He was upset. Visibly upset. I hovered on the edge, like I do... Think, Jason, what can you do? What can you say? How do I make this better?
I had nothing though. Absolutely nothing. So I just sat. Listened to him talk. Reached out a hand...
And as I sat there, just listening, unable to fix the issue, it dawned on me.
I wasn't being yelled at.
I had to stop listening to him as my brain asked me to listen to it. He didn't seem to notice. It seemed to be enough that I was just sitting there, listening, Uh-huh-ing...
I'm not being blamed either... Huh...
This was new and exciting for me, though I hesitated to show it. I mean, he was still upset, talking about his issue. How odd would it be for me to start grinning like an idiot during his time?
I shut my brain off, kept listening...
And he just talked. I offered some advice here and there, a word of encouragement...
But it was all so... non-dramatic.
Bizarre, right? No screaming. No yelling. My animals were all just laying around, pricking an ear in our direction every now and then. Phoenix yawned from the coffee table. Merlin napped peacefully in his lap as he spoke. Gizmo slept on the cushion behind my head. The other cats, Beaux and Artemis, were off being all catty, content with their god-like status for the moment...
I was still baffled, but another part of me whispered, This is how it's supposed to be...
I'm usually the calm, chill dude. I'm not a wave-maker. (Maybe that's why I never cared for Wind Waker? Nah... too much of a stretch...) I go silent when upset, will spit out a short sentence or two, and I'm done for the most part. It's rare I nurse a grudge (consciously), I'm just "go with the flow," as it were...
To have someone else responding in a similar manner? I was a bit off guard. For the next few hours, he was fine. I was waiting for another shoe to fall. "Sure you're good? Nothing else you want to say?"
"Nah, I'm good."
"Okay," I replied warily... I wasn't trained for this... this calm. This serenity. This "I had an issue and I processed it and I'm good" scenario... Surely a storm was coming, right?
For the next few hours--okay, okay, days, who am I kidding? I waited. Surely something would be thrown, a verbal insult. An attack on my character. A blame for something I had no control of yet he did... I played whole scenarios in my mind, coming up with plans to prevent the issue, a snarky comeback or three, I argued with him in my head, so I would be prepared, you know? I'm supposed to not only be prepared but fix, mediate, control! That's what I do!
Nothing.
The lack of drama was... disconcertingly nice... Strangely epic, if I can use so grandiose a word for its antithesis. The next day, the day after even... Zen...
"Thanks honey."
What?
"Thanks for listening the other day. I really appreciated it."
And that was that. The end.
I wanted to cry, oddly enough.
I'm still fighting the demons of the past, as we all do. The demons we gather in life, through trials and tribulations, through troubles and scars. We are trained, taught, conditioned...
And something comes along and doesn't add scars. Doesn't add pain. Doesn't create storms. Doesn't add drama for dramas' sake.
It's disorienting.
I'm left dizzy because nothing happened.
I have some unlearning to do.
I had nothing though. Absolutely nothing. So I just sat. Listened to him talk. Reached out a hand...
And as I sat there, just listening, unable to fix the issue, it dawned on me.
I had to stop listening to him as my brain asked me to listen to it. He didn't seem to notice. It seemed to be enough that I was just sitting there, listening, Uh-huh-ing...
I'm not being blamed either... Huh...
This was new and exciting for me, though I hesitated to show it. I mean, he was still upset, talking about his issue. How odd would it be for me to start grinning like an idiot during his time?
I shut my brain off, kept listening...
And he just talked. I offered some advice here and there, a word of encouragement...
But it was all so... non-dramatic.
Bizarre, right? No screaming. No yelling. My animals were all just laying around, pricking an ear in our direction every now and then. Phoenix yawned from the coffee table. Merlin napped peacefully in his lap as he spoke. Gizmo slept on the cushion behind my head. The other cats, Beaux and Artemis, were off being all catty, content with their god-like status for the moment...
I was still baffled, but another part of me whispered, This is how it's supposed to be...
I'm usually the calm, chill dude. I'm not a wave-maker. (Maybe that's why I never cared for Wind Waker? Nah... too much of a stretch...) I go silent when upset, will spit out a short sentence or two, and I'm done for the most part. It's rare I nurse a grudge (consciously), I'm just "go with the flow," as it were...
To have someone else responding in a similar manner? I was a bit off guard. For the next few hours, he was fine. I was waiting for another shoe to fall. "Sure you're good? Nothing else you want to say?"
"Nah, I'm good."
"Okay," I replied warily... I wasn't trained for this... this calm. This serenity. This "I had an issue and I processed it and I'm good" scenario... Surely a storm was coming, right?
For the next few hours--okay, okay, days, who am I kidding? I waited. Surely something would be thrown, a verbal insult. An attack on my character. A blame for something I had no control of yet he did... I played whole scenarios in my mind, coming up with plans to prevent the issue, a snarky comeback or three, I argued with him in my head, so I would be prepared, you know? I'm supposed to not only be prepared but fix, mediate, control! That's what I do!
The lack of drama was... disconcertingly nice... Strangely epic, if I can use so grandiose a word for its antithesis. The next day, the day after even... Zen...
"Thanks honey."
What?
"Thanks for listening the other day. I really appreciated it."
And that was that. The end.
I wanted to cry, oddly enough.
I'm still fighting the demons of the past, as we all do. The demons we gather in life, through trials and tribulations, through troubles and scars. We are trained, taught, conditioned...
And something comes along and doesn't add scars. Doesn't add pain. Doesn't create storms. Doesn't add drama for dramas' sake.
It's disorienting.
I'm left dizzy because nothing happened.
I have some unlearning to do.
