That's really a kicker, isn't it? Of course, since neither one truly exists (or, even if one simply believes they do not) saying "You're going to hell!" isn't really much of a threat, is it? I mean, if I don't believe they exist, this heaven and hell, how is threatening me with my own unbelief really a motivator to "turn my life around," or whatever the hell it is I'm supposed to do with the so-called "wealth" of knowledge these fundies think they possess? May as well threaten me with flying pigs falling through my roof, or dragons hiding in my pantry...

Look at it that way for a while. Even though neither one exists, Satan really is the good guy in that little tale, isn't he? Saving you from an eternity of saying "Yeah, that god dude is great, isn't he?" and "Wow, god, you're so awesome!" Talk about BORING....

Of course, sky god realizes this. That's why he promises things like "treasures in heaven" and "heavenly rewards," most of which will be grape duty, palm-branch duty, or cleaning out sky-god's-pool-duty. Not to mention cleaning up after all his cats--trust me, you've no idea what an eternity of cleaning out kitty litter boxes will do for your eternity of "hosannas." It's more than a reality check, that's for sure!

But--why the need for such promises? Isn't it enough that he killed his kid (due to his own non creativity in reality-rule making)? Now he promises you "mansions," "streets of gold," and a lot of other rot. Of course, if you have these things here on earth, it's either because you've been "blessed" by sky god, or because you're a tool of Satan--no one can seem to agree which is actually the case, suffice to say they base it on whether they feel they can do just as good a job as the Holy Spirit in judging a man's soul-worthiness... Ironic, that.

So threaten me with hell. It' hollow, empty, and makes me feel you really have nothing more than blind faith (which sky god encourages--makes you wonder why he bothered to give you a brain, doesn't it? Especially since he never meant for Adam or Eve to use theirs...) and a book of fairy tales...

Oh, wait--that is all the fundies have...

6 comments:

mom said...

hello jason! i don't know if you are writing this stuff to vent or to get people to respond but i read it and my heart hurts when i read this but i do understand that its your blog. well, anyway, i thought of something while reading this and thought i would ask you what harm does it do for people to follow God and His teaching if its not real and if it is real and God created a heaven without sin which is His right to keep people out since He created it in the first place? its like if i go to your home you created and started telling you how you should plan your layout and who you can have over and not have over and whatnot. i think you know what i mean. i just don't understand what God is asking anyone to do that is so awful that people get so balled up over. i feel when you are a believer you have more freedom then without the belief. well, i am sure you will have a lawyers way of answering this whole thing. but believing in God to me didn't ever really hurt me and i don't think it hurt anyone else unless you forget you are a sinner saved by grace. i still say if you are around any child or baby you never have to teach them to do bad things but you have to teach them to do the good things. they do things that are kind. sometimes but i had 5 and you all had to be taught to be good. it is that way with these cute little grandchildren. same thing different day and time. :) well, go to it lawyer jason and i will keep praying for you. love and prayers ps it is cold right now! i think i have to wear a pair of mittens if i want to type anymore.

Anonymous said...

Go ahead and keep telling yourself those lies and you will eventually believe them. Man, you can talk until you are blue in the face, but you cant change the fact that god is real. Denying god is an easy way to keep on living in sin--it will work for now, but in the long run it will be your downfall. The Bible says "Blessed are those who believe yet have not seen". Blind faith is what you begin with as a Christian, but after you accept Christ and turn your life around to live for Him, He will give you concrete evidence of His existence by setting up residence in your heart. You will never be the same. Why do you think there are so many followers of Jesus anyway? Do you think we all jsut sit around and hope for the Rapture? (We do that too) But, we live in a different way when we are saved because we have the Holy Spirit living in us--why else would anyone remain a Chrsitian? If there wasnt 'something' to it, we would all eventually say "this was a load of crap" and do what we want. But we press on in our faith, because God reveals more and more of Himself to us each day. God shows goodness to His people like you cannot understand because you dont know Him. You have to truly give yourself to Him - all of yourself. Obviously you havent done that, so I suppose I can understand your hostility toward God. People who are ignorant of something cannot understand it. It would be a large sacrifice for you to follow Jesus - you would have to give up your gay lifestyle, your filthy language, and probably many other things, but if you gained peace that is beyond all understanding, eternal life in heaven, and a personal relationship with the God of the universe, wouldnt it be worth it? Seems like a simple choice to me. Oh yeah, all of us 'fundies' are not blind and stupid--many of us are well-educated. AND...not all of us were taught to follow Jesus from the time we were born - some of us had to find Him the hard way - looking up from the bottom. You were blessed to have been raised in a Christian home --too bad you are too blind to see that!

Jason Hughes said...

Would you call that the "god's honest truth," anon?

LOL! I'll reply point by point to your comments tomorrow as tonight I am otherwise engaged...

Steve said...

I'm with your Mom on this one. I really have a lot of trouble understanding how you can be so full of anger and hate that you can go on day after day using double talk and convoluted arguments to try to convince people that there is no God, when there is so much evidence that there is a God.
It makes me sad for you, Jason. You are missing out on so many wonderful things by rejecting God. Reading your blog for some time now, I am not seeing a happy person. Your blog tells me and most everyone else that you are a very angry and unhappy person. Like your Mom, I pray for you daily.
-Steve

Anonymous said...

Go ahead and keep telling yourself those lies and you will eventually believe them. Man, you can talk until you are blue in the face, but you cant change the fact that god is real. Denying god is an easy way to keep on living in sin--it will work for now, but in the long run it will be your downfall. The Bible says "Blessed are those who believe yet have not seen". Blind faith is what you begin with as a Christian, but after you accept Christ and turn your life around to live for Him, He will give you concrete evidence of His existence by setting up residence in your heart. You will never be the same. Why do you think there are so many followers of Jesus anyway? Do you think we all jsut sit around and hope for the Rapture? (We do that too) But, we live in a different way when we are saved because we have the Holy Spirit living in us--why else would anyone remain a Chrsitian? If there wasnt 'something' to it, we would all eventually say "this was a load of crap" and do what we want. But we press on in our faith, because God reveals more and more of Himself to us each day. God shows goodness to His people like you cannot understand because you dont know Him. You have to truly give yourself to Him - all of yourself. Obviously you havent done that, so I suppose I can understand your hostility toward God. People who are ignorant of something cannot understand it. It would be a large sacrifice for you to follow Jesus - you would have to give up your gay lifestyle, your filthy language, and probably many other things, but if you gained peace that is beyond all understanding, eternal life in heaven, and a personal relationship with the God of the universe, wouldnt it be worth it? Seems like a simple choice to me. Oh yeah, all of us 'fundies' are not blind and stupid--many of us are well-educated. AND...not all of us were taught to follow Jesus from the time we were born - some of us had to find Him the hard way - looking up from the bottom. You were blessed to have been raised in a Christian home --too bad you are too blind to see that!

Jason Hughes said...

Would you call that the "god's honest truth," anon?

LOL! I'll reply point by point to your comments tomorrow as tonight I am otherwise engaged...