Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Happy Birthday!; and, For the Love of a Spirit

So let me wish one of my baby sister's a Happy Birthday! Yes, dear reader, today, in 1979, my sister Sylvia June was born into the world. I'll let you all do the math for her age on your own time. Happy Birthday, Red!!!

So Adam G.--you remember, my e-mail stalker?--well, I hadn't heard from him in about two weeks, and I was kinda hoping he'd moved on to greener pastures--you know, where the still waters are that restore his soul? Well, he e-mailed me sometime last night with the following message:

Dear Jason,

May the Lord bless you and keep you! I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to let you know I have submitted your name before our church to receive prayers and affirmations. We are hoping that you can repent of your satanic ways and come to the light of our Father, and that the Holy Spirit will descend upon you and relinquish the hold that Satan has placed over your mind. Even though you don't believe in God, He believes in You!

Sincerely in Christ's blood,
Whoa! Satan has a hold on my mind? Huh, who'd've thunk it?

Anywho, so I am now getting prayer from a bunch of yahoo's somewhere asking that Satan let go of my mind, and that the Holy Spirit descends on me. I suppose I could ask them to pray that world peace be achieved and that poverty be stricken from the human condition, but as I suppose that wouldn't stop me from having Rich in my life, it doesn't factor in to their version of God's great and almighty plan for the universe at large.

So what makes the spirit of Satan and the spirit of Holy Spirit different? If one has a hold of my mind, and the other wants to have hold of my mind, in what way could I possibly be in control of my own mind? I suppose it could come back to the whole Exorcism thing, but I suppose they see a difference in being possessed by a "demon" and being possessed by a "god." Either way, if you ask me, I'm screwed out of being me.

I wonder how Adam knows God believes in me? Did he receive some divine e-mail or something that says:

Dear Adam,

As I ponder this great world that I've created, I am bothered by the fact that I don't know if Jason knows I believe in him. Could you please drop him a line and let him know? Oh, and about that prayer request for your aunt's liver disease? Sorry, my answer is still no, but hey, at least I answered it! Just not the way you wanted. My bad,


I guess it comes down to who you trust, doesn't it? People like Adam place their faith in an intangible spirit while I put my faith in my humanity. I know I'm not perfect--at least, not yet--but I still feel humanity can come up with the answer--and hopefully do a whole hell of a lot better than 42. Remember, we need something that sounds good.

I crack me up! Anyway, back to Adam's condition. I am not bothered by the prayers. I am not bothered by the fact that some god somewhere might believe in me. I'm not even bothered by the fact that he felt it was his duty to splash my name probably in a church bulletin somewhere for all to see. But I am bothered by this... zealotry? I seem to be his gold medal or something. What, there aren't enough gay atheists to go around, so pick on me? Either way, my real contention is in his willingness to allow any spirit to control him. Why would I want to trade in one spirit for another? How can he be so sure, if these spirits who control us, or influence us, are even real, or that he is on the right side? I'm sure Satan would have a great sob story for ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and that Ty Pennington and his team would rush down into the bowels of hell to put in some central air and filtration for his chronic breathing problems caused by the heat of brimstone and ash. Mayhap Satan didn't have a very good father-figure in his life. Perhaps he felt abandoned, or purposeless. Sure, the bible tells us he was vain and wanted to be like God, but really, what's the back story? Maybe we can get him on Oprah, and she can delve into the sordid story of his past.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to let Adam know, once again, that he needn't feel confined to communicate by e-mail. This forum is open to all.

But maybe the spirit controlling him won't allow it.


Kelly said...

Awwww....sounds like you have an admirer! AND he's got heavenly connections! Go you!

Ergo said...

God, Jason, your posts are HILARIOUS!! Such a great joy to read them! lol!

I loved the "god sending email to Adam" part... especially the part about the diseased liver!! Haha! I'm actually still laughing as I type this!! DAYYAAM! YOu're funny!

And hey, welcome to the "Gay Atheists" camp! :)