Thursday, August 10, 2006

A Short Note About My Mother...

She does worry way too much. She just gave me a call and said,

Mom: You know I love you, right?
Me: Um, yeah... why?
Mom: Well, are you trying to give me a heart attack?
Me:Um.... no? At least, not on purpose... I guess...
Mom: Well, I read your blog...
Mom: Was I a good mother?
Me:Um, yeah.
Mom: (through the tears) Because, I just feel bad that you felt you couldn't talk to us or something...
Me:Mom, every kid goes through things they don't want to talk to their parents about.
Mom: Well, I guess...
My mom is such a sweetheart, even if I think her head is in the clouds way too much of the time for her own good. Did I ever mention that she tried to have me killed twice as a kid? Now, if I still think she's a good mom, despite that fact, tell me she isn't worrying too much.

She actually goes through the links I have to the right over there, and she was reading my comments on Dar's blog about how, when I was little, I came home from school one day and told her I wanted to marry Ryan. She doesn't remember this apparently, and feels that she was a bad mother for
  1. Not remembering this and
  2. Thinking that she must have somehow failed as a mother because she told me that that's not how things work with people
Maybe she blocked this memory out, who knows? All I know is, not remembering a conversation between you and your seven year old (or somewhere thereabouts) does not a bad mother make, especially when you have four others all vying for your attention. This small talk we had in the kitchen didn't make me who am, nor do I think it had that great a role in shaping my future. Even if I hadn't said those words to Mom, would I still have come out any earlier? I highly doubt it. If anything, it simply reinforces the fact that I was gay long before I knew what the word even meant.

Mom, you have a great heart and are a simply wonderful person, as well as a great friend with whom I disagree with a lot of things on. You are not responsible for me being who I am. You helped shape me, gave me my great sense of humor, my mind that wanders from subject to subject without clear and linear connections, and bad bones! :D

I love you, Mom, and hope that you don't continue to feel like a failure. You did the best you knew how to do, especially considering your mother! I would be a failure of a son if I didn't tell you that!

Here's hoping this post doesn't make your heart stop! :D

Remind me at some point in the future to share about my near-death experiences... They are great stories!


Ergo said...

Aww... what a lovely post. Y'all have a great mom-son relationship! :) Very sweet.

And please, tell tell, what's the whole drama behind your mom almost killing you twice!??

mom said...

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)):):) i was going to comment on the other thing but than i so this and it made me forget everything i was going to say! you funny funny man!! the apple really didn't fall from the tree when it comes to you being from my blood line!! :) i can even see some of that hughes blood in you also! :) i also consider you one of my best friends! i couldn't kill you off right so it was much easier just to make you a friend! :) you know, i also tried killing your uncle also. that is a funny story also. if you happen to see him sunday when you bring the truck back we could tell you together. the only way to hear the story. :) well, i have to get ready since i am doing a wal-mart run i think tonight instead of making myself sore from working to hard on this project of ours. i am so excited!! wal-mart!! :) i even have a story about that also. my first wal-mart experience! love and prayers

Dar said...

To Jason's Mom:
I'm honored that you've visited my blog :) Thanks.

Jason: Are you finally going to clean up that "F" bomb now that your mom's here? hee-hee. (I know, I know, you don't need TWO moms!)

Ergo said...

Aww... what a lovely post. Y'all have a great mom-son relationship! :) Very sweet.

And please, tell tell, what's the whole drama behind your mom almost killing you twice!??