Friday, May 11, 2007

Ahh! The Plan...

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the sole reason for fundamentalist existence on this planet. The Plan. Yes, it's a bit simplistic. A bit silly. A lot stupid. And very small-minded. For one example of many, you can read circus-like circular argument, or even this hilarious example. (Trust me, like Visa, they're everywhere you want to be... and wish they weren't...)

The fundamentalists reasoning follows something along these lines (in simplistic form):

Fundie: But, how can you not believe in God? Look all around you!
Joe Atheist: I see trees. A dog taking a shit. Some grass. Birds... And?
Fundie: The great book says that evidence of GAWD is all around you! This is proof of GAWD!!
Joe: Uh... No, it's proof that there's a dog, there's a bird, there's a tree...
Fundie: That GAWD made! You think these things just popped out of mud and algae?
Joe: Mud and algae? Seriously, that's what you think the evolutionary theory states? But even so, why is that more unbelievable than an invisible god? At least there's the common threads of DNA, molecules, chemical reactions, shared traits, a long line of ancestral fossils and remnants...
Fundie: Poppycock! You made all that up! That's all science exists for! To disprove GAWD!
Joe: Er... No, science exists to tell us how things work, why they work... You know, pursuit of knowledge and truth.
Fundie: GAWD is truth! All you need is the Great Book! It has everything you need to know!
Joe: Can it pay my bills?
Fundie: Er... what was that?
Joe: Can it pay my bills? Can it explain how to cure cancer, or have a remedy as such?
Fundie: GAWD can cure your sickness of sin and cancer! Just believe and pray...
Joe: I know believers who have died from cancer...
Fundie: Er... It wasn't in GAWD's plan.
Joe: So it lays out what god's plan is?
Fundie: Yes!
Joe: Okay, what's his plan?
Fundie: To save the world!
Joe: Even though I just told you I know people who have died from cancer...
Fundie: Oh, no, no, no... Not save you from cancer, but to save you from sin and HELL!
Joe: Didn't god both create hell, and introduce sin into the world?
Fundie: No! You blaspheme! GAWD created hell for Satan and his evil cohorts! Eve and the Serpent introduced sin!
Joe: Did not god create Eve? And the Serpent?
Fundie: Er... yes...
Joe: And do you not claim your god has all knowledge and all power?
Fundie: Er... yes...
Joe: And wouldn't you agree that god--the all-powerful, all-knowing--could have changed the course of history by... Let's say, not creating Satan? Or the serpent? Or Eve?
Fundie: Well, I... uh...
Joe: And could not your god, if he does exist and is as powerful as you claim, come up with a better plan than death, sickness, disease, starvation--let alone serpents--and skip this whole thing all together?
Fundie: It's not part of The Plan.
Joe: So, let's see if I got you straight here. God has "a plan." Right?
Fundie: Yes.
Joe: And God, in his "plan," makes a place called hell, but not for people, for his first round of creation, the fallen angels, right?
Fundie: Right.
Joe: And so, during round two, he creates humans and serpents even though he hasn't even perfected the art of creating as evident through the fact that "a third" of these angels revolted...
Fundie: Um, not... I mean... The Plan is...
Joe: And instead of saying, "Yep, I fucked up," God decides to kill his kid, send people who don't give him props to hell, the place for Batch 1 of the failed experiment of "creation," and we're supposed to get all this because of a tree? A dog? Some grass?
Fundie: It's evidence of GAWD!! It is!!
Joe: Uh-huh. I suppose writing it in the clouds was a bit too much to ask, eh?
Fundie: The Plan...
Joe: Ah, yes... "the plan"...
So there you are, people. Believe in god because there's a tree in your yard.

It's that simple. Ignore the Evidence because there's "a plan," and it involves believing in GAWD because you saw a tree. I know the first thing I think when I look out my windows (should windows also be a sign of GAWD?) and look at the apple tree is: "Damn! There's that damn christian god again! Oh, and look--a squirrel eating of his fruits."

Just classic.

Speaking of squirrels, I suppose the little varmints are also proof of "a plan" and sky god in general, right? Of course, you'd also have to ignore more Evidence that I suppose Batch 1 of creation went sprinkling all over the earth like Devil Dust (because it wouldn't be fairy dust if it was from the devil, right?) just so we could join the block party in hell for ignoring how much the squirrel resembles an invisible, all-powerful, all-knowing sky god...

Yeah. Sure.

Better than that, of course, is the following logic: That, since science does not know what came before life, before the universe, since we have yet to know exactly when this universe started (i.e., a "creation point") and therefore cannot yet answer the question of where and what for and how come, there must have been--DA DA DA DUMMMMMMMMM!!!!!--a Creator.

Recently, one person said to me, and I quote: "Everything/everyone has a maker. Cars? Made by machines in Detroit. Houses? Made by construction workers. Milk? Made by cows. The earth? Made by an Intelligent Designer. It doesn't take much faith to believe that everything we see was made by someone. It does however take a lot of faith to believe everything we see was formed from tiny bubbles." In defense of this individual, she was not referencing the song Tiny Bubbles, but a recent article about the eminent Stephen Hawking, in which the article stated: "According to Hawking, the origin of the universe can be depicted as bubbles in a steam in boiling water. Small bubbles that appear and then collapse represent mini universes that expand only to disintegrate. A few 'bubbles,' Hawking said, will grow to a certain size until they are safe from collapse, and will begin to develop galaxies, stars and eventually human life." (You can read the article here. Thanks to A Worshipping Christian for the link, even if I disagree with their position... :D)

Notice the examples given: Cars are man-made. No one has ever found a car spontaneously growing in the wild; they are not harvested; they are not created in the sense that we made them "out of nothing." Houses? Same thing: obvious man-made creations that nature couldn't make on her own. Milk? A lot of creatures make milk (not create)--and this isn't because sky god couldn't think of 132 flavors either (and it couldn't possibly be because of a common ancestor, right?). Milk is a by-product of many mammals bodies for the nourishment of their young. But "Everything/everyone has a maker" is a huge claim to make considering we didn't come with a receipt, return policy, or warranty, let alone directions in the four major languages of sky godian! Cows don't make things. They have natural bodily functions. If I make bread, does that mean the bread in turn will "create" something? Perhaps a Empire Rye Building? A Super-Wheatgerm Dome? No? I wonder why... Man makes things due to the evolutionary track we're on--and just because we make things (not "create," but perhaps I'm being to much of a stickler for words and their meanings, eh?) doesn't mean god made us! How ludicrous! And if "Everything/everyone has a maker," I'm wondering who, then, is god's maker? Or is he the exception to the rule?

Ah, there's always an exception, isn't there? Or, wait--is that the exception? That there's always an exception--isn't that statement in and of itself an exception to the rule? And therefore proof of a god? I mean, if a tree and some dog shit are proof, than I'm not so sure sky god is necessarily the one that should be in charge of The Plan.

No comments: