Friday, June 2, 2006

In God We Trust... Or So We're Led to Believe...

Why do (right-wing) Christians get their panties in a bunch over this phrase? Why must they see their faith prominently displayed on our money, in our schools, and on our buildings? What is it about this phrase that makes their heads spin and vomit pea soup?

My mother received an e-mail today from one of my father's cousin. Apparently there's some bru-ha-ha about "In God We Trust" in post offices or some other such nonsense... so apparently the right-wingers want to start writing "In God We Trust" on every piece of snail-mail they send out to teach the post office some type of lesson... I can picture it now:

Postman #1: Why, what's this?
Postman #2: It seems to be a message scribbled on the other side of the envelope...
Postman #1: Does that say "In God We Trust"?
Postman #2: Oh my stars and garters, it does!
Postman #1: I just feel ashamed, don't you?
Postman #2: And just think, if we had allowed that to be on stamps and in our postal buildings, the pristine whiteness of this envelope wouldn't have had to have been desecrated in such a manner...
Postman #1: I'm writing my Congressman right now!
Postman #2: I'm writing the Postmaster General!
Postman #1: And don't forget to include on your envelope...
In Unison: In God We Trust!
Instead of going postal, I suppose they'll go all Catholic Guilt on our mailing asses...

I mean, if you believe in trusting in god, why isn't that enough? What does seeing it plastered everywhere do for you? Is that in case the rapture happens while you're buying stamps, you can rip it off the wall and say, "Look! Jesus! Hey, over here! We trust in you!" I can picture him now, riding his fiery chariot led by twelve snow-white horses, stopping mid-descent, giving a big old thumbs-up, and saying, "Well, lookie there! Here, hop on in the chariot! Boy, does that make me feel good! And here I thought there would be no banners! Tell me, do you write that on your cakes, too?"


I also received an e-mail today from the AFA. Apparently, with only 160 shopping days left till Christmas, they're worried that once again, out of respect for the plethora of religious and holiday beliefs that are held in this country, retailers will use "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." They want me to e-mail all the major retail stores in this country to tell them how much it will piss me off if they don't include Christ in their over-priced, heavily commercialized shopping frenzy this season:


Shopper: (bringing purchases to register) Merry Christmas!
Cashier: Happy Holidays!
Shopper: Excuse me?
Cashier: Happy Holidays! Don't you love this time of year! Would you also like to purchase these fuzzy pink gloves to go with these gifts?
Shopper: Why didn't you say Merry Christmas?
Cashier: Ma'am?
Shopper: Say Merry Christmas!
Cashier: Um, okay. Merry Christmas?
Shopper: Thank you! Oh, I would've felt just awful going in to debt for all these gifts for people if you didn't include Christ in it!
Cashier: Um, yeah. The gloves?
Shopper: Give me ten pair! They'll make great stocking stuffers! Oh, and throw in 6 of those CD walkmans... Bobby won't be happy if he doesn't get one of those!
Cashier: Your total if $550.62. Cash or credit?
Shopper: Hold on... This one is maxed, this one is maxed... Try this one, then try this one, and if they don't work, I have another! Gosh, when did Christmas get so expensive? I bet the wise men didn't pay these prices! But it's worth it to show the love, don't you agree?
Cashier: I'm just here for the paycheck...

Ah, the birth of their lord... Cash? Credit? Paper? Plastic? Can you just feel the love of Christ in the brand new computer laptop you just had to have?

I know I personally could care less either way whether they say "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays," hell, tell me to go the fuck home! I happen to love Christmas. The decorating, the food... I certainly don't celebrate the birth of anyone's lord, but I like the fact that everyone gets together. I love seeing people's faces when they open gifts, and I love just hanging out with all of them! It's the middle of fuckin' winter! I'm miserable, it's cold! But for about a week every year, everyone laughs and sings and eats, and we forget about the frigid temperatures, the icy snow, the miserable gray sky, and we all just get along, despite celebrating for a different reason! I happen to have a Jewish sister-in-law, and her sister happens to be married to a Hindu, so out of respect for all of them, I tell them "Happy Holidays," and they reciprocate. They happen to believe that at that time of year, they have other traditions and religious things they celebrate. And they certainly aren't offended when someone says to them "Merry Christmas." They, too, could care less! But I think it shows a level of respect to let them know you acknowledge they have differing beliefs than your own.

Let me ask you fundies: What Would Jesus Do?

Or better yet, Would Jesus Give a Flying Fuck?

I don't think so either.

11 comments:

GodGunsGlory said...

Why do atheists get their g-strings in a twist over a slogan which has been around for a few centuries? You all think you have to reform everything to make it PC and acceptable for all. Let us remember that WE ARE a Christian nation, like it or not.

Oh yea, thanks for stopping by www.GodGunsGlory.com

In God We trust, everyone else keep your hands where I can see em.

JJ

Jason Hughes said...

I have to repectfully disagree that we are a "Christian nation," otherwise the first ammendment would read "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," as opposed to "the government shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, nor the free exercise thereof."

If we were, indeed, a christian nation, when the persons who founded our country entered into a treaty under the Treaty of Peace and Friendship between the United States of America and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary, Article 11 of that treaty states: As the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion,-as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion or tranquility of Musselmen,-and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

*Bold text is mine...

This was stated just 20 years after our nation was founded, I think they would know better than we today if we were indeed a Christian nation or not...

I'll post a blog about this later this week. Thanks for stopping by!

Darkmind said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
GodGunsGlory! said...

This isn't a Christian Nation? Denial is an ugly thing.

JJ

Ergo Sum said...

"Would Jesus give a flying fuck?"

*gasp!* Blasphemy! Blasphemy!!

;)

An American in Melbourne said...

no jj - it's not a christian nation. Why is that hard to grasp?

Yes, the majority of the citizenry may at the moment hold one particular belief, but that is entirely different than saying that the nation itself is based upon said belief.

Darkmind said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DaBich said...

Let me just say one thing. If you don't believe in God, and many don't (it's your prerogative) then work the CHRISTian holidays, as you have no reason to celebrate :)

Jason Hughes said...

Dabich, I probably would work Christmas, but I would still take time off to spend with my family, whether that be for memorial day, labor day, or any other time I know everyone has off, and I would still decorate because I enjoy it and reminds me of happy memories as a kid...

Plus, my employer closes for the holiday and pays me to stay at home, so who am I to complain? You all can celebrate sky god's birthday, and I'll just be happy to be hanging out with everyone! :D

GodGunsGlory! said...

This isn't a Christian Nation? Denial is an ugly thing.

JJ

An American in Melbourne said...

no jj - it's not a christian nation. Why is that hard to grasp?

Yes, the majority of the citizenry may at the moment hold one particular belief, but that is entirely different than saying that the nation itself is based upon said belief.