Car's Were Meant to Be Broken...

I wake up Monday morning, ready to go in a face the pile of manuscripts that need edited and prettied up. I have my ciggie, a cup of ice tea, let the dog do his business (which, in case you're wondering, still takes a millennia to find the exact precise spot that needs shitted upon), pop the dog back into the house, go to start my car...

...

Nothing. I turn the key again, for we all know that, when you've done something without the expected results, the first option is to redo the proper technique...

...

Then what do we do? We curse, we say, "What the hell?" then we start looking for obvious solutions to our problems. My checklist included, but was not limited to:

1. Car out of gear in neutral?
2. Am I hitting the clutch?
3. Are my--

FFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

Yes, dear reader, my headlights were already on the "on" position...

Which we all know equals... dead battery.

So I put in a call to work to let them know I will be late, then I rush out to the garage for our trusty battery charger/jumper, which says right there in bright red lettering on the neon-sunshine-yellow casing "For cars, small trucks and vans."

You'd think a Mustang would be covered, wouldn't you? Yeah, me, too.

I hook it up and go to start the car.

...

I go look to see if I have it hooked up correctly. It is. I return to step two.

...

I return to step four, which we all know is the F-bomb.

I decide to leave the charger on for a while, so I put another call into work, telling them maybe around 10:00. I then call my mother because she constantly complains about how early she wakes up in the morning. Believe it or not (and if you know my mother, you'll believe it) she kept me on the phone till 10:00. So after coming up with an exit strategy that didn't include the Sunni's or the Sh'ia or the building and training of an Iraqi army, I get off the phone and turn the key to the car...

I think we already can guess the results, can't we?

So I lost a day's pay, which I can't really afford. The stupid car only needed to be jumped by Rich's when he got home from work, and now the damn thing starts on a dime again. This car will be paid off in four months. Four long, arduous months. Then, and only then, is it allowed to break down. Because then I'm not paying a monthly fee just to keep the stupid thing. Then I'm simply paying to keep it running.

P.S.-- The work story is it broke down on the way to work and I was trapped on the highway and sat in a garage for 5 hours while they fixed my car--somehow it seemed like they wouldn't have believed me if they thought I just had a dead battery and couldn't find a ride... especially since I sat in my air conditioned living room all day waiting for my battery to charge, watching Golden Girls reruns...